I'm Not Yours, Alpha
I’m Not Yours, Alpha – Chapter 58

-You’re kidding me, aren’t you? -For the first time in his life Madox felt the taste of panic in his mouth.

Julian shook his head. All of his reddish hair fell in a curly cascade completely covering his face.

-You want me to look like the a*****e now. I blocked all the contacts I had a relationship with, I brought you on this damn trip and all I wanted to ask you to do was to be my liaison and now you come out with that-he couldn’t regulate his tone of voice or pheromones that made the omega tremble.

But it wasn’t that that made him tremble even more. It was Madox’s statement. His eyes filled with tears and he clenched his hand so tightly on his arm that he buried his fingernails. The cell phone fell from his fingers bouncing on the carpet on the floor.

-Tell me Julian, why the hell do we have to stop seeing each other? I know you’re not indifferent to me. We have good chemistry, our bodies are compatible and we can have a relationship that goes beyond the s****l. Why on earth are you telling me to end it all?

The alpha was pacing around the room like a caged tiger. His pheromones almost suffocated him but he said nothing. Even if his legs wanted to buckle.

-Tell me,” he demanded again. She still couldn’t believe he was rejecting him just like that.

He was sure the omega would agree to bond with him. They had spent more time in bed having s*x than walking around or doing anything. And neither of them had been uncomfortable with that.

It had taken him a long time to realize his feelings, these days had helped to look at things from a different point of view, and make the ultimate decision only to be dumped just like that. So that was what rejection felt like.

It really hurt like a bitch.

-Is it because I’m not the right alpha? Is it because I don’t have enough money?” he spoke for the sake of speaking only because his tongue needed to move and release the frustration he was getting so as not to break anything in the room, “Is it because the s*x doesn’t satisfy you? Because you don’t like me? Why?” he put his hands to his head where it throbbed.

-I found my destiny,” he said, interrupting him.

The atmosphere suddenly cooled inside those walls and Madox’s pheromones vanished.

Julian looked up slightly and saw the alpha’s face. His chest hurt. What was it that reflected Pain, disappointment, anguish?

-It’s a joke, and a tasteless one at that,” he guffawed nervously, “You never talked about it before.

Julian swallowed dryly. The person in front of him was not at all the usual ever-controlled alpha who seemed to care about nothing. That made him nervous. He knew well that he wouldn’t lay a finger on him, but in his state he wasn’t so sure. Still he went on.

-You remember the alpha scent I had before, well, it was his. He came looking for me before I left on my trip with you- the words flowed out of his mouth little by little taking every bit of his soul out of him.

-And then why the hell did you agree to come with me if you already had him? Do you see me as having to collect handouts from another alpha,” he ran his hands over his face and flopped down on the bed totally frustrated. He squeezed his hair tightly.

-I…I didn’t believe him at first. I can’t feel the pheromones as well as Aidan as when he couldn’t tell Dominic was his mate- his voice was shaky, his hands wringing the front of his clothes- But the memories of my mental lapses have been slowly coming back while he was here-

He saw Madox let out a long sigh and stand up with his back to her. His shoulders were tense yet slumped.

-I’ve known him for a long time- Julian bit his lower l*p- We only parted ways because of things with his family and now that he became independent he came back to look for me. He gave me time to think about the idea. And I think it’s the best thing to go back to him. Because he’s my destiny- with saying that she broke down completely. Thin, silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Madox still had his back to her. He said nothing for at least ten minutes where the atmosphere was extremely heavy.

-If that’s what you decided then so be it,” he finally said in a voice so serious that Julian trembled and I couldn’t read his emotions, “Anyway, you are my patient, I am your doctor, and we came to an agreement that we would only do this until you had a partner,” he paused to take a breath, “Once we get back I will give you the last prescription for your medications so that your new doctor will know what to do. I’m sorry, but, I can’t do this anymore- he walked to the door and took the handle- I’ll tell Aidan to help you finish packing and good luck with your destiny-.

The door closed with a dull thud.

Julian collapsed completely on the floor. He brought his hands to his mouth covering the loud sobs that assaulted him. Tears ran like seas down his eyes until he could barely see anything. His chest hurt so much it was unbearable. Everything he had wanted for so long had slipped through his fingers.

“And all I wanted to ask you to do was to be my liaison.”

Those words echoed in his head over and over again making the agony even greater. Madox had accepted him as his omega. He had accepted him. But at what point had she done so.

He collected himself all on the floor as if to make himself smaller. He was trembling with helplessness, with pain, the room even now was bigger, empty and colder. But in the end he raised his head, wiping away his tears with his completely empty face.

Why was he crying?

He had earned all this. He was the one who had made the decision and there was no turning back now. He sealed all his feelings inside and staggered up to the bathroom.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. She was a total mess. Her lips were swollen as were her eyes, her cheeks pale and her hair in a huge tangle.

She turned on the water faucet and wet her hands and then rinsed her face in a vague attempt to seek relief that never came. He smiled slightly, a smile of utter sadness and swallowed a new sob that threatened to attack him. He ran his damp fingers over the wound on his head.

He shuddered as it always happened that he touched her. He hated it and now even more. He noticed that Madox’s razor was there. It was a long and very sharp razor that he loved.

The omega reached out his trembling hand and grasped it between his fingers.

Wouldn’t it be easier if he just disappeared? The pain would no longer be in his chest. He wouldn’t have to think about his destined mate, when he loved someone else. She would no longer have to think about anything.

He gently opened the razor pulling the long, silver blade from its sheath. He swallowed hard. It was so beautiful. The edge looked so thin that he would surely barely feel it when it cut into his skin.

He took one last look at himself in the mirror. She had already lost everything, what more could she lose. At least he would have liked to have seen Madox’s face smiling back at him, but he could only remember the image of her broad, taut back because of him.

He raised his hand and looked at his wrist where the bluish veins visible through the pallor of his skin. It would only be a cut and he could forget everything. He moved the blade slowly towards the area. She didn’t hesitate, she knew she would do it, her mind was too blank for anything to stop her.

The sharp metal cut the first millimeters of her skin and soon the b***d gushed out of the wound falling on the sink and dispersing with the water of the unsealed basin. He was right it didn’t hurt and put more pressure against her wrist to inflict more damage.

When his hand was grabbed.

-Julian- a scream filtered through the haze of his mind and before he knew it the knife was on the floor away from him and Aidan’s shocked face in front of his eyes- What the hell are you doing?

-Aidan,” he muttered softly so that his knees buckled and he fell to the ground.

The omega grabbed him on the ground and hugged him against his body.

-Dominic, a towel,” Aidan asked the alpha who ran over and wrapped it around his wrist wound himself. It wasn’t deep but it was bleeding quite a bit.

Julian burst into a loud and desperate cry in the omega’s arms. His cries were barely muffled and echoed in the huge bathroom. Aidan pulled him tighter to his body and looked at Dominic.

He nodded and stood up looking at the scene. He turned away and left them so his omega could calm him. There was no one better at that moment.

Closing the door to the room he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Madox’s number and called. Earlier he had received a message from him to help Julian pick up and he didn’t understand what was going on, but since he had entered their room he could feel the thick, acidic pheromones. That had put him on alert.

The cell phone rang so many times he lost his patience, but he kept insisting. Madox had better not turn off his cell phone because he would have more problems to add to the list. Several attempts later, it was picked up on the other end but there was no answer.

-Madox, shit, where the hell are you?