Faking It To Survive
Chapter 19

Rose

I’ve been dreading what’s to come. I’ve spent the last three days constantly looking over my shoulder and drowning in fear. Even my own shadow scares me. I only go out when I really have to. I spend the rest of the time locked in my apartment, trying to sort things out before I run again.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve kicked myself in the shin for being so stupid, so relaxed and happy. Did I even have the right to be happy? Did I have the right to forget the poor girl who screamed every night for someone to come and save her?

The monster is right. I have no right to forget anything, but I did.

Even the poor little girl caged inside me by the chains of past memories felt some happiness. She always itched to crawl out and take over my senses. We both felt joy as never before whenever Ryan was around.

Even now, she’s just as heartbroken as I am that we have to leave this city. We have to leave him. Hearing his voice after three days of avoiding him has weakened my resolve. Leaving him is the last thing I want, but it’s the thing I need the most.

Hearing Ryan’s voice reminded me why it’s important that I run. The monster knows where I am now. If he really saw me with a constant smile on my face, he must know who put it there.

I can’t let him anywhere near Ryan. I may not have been able to protect myself when I was younger, but I’m stronger now. I’d rather die than let Ryan be tainted by the darkness from my past.

I sit on my bed and shoot several emails to the people who matter. I tie up loose ends like bank accounts, insurance, and rent. I make sure everything is in place, but I never take my eye off the packed suitcase by the foot of my bed.

I’ll be gone by tomorrow morning. I’m tempted to run to Ryan and hide under his protection, or at least k**s him one last time before I disappear to another country, but I can’t do that.

I have to stay strong. My strength is the only thing I have left.

I’m almost done typing the last email when I hear banging on my door.

I freeze, just to make sure my paranoia isn’t getting the better of me, and when the knocking starts again, I spring into action.

I press my knife into my palm. I’ve had it for most of my life. It’s my most trusted weapon, the one that keeps me safe, and the same one that gave the monster his scar.

I make sure I don’t make a sound when I get off the bed, tiptoe to the door, and hold my breath to listen.

I flatten my back against the wall and strain my ears for any sound coming from outside.

Another bang makes me jump.

No matter how hard I try to escape the past, the monster still scares me. He probably always will.

Shuffling sounds come from the other side of the door, and I hear someone murmuring.

“Hey, man, are you in there?” a guy calls out. “You ordered Chinese, and my arms are getting tired. I had to walk up all those flights of stairs to bring this to you.”

I breathe a sigh of relief, and my fingers relax around the knife. I deepen my voice so that I sound like a man. When it comes to the monster chasing me, I can’t be too careful.

“Put it on the floor,” I tell him.

“No tip?” he asks, but I don’t respond. “Wow.” The guy mutters a string of curses, but I pay no attention.

I listen closely to his retreating footsteps. Only when I’m sure he is completely gone do I unlock my many locks and open the door.

I look both ways, up and down the hallway, grab the bag of food off the floor, and just as I’m about to pull it inside, a voice startles me.

“Rose …”

“Shit,” I mutter under my breath. Then I raise my head and come face-to-face with Lisa.

“Hey, Lisa.” I do my best to smile, but I’m pretty sure it comes out as fake. She’s the last person I want to see.

She watches me from her doorway with her arms folded across her chest. “Are you okay? I haven’t seen you come out of your apartment in days.”

I don’t have time to waste with her. “I’m fine.” I start to close the door, but she’s too quick.

She zooms into my space and peers at me way too closely. “Are you sure? You look pale, and you seem … shaky. I can make you a cup of tea over at my place if you want.”

I struggle to keep calm, but I really want to scream at her. “No, thanks, I don’t want a cup of tea.”

She pretends to sigh and winds up pouting. “Did you have a fight with your celebrity boyfriend?” She gasps dramatically, and her hand flies to her mouth. “Oh, my gosh! Did you two break up?” She rests a hand on her h*p and makes a face. “I know it may seem glamorous and amazing to date a celebrity, but these people are not like us. A relationship like that was bound to end eventually. Famous people never go for normal girls like us.”

I want to tell her that she’s wrong and that Ryan is crazy about me, but what’s the point? None of it matters in the end, and the last thing I want to do is stand here, discussing my non-existent love life with her when I have more important things to worry about.

“Thanks, for everything, Lisa. I’ll be sure I take your advice to heart.” I shut the door in her face without waiting for her to say another word.

I plop down on my bed, shovel spoonsful of wonton soup into my mouth, and try my best not to break down in tears at how pathetic my life is. Didn’t I say I was done cowering in fear because of him? Yet here I am, running away, like always.

I sniffle as I finish my food before going back to my laptop and crosschecking my emails. The moment I hit send, I hear a soft knock on my door and the sound of someone trying to force it open.

I grab my knife again, shut my laptop, and tiptoe to the door. As soon as I reach it, Lisa’s soft voice comes through from the other side. “Hey, Rose, it’s me again. I just wanted to—”

I don’t wait for her to finish her sentence. I yank the door open to tell her to leave me alone and mind her own business for once, but the person standing behind her makes me stop dead in my tracks.

He wears his platinum blond hair tied into a knot at the nape of his neck. His piercing green eyes and winning smile could charm the pants off any woman. But what I can’t stop staring at is the scar that starts at his left temple and stops just above his upper l*p.

“Hi, sorry,” Lisa tells me. “I just wanted to tell you that you have a visitor. He says he’s your brother.”

This is exactly why I don’t make friends. They’re easy to manipulate, and CJ is an expert at using them to lure me out.

“Aren’t you going to say hello to your brother, Rose?” His voice … it makes my skin crawl.

“Stepbrother,” I spit out, and his smile turns upside down. Now I’ve pissed him off. It’s only a matter of time before he lashes out.

I force a smile and turn to Lisa. “Thank you, Lisa. You can go now.”

She looks between me and CJ for a few seconds before nodding and bursting into another smile—a genuinely happy one. She really has no clue. “I’m heading out to do some grocery shopping. Have fun.” She waves at me as she walks off.

I try to close my door, but CJ is too fast and too strong. He pushes it wide open and steps into the hell hole I’ve been living in, trying to avoid him.

His eyes come to rest on the suitcase at the foot of my bed. “Going somewhere, dear sister?”

I stay braced by the door with the knife still clenched in my fist. “You need to leave.”

He doesn’t say anything for what feels like hours. When he finally moves, he rushes me faster than I expected, grabs me by the throat, and slams me against the wall.

“You have quite the mouth on you now, my beautiful Rose,” he hisses under his breath. “The time we spent apart must have made you bold and disrespectful.”

His other hand falls to my side, and he trails his fingers down my arm, making me sick to the stomach. I struggle, but he holds me in an iron grip. He stops at my closed fist and yanks the knife out of my hand. “I believe this is mine.”

He’s right. It is his. I stole it from him the night I escaped, right after slashing his horrid face with it.

“Does the scar still hurt?” I rasp.

He just smiles. “Only sometimes, but I found the perfect ointment for it just a few months ago. I found it in the same place where I found an old newspaper with your face on it. Imagine my surprise after searching for my missing little sister for years when I found out she’s dating an MMA celebrity fighter.” He tsks and shakes his head. “You disappoint me, Rose.”

“I should have killed you when I had the chance,” I choke out. My throat hurts from the pressure he’s putting on it.

CJ stares at me for a second then throws back his head and laughs. Then he pretends to wipe an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. “Oh, please, Rose. We both know you aren’t strong enough for that.”

I take advantage of his other hand leaving my arm and throw my fist at his throat, but he catches my hand in midair.

“I told you, Rose. You’re weak.”

“Am I?” I tilt my head and knee him right in the crotch, distracting him long enough to put some distance between us so that I can aim my knee right where I want it.

“Bitch!” CJ roars, grabbing his crotch as he doubles over and drops the knife.

I sidestep him and lunge for the knife, but I don’t make it in time. He grabs my ankle and tugs hard enough to bring me down. Then he leaps over me, grabs me by the hair, and yanks my head back when I try to crawl and grab the knife off the floor.

“You’re always going to be that powerless little girl, Rose, and I’m going to remind you what it feels like to be completely helpless. You will scream, but there will be no one to help you.”

I scream, all right, and twist out of his hold. “You will never touch me again, you bastard!” I manage to free my head just enough to bite his arm hard.

He stumbles away, cradling his bloody arm, and I snatch the knife. I spin around to face him and gasp for air, bracing for the next attack.

“And I don’t need anyone to help me, either,” I snarl. “I can take care of myself.”

I rush him and slash him down his other arm. I savor making him howl in pain, and I follow up my advantage. I kick him in the leg and bring him to his knees, but he just doesn’t give up.

He grabs my leg, and I fall again. I swipe the knife at him again, but he slaps it out of my hand and twists me until I am on my stomach. Before I can move, he jumps on top of me and pins my arms.

“What did I tell you, Rose? You’re too weak. This time, I’m going to make it really hurt so you never forget who really owns you.”

I let out a guttural scream. “Let go of me!” I bellow, but I can’t fight the rising tears. I fight blindly, but he’s too strong.

He starts to tug at my sweatpants, and I dry-heave. I feel like I’m going to puke my guts out at his foul touch, but he doesn’t get far before the door flies open and heavy boots pound across the room.

I raise my head and stare through my tears at Ryan. He looks ready to kill. Travis comes in right behind him, staring open-mouthed at the scene.

Ryan doesn’t waste time before yanking CJ off me. He punches him over and over until he leaves my brother a bloodied mess on the floor.

I can’t watch anymore. I crawl into a corner, hug myself, and let the tears flow.