Knowing Jude
Chapter 54

My phone rings a quarter before midnight and to be honest, I'm not surprised. It has become a routine for Jude to call me at insane hours of the night, and to talk about what?

"I can't wait for tomorrow," he says now when I pick up.

I smile at the sound of his voice. In a span of several weeks, it's gradually managed to become my favourite sound.

"Why?" I ask, rolling onto my back. I can't remember there being any special occasion for tomorrow.

"So that I can see you," Jude responds.

"And?"

"There's an 'and'?"

"I mean, of course, you'll see me tomorrow, we have school."

"Does that mean I can't miss you?"

I let out a small laugh. "You're kidding, we were just together like, four hours ago?"

"You're not here with me right now, are you?"

I refrain from making an audible 'awww' sound because I still can't believe he's actually saying this to me. I mean, I know by now that he does appreciate my company, but he's sounding like we're in a relationship or something, and we're not. Am I overthinking things?

"What are you doing, anyway?" I ask, diverting the conversation to topics that have no chance of burning out my poor brain cells.

"Lying in bed bored to death but now talking to you?"

"Bored? Don't you have one of those night jobs you always go to?"

Actually, thinking of it, I haven't heard him make an excuse to go any of these nights we've been on the phone.

"Oh, those? Taking a break."

"Oh, Okay. So, other than street fighting..."

"Street fighting?"

"Underground fighting," I correct.

He chuckles. "Uh-huh?"

"What else do you do for money? Other than modelling, of course."

"Nothing else, just that."

"Why do you even do that? It's not only dangerous but illegal!"

"It's a form of release I guess?"

"Exactly how many forms of release do you have Jude?" I question, thinking of how he once confessed to relying on sex for that.

"You're my therapist's daughter, Jo, not my therapist."

"You really shouldn't do it. What if something happens?"

"It hasn't in eight months."

"You've been doing it for eight months?"

"Yes."

"Do you train for it or something?"

"Yes."

"I think you should stop," I tell him.

"Actually, I haven't been back there for a week now."

"That's long?" I ask sceptically.

"Compared to going through there at least thrice a week? Hell yeah."

My eyes widen. "You fought three times a week?"

"Sometimes. Other times I just watched."

"But you always look fine at school!"

"That's because I always win."

I scoff.

He laughs. "I'm serious!"

"I'm so not believing that."

"I lose just once or twice in a month, I swear. You want to come and watch some time?" he invites.

"No, hell no. I'd recommend that you never go there!"

"Scared that my pretty face will get bashed in?" he teases.

"Why would that be any of my concern?"

"Would you kiss my busted lips and black eyes and broken nose?"

A smile fights to break on my face. "Maybe."

"And my body would be aching, would you touch me all over?" he adds.

"Of course baby," I reply, making my voice as sultry as possible.

Jude groans from the other side. "I really hate it when you talk like that while you don't plan on delivering!"

I feign innocence. "Delivering what?"

There's a pause, then his voice comes across, low and promising, sending thrills down my spine.

"I'll show you, tomorrow."

"Isaac. Isaac? Isaac!"

I prod the sleeping boy beside me in his side and shake his shoulders, but he doesn't rouse. I turn to my other side and exchange a helpless look with Jon, who's seated next to me. "Is he okay?" He chuckles. "He sleeps like the dead."

"Try licking his ear."

I swivel my head further to give Simon a disgusted look. He's on the bleacher behind us three, nose in phone.

"What?"

"Like this," he says, poking out his tongue and making a sweeping motion. "Trust me, it works."

"You're so gross, can't your million fangirls see that?"

His eyes finally lift to me. He winks. "You think they see anything past this face?"

I huff and turn back. Life would certainly be easier if Simon hadn't picked some degree of cockiness along the way.

This time I ruffle Isaac's hair. "Isaac?"

He stirs, then his head slowly lifts, revealing his face from his arm. His eyes peek at me, his mouth in a pout.

I laugh. "You fell asleep."

"Huh?" he asks unintelligibly, then his eyes slip past me to the boy on my other side. He sits up immediately, his hand wiping at his face.

I laugh silently, leaning back. His reactions around Jon are just so adorable, it's a shame they're not out in public.

"Did I miss anything?" Isaac asks, eyeing the podium.

I shake my head. "Just getting started."

"Should've just let me sleep," he grumbles, watching the people setting up on stage.

I laugh and shake my head. "No way. If I'm going to suffer through this, so will you."

Our visitors for the day are an organisation that works against drug use, and the entire school is in attendance-compulsory, of course. Other than the things we are bound to learn, not that there's a lot of enthusiasm going around, getting the afternoon outside class is icing on the cake.

I turn towards Simon again, it's still just Luke and Trey seated with him. "Have you seen Nicki?" I ask.

He looks up and gazes around. He shakes his head. "No."

I shrug. "Me neither. Could she be skipping?"

"Maybe. She's acting weird nowadays, don't you think?"

I nod.

True. Half of the time when we're not in class I don't know where she is, she skips lunch sometimes and even after school I don't see her a lot.

"I'll text her," he says.

I nod and turn to scan my eyes over the student crowd in the auditorium. I'm a little disappointed but not surprised at all to see that I can't find Jude anywhere. Or Cole for that matter.

Of course, they're skipping.

Where are they?

What are they doing?

A very insecure part of me causes me to look around again. Secret relief courses through me when I spot Bethany among her friends. I see Dani too. In short, all those girls Jude used to mess around with are here, so whatever it is Jude's doing, it's not a girl.

They'd better hope they don't get caught.

Halfway through the presentation, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I know who it is even before I check it. It's Jude, asking if I'm bored enough yet to join him. When I refuse his invitation he asks me to meet him at his car after the event. I agree.

Two hours later, Jude and I walk into the Adams home. I have been here too many times of late, I don't feel like a guest anymore. I start towards the living room but Jude grabs my hand and leads me upstairs.

"I'm not staying for long," I let him know. I've gotten back home twice after Mum and Dad in the last one week already, I don't want to raise questions if it happens a lot.

"Too bad, but it's fine. I can come over to yours, you know."

"You mean through my window? No thanks."

"Oh come on, nobody watches you closely anymore," he points out.

I press my lips tightly together, letting him know I'm not about to reconsider.

He groans. "Maybe I can accept your Dad's dinner invitation for once."

"You still have sessions with him?"

He nods.

"Does he invite you to dinner?"

"Every single time."

I laugh. "You should accept!"

"Not a good idea, he would see it."

"See what?"

"How I can't take my eyes off his good girl daughter?" he says suggestively.

My eyes narrow. "Are you teasing me?"

"What? No! You're good, right?"

"What's good anyway?"

"Good question."

His door is slightly open when we get there, probably a result of leaving in a hurry in the morning after waking up late.

The excitement that's already pooling in my stomach from being here with just him intensifies when he takes my hand and pulls me against his body, then covers my mouth in a hot kiss.

I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my hands around his neck, pressing my palms against the back of his head to bring him closer to me. There are two succeeding thumps, our school bags dropping to the floor.

He leads me towards the bed slowly, guiding me onto it and positioning himself above me. I've been in this position with him severally of late, and the only thing that alarms me is the reaction that I still get, stronger every time. My hands never stop shaking, my heart never stops racing, my skin never stops tingling.

He's like my drug.

He suddenly pulls away. "I need to ask you something," he says, looking down at me.

I nod, too breathless to make a sound.

"Do you still like Jon?"

I blink. "Huh?" He knew about that?

"Do you?" he repeats.

"No."

"Good."

Then he swoops back down to kiss me again.

Wait.

That matters?

Why does he care?

I let go of my thoughts as he proceeds to place tiny kisses on my neck, stealing my breath all over again. His own breath is warm against my skin, making delicious sensations that result in a familiar tightening in my stomach. My legs wrap around his in an effort to ease the ache deepening between them, and before I know it he's moving his hips and bringing our lower abdomens together. I welcome the sweet friction with relief, ignoring the sensible part of my mind for a while. "Jude, please, stop," I plead eventually, fingers clawing down his arms.

"Do you want this?" Jude asks, breath hot in my ear. He doesn't ease up on the grinding and I can feel my legs shaking.

"Yes."

"It's okay, I'll make you feel good."

His hot lips leave scorching kisses on my neck, his teeth nipping at my skin here and there. My hands explore beneath his shirt, feel his firm muscles.

He's so warm, I can't get enough.

He bends his leg and uses his knee to push mine to the side and I let him. I feel his hands lift the hem of my T-shirt. His head lifts from the crook of my neck and my eyes open. His blue eyes hold my gaze.

"I'm going to take this off, okay?" he asks softly.

My stomach tightens in response. I bite my lip and nod. He hesitates.

"You can stop me any time you want," he reminds me.

I nod again.

He leans in and kisses me on the lips in a gentle manner that does nothing to calm the butterflies in my stomach. Then leans back up and pulls me towards him. He swiftly gets rid of my T-shirt.

Here I am, in just my bra, Jude's eyes on me. To be honest I feel a little embarrassed, self-conscious, and exposed. I move my hands towards my chest. Jude grabs them and pulls them to my lap.

He smiles gently. "Don't be shy."

"I'm not shy," I deny.

"Oh?" he chuckles. "Okay."

He reaches behind my back and the next thing I know my bra is unclasped and falling off my chest.

I gasp and hold onto it, face burning. "Jude!" We have never gone this far!

He places his palms on my sides, smiling. He moves his hands over my skin, up and down. Then he leans forward, pushing me back into the bed again. He settles between my legs and peppers kisses all over my face. "Let go, Jo."

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I want him to get rid of his shirt too, but I'm finding it a little hard to ask. This is definitely not the time I need my shyness to manifest itself. I don't get where it's coming from, since I've already made out with him shirtless before. Is it...is it going to happen?

Do I want it to happen?

Jude's hand is on my chest, trying to pull my hands away. I keep up a fight, then his lips claim mine in an intense kiss and my hands fly up to his hair. A muffled moan escapes my lips when I feel his hand on my breast, brushing lightly. What am I doing?

He drags his thumb across my nipple and a wave of sensation rocks my body. My legs end up hooked around his hips.

"So sensitive, uh," he says in a low voice. He moves his hips, making sure I can feel his erection against the apex of my thighs.

Holy cow.

No need to fool myself further, I know exactly where this is headed and I need to stop it now.

But I don't want to...!

He rolls my nipple between his fingers and my back arches off the bed. He trails his lips down my jawline, my throat, and it's when they brush my collarbone that I realise where he's heading.

A wave of heat hits me and I pull his head away from my skin.

"We shouldn't," I say in a rush of breath, my eyes shut tight.

"Why?" he asks, voice tinged with disappointment and confusion. "You like it."

"I'm not ready," I whisper.

I feel the caress of his fingers on my cheek. "Jo. We're not going to have sex," he says softly.

He might say that, I might say that, But what if our bodies don't listen?

I open my eyes. "We had better not push it."

He holds my gaze for several seconds, then groans and buries his face in the crook of my neck. "Don't do this Jo."

"I can't, not now."

I almost jump out of my skin when he suddenly hits his fist against the mattress right beside my head in frustration. My heart drops to my stomach in panic and doesn't ease even when he gets off me and lies on his back next to me.

I sit up and reach for my bra, quickly putting it back on. I'm putting on my shirt when I feel movement behind me, then arms wrap around my waist and Jude's lips press to the side of my neck.

"Jo, please," he whispers.

I freeze.

The desperation in his voice is enough to have me putty in his hands, but it's making me panicked because I don't know what's suddenly going on in his mind. He normally doesn't push this much whenever I stop things. "Don't you want me?" he asks into my ear.

How can he even ask that? He knows I do!

I scoot forward, escaping his hands and getting off the bed. I pull my shirt down and eye my bag. "I think I should go."

I don't like the feeling I'm getting, but I feel like I can't trust him right now. He's acting as if he's high or drunk, yet he's not!

Or did he just want to sleep with me, and thought that maybe finally he had brought down my guard?

Is that why he looks mad?

The part of me that believes she knows Jude better than that screams that no, I'm misunderstanding and misinterpreting things.

The other reminds me that he isn't any different from other boys, or other bad boys for that matter.

They all want the same thing.

Of course, he's nice and sweet-it's how they get girls like you.

"Please stay," he pleads. "Just stay." There's a fresh vulnerability to his voice that makes me want to stay and make him happy, but I know it might not be a good idea. I shake my head and pick up my bag. "I can't, Jude. You're... You're not even my boyfriend!" I blurt.

He eyes me intently, chewing on his lips. "Is that it? You want me to ask you out?"

I'm shocked at the suggestion in his voice like he's ready to do it if it's what I want.

"What?" I shriek. "No!"

He doesn't even date!

I regret the words immediately when his face falls, twisting in a sort of pain I haven't seen on him yet.

Was I too harsh?

I mean, dating Jude would be a dream come true but that will never happen, right?

I mean, look at him, look at me! We don't rhyme!

His jaw clenches as he gets off the bed. "Wow, that's a first." My heart thrums more wildly as he spreads his arms out wide, a crooked smile forming on his face. "Jude Walker, welcome to the world of rejection." Then he turns and disappears into the bathroom. He doesn't come out for the next ten minutes that I sit there waiting until I leave eventually.