Faking It To Survive
Chapter 5

Rose

There’s something off about today; I can feel it in my gut. I don’t care about doing anything but lying in bed all day. I don’t even care about going out for my morning run, but I drag myself up anyway.

My life is rooted in routines. The moment I slack off, everything falls apart. At least, that’s what I’ve always told myself.

The usual adrenaline pumps and energizes me while I run. The sky looks pretty bleak with heavy, gray clouds. Is it something in the air, or is it just me? I can’t tell, but I’m overwhelmed by a sense of foreboding.

I get a notification on my phone and stare at the email. Could it be because of him that I feel this way?

There’s nothing unusual about today’s email. It’s the same as every day. I have to trust my gut. Maybe the way I’m feeling has nothing to do with the man I never stop running from.

I don’t run as far as I usually do before I head back to my apartment. I manage to avoid Lisa, which is a good thing because I’m in no mood to hold up my end of a conversation or pretend to care about one of her many get-togethers.

I lock all my locks and take a shower, as usual. It’s my second day of work, and I can’t be caught slacking just because I have a gut feeling that something is seriously wrong somewhere.

I put on my usual black outfit, throw my bag over my shoulder, and lock up my apartment before I head out. I pull up my sweatshirt hood when I catch sight of Lisa flirting with one of our male neighbors. I don’t want to be seen or stopped by either of them.

I shove my hands into my pocket and slip past them. Fortunately, they’re way too interested in each other to pay attention to me.

I stop at the bus station and sit down on the bench, feeling drained. My morning exercise usually invigorates me. Now I feel like I’m about to collapse.

A voice in my head screams for me to go back home and go back to bed. I have to ignore that voice, though. I have to go to work. I don’t have a choice.

He hasn’t found me yet. I keep repeating that to myself all the way downtown. He hasn’t found me yet. I would know if he had.

The bus ride feels a hundred times slower than usual. There’s something not normal about today. I’m certain of it now.

The bus drops me off, and I go into the café for breakfast. I hear murmurs coming from the people seated near me while I wait for my food. Most of them are glued to their phones, and they keep whispering about whatever it is they’re looking at.

I ignore it at first, but when the waitress brings my order, she sees me casting furtive glances at the people at other tables.

She laughs and smirks at me. “Didn’t you hear? Ryan Baker is in another scandal.”

“Oh,” I mumble. “Is that all?”

I’ve heard it all before. There’s always something new about Ryan getting posted on the internet, but this feels different. I can’t shake off the feeling that something is seriously wrong. Is this it?

I wait for the waitress to leave, pull out my phone, and type Ryan’s name into my browser. The headline pops up on my screen, and my stomach drops. This is a thousand times worse than I expected.

My throat clenches, and the walls start closing in around me. I can’t breathe. I can’t even remember how to count to ten, like my old therapist told me to do whenever I feel this way.

I can’t stop staring at the headline.

Ryan Baker Accused of Rape.

The smaller type down below tells the story.

Ryan Baker’s ex confirms he sexually assaulted her during their relationship.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing. All that time I spent with him yesterday … the spar we had in the ring … I was in the same room with a rapist. I let him touch me. I gave him the chance to hold me hostage, even if only for a moment.

How did I not realize what kind of person he is? My gut usually tells me when someone is sleazy, or dangerous, or manipulative, but I didn’t feel anything with him.

I didn’t even feel repulsed by his touch the way I usually do with men. That in itself shocked me. I thought he was just a harmless playboy, but I was wrong.

I should have known better. I should have picked up on it instead of letting my defenses down.

Men can’t be trusted. Deep down, each one of them is a beast waiting to be unleashed, and then everything goes up in flames, just like my perfect life did.

I jolt out of my panic and race out of the café. I can’t even think about eating right now. I rush into the agency building and ignore the receptionist telling me it’s not a good time right now and that I should come back later.

My shock and fear turn to rage by the time I get into the elevator. How dare he lay his hands on a woman without her consent? He tried to ask me out, too. Was he planning to do the same thing to me?

Fury and hatred consume me as I take each step toward Travis’s office. I yank the door open without knocking and catch the tail end of Travis’s sentence.

“This is a disaster!” he yells, pulling at his hair.

Ryan paces back and forth across the office, but he immediately stops when he sees me. “Rose, now is not a good ti—”

“I quit,” I snap at Travis.

“What? Why?” He hustles over to me, his eyes wide with panic. “You signed a contract. We have three months left before the renewal date. Otherwise …”

I swallow my rage and shock. I swallow all my feelings. I have to stay professional no matter what.

I hold Travis’s gaze as steadily as I can. “I’m sorry, but I can’t work in an environment like this.”

Ryan snorts and goes back to pacing. “She thinks I did it. Of course you think I did it. You won’t even ask me if it’s true. You’re just going to believe whatever the media says, aren’t you? I thought you were different.” His voice sounds so tortured that I almost feel sorry for him, but I can’t let that sway me.

I turn on him, fuming with rage. “And I thought you were different, too! I should have known better. Men are all the same. They lie, cheat, scam, and take advantage of anyone weaker than them for their own sick pleasure. You all think the same way. Only a fool would trust you.”

“Rose, look …” Travis reaches out to me, but I take a quick step back. I can’t stand his touch, not right now.

He freezes when he sees my reaction then sighs. His shoulders slump. “I’ve known Ryan all my life. We grew up together, okay? We’ve been best friends for over twenty years. I know exactly what things he’s capable of doing, and this isn’t one of them.”

“You could be covering up for him. You’re his manager. It’s your job to maintain his public image, and if you’re such good friends with him, you want to protect him.”

Travis pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes. “I can only ask you to trust me, Rose. I know more about this than you do.”

I laugh in his face. “That’s a good one. Trust? You? What are you saying? That his ex is lying? Who lies about something like this?”

“Tammy does,” Ryan cuts in, and I flinch at the sound of his voice.

He takes a step toward me, and I take two back. His features spasm in torment, but I can’t let myself care about that … or him.

“She lied about this, just like she lies about everything else,” he husks. “We broke up because I caught her cheating on me with her bodyguard. Now she’s paying me back because she tried to get back together with me and I turned her down. It happened yesterday right after you left. Travis was there. He saw and heard the whole thing. He saw and heard her screaming that she was going to make me sorry and make me regret that I pushed her away.”

“I don’t believe you—either of you—and I no longer feel safe working as Ryan’s trainer.”

“You … don’t feel safe … around me?” Ryan snorts again, but he does it softly with plenty of irony. “That’s priceless. I’m the one who should be saying I don’t feel safe around you.”

I keep my attention firmly on Travis. He’s the only one who matters. Ryan doesn’t mean anything anymore.

“Either you accept my resignation, or I go straight to the press and tell them I’m being made to work with Ryan against my will. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that with everything else going on.”

Ryan rears back like he’s been slapped, but Travis shakes only his head.

“Rose … please …”

I harden up for another assault, but Ryan cuts me off. He doesn’t argue. He sounds too broken even for that.

“Travis …. leave us alone … please.”

Travis opens his mouth to say something—probably to tell Ryan that it isn’t a great idea for him to be alone in a room with a woman right now. Then he shuts his mouth, hunches his shoulders, and walks out.

I turn to follow him out of the office, but Ryan gets to the door first and stands with his back against it.

“If you try anything—”

“I would never touch a woman against her will,” he tells me, “and we’ve already established that you’re a better fighter than I am. If I try anything you don’t like, you’ll have me on my back in two seconds flat.”

“Yeah, well, who knows if that was all a pretense, too? You could have been pretending to suck just so I would let my guard down.”

“Dammit, Rose! You fought me in that ring. Did you honestly think at any time that I was pretending not to know how to fight as well as you?”

I start to look away and instantly stiffen. I can’t let my guard down around him, but even now, my gut isn’t telling me anything. No alarm bells go off in my head to warn me away from him. He really isn’t dangerous.

“What do you want from me?” I hiss.

“Just listen to me,” he croaks. “Just give me one chance to explain. That’s all I ask.”