Just One of the Guys
Fifteen

Knox

It's stupid, I know but I can't do it.

Not until I hear from her.

Not until I know that she's okay.

*I take off down the road that leads up to the school entrance, going left when I come to the T in the road.*

*Rounding the bend in the road, I quicken my pace when I see a large lump of something along the side of the road, my stomach dropping out of fear of what or who it may be.*

*The closer I get to the lump, the more it begins to resemble a body*.

Oh, shit, no!

*Hastening my pace to cover more distance and keeping my eyes locked on the prone form, afraid that it may disappear if I so much as look away*.

*Their features become apparent, standing out over the short distance: the curve of a button nose, long, dark hair spilling over creamy shoulders, ending where it lays against her chest, barely covering exposed breasts*. Karissa?

*When I reach her, I take in my sister's naked, obviously beaten, and bruised body. Shrugging my hoodie off and falling to my knees, I cover her with the material, and give her some semblance of modesty before checking for a pulse: finding nothing but smooth, cool skin against my fingers*.

*Panic builds in my chest, emotions taking over as I gather my twin sister to my chest, rocking her back and forth on the side of the road*.

*"I'm so sorry. Dammit, I'm so sorry," I murmur repeatedly, tears streaming down my cheeks as I hold her lifeless body against my chest*.

*Glancing down at her, suddenly Karissa's long dark hair has turned into short, chocolate colored strands, her face slimming down, her cheekbones becoming more prominent*.

What the hell?

*I'm no longer staring down at Karissa's pale complexion and dark eyes, instead I find Averi's more slender, perfect face and gorgeous blue eyes-those baby blues are what drew me in, in the first place. The rest of her was just pure dumb luck.*

*Her gorgeous eyes have haunted my dreams and when I wake, I yearn for her touch. I'm afraid that now, those baby blue orbs will haunt me in a completely different way and for a completely different reason.*

*Something inside of me breaks and I completely lose it, falling apart on the side of the road.*

*Why does this keep happening to me? Why do the people who are the most important to me keep getting hurt?*

*What is wrong with me?*

*First with my sister and now with Averi?*

Shooting up out of bed, I take stock of my surroundings, my heartbeat still thundering in my head as I realize that I'm in my apartment in my bed and not out on the road holding a lifeless body in my arms.

I don't even fully register that my phone has rung; it must have been what woke me from the nightmare in the first place.

Accepting the call, I put the piece of technology up to my ear, hearing Averi on the other end of the line: the sound of her voice panicky and upset as her words came rushing out.

"I'm so sorry, Knox. I didn't mean to worry you. I'd just been so damn pissed when I thought you'd just taken off on me like that."

"Averi..." I whisper, unable to wrap my head around the fact that she's on the phone with me, still unable to fully pull myself out of the nightmare, she was just in my arms.

*It was just a bad dream.*

*But it felt so damn real.*

I glance down at my lap needing to be completely sure, but there isn't anything there except for my blanket strung across my lower body.

*Fuck! I'm bloody losing it*.

"Knox...."

My name falls from her lips, and it's the most amazing thing I've ever heard.

"I didn't understand what happened. I was pissed off that you'd just up and took off, so I left. I didn't want to wait around and look like some kind of stalker, so I went back to my place and shut my phone off. And maybe, I'd been being just a little petty, by doing that...."

*She's okay. I don't care that she was pissed off at me because she's okay.*

*Averi is bloody okay. *

*This isn't like what happened to my sister. *

*It's okay.*

*She's safe*.

*Everything is fine*.

"Averi..." I gasp, still not able to fully believe that she's okay and not lying lifeless in my arms like she'd been only moments ago.

As I try to turn my focus away from the horrors of my past as well as earn her forgiveness, I say the only thing that I really can. "Please believe me when I say how sorry I am."

I say the words, pleading to anyone that's listening that she will believe me.

*God, I would like nothing more than to be able to hold her in my arms. To have irrefutable, physical proof that she's okay*.

"I wish I could see you," I say before overthinking it, my emotions starting to get the better of me again. "I wish I could just hold you in my arms." "Knox..."

My name comes out as a cry, shattering my heart.

"Don't cry, please. I'm sorry."

I try to comfort her, but I'm beginning to fall apart myself.

*How in the bloody hell did we get here?*

"I'm so bloody sorry, Averi."

We've not even really spent very much time together and yet, it's like my world revolves around this woman.

The thought of losing her, shattering me.

*Dammit!*

*How have I managed to screw things up so badly, and so fast?*

A part of me thinks that although it may kill me, maybe it would be better just to walk away before we both get in too deep.

*She doesn't deserve to be hurting like this because of me.*

*I'm such a goddamn fuckup*.

*I need to end this.*

*It's the right thing to do.*

"Knox..."

I quickly hang up, just as my name falls from her lips once more.

I can't continue to hurt her, or anyone else. This is why I moved from home to the states, all the way to bloody Connecticut, where I didn't know a single soul, and enrolled into an all-boys school. I needed to get away, remove any sort of temptation for a while, and get my head back on straight.

What happened with my sister really screwed me up. I thought I'd managed to move past it but this, this freaking proves that I can't give myself to someone else. Not when I can't even be there for them when they need me-not when they need me to take care of them.

*How can I, when I can't even take care of my own bloody crap?*