Knowing Jude
Chapter 55

I can't stop pacing in my room, already regretting my decision to leave without checking on Jude.

I should have stayed, even if only to make sure he was okay. Someone doesn't just lock himself up in a bathroom while not taking a shower for that many minutes if he's alright.

Why did he get so mad?

I refuse to acknowledge the voice that keeps telling me that he got frustrated because he couldn't get what he wanted all along.

He said I rejected him. Did he really mean it? Did he really want to ask me out? Me, as his girlfriend? Girlfriend?

Knowing that sleep will be a hard thing to get without knowing that he's at least okay, I dial Cole's number. It rings through the first time without a reply, but I hit the dial again. I know it's late, half-past eleven, but this is Cole and the chances are he's awake.

It almost stops ringing the second time around when it's picked up and a drunken feminine voice responds.

"Who are you, why are you calling him this late, and why are you saved as 'Princess'?"

Wait.

That voice.

It's a drunken familiar voice.

"Hellooooo? Are you dumb?"

I'm about to ask, in quiet disbelief, whether this is Nicki I'm talking to when there's another voice in the background.

"Who's she? Who's she? You told me "

Her high voice is interrupted by Cole's deep one. "Calm down, okay? It's Jo."

I'm rigid now, standing in the middle of my room, frozen with surprise.

Is that Nicki? With Cole? Why is she drunk?

Why is she with Cole?

I hear her panicked voice. "Oh no. I didn't want her to know."

"It's okay, she's...oh no, don't do that..." Cole's voice suddenly sounds clearer across the line. "I'll call you back soon, Okay? In a minute." He hangs up.

I lower my phone slowly, not sure what to think.

What is going on? Where are they? It's a school night, why is Nicki drunk? What doesn't she want me to know?

My phone vibrates a minute later and I receive it. "Hey, sorry about that."

"Are you with Nicki?"

"Yeah, uh, long story. What's up? Are you okay?"

"Is she okay? Why's she drunk?"

He sighs. "It's... It's a long story, Jo. She'll tell you tomorrow."

"Okay." Cole sounds sober, so I know that whatever shit Nicki has gotten herself into, he's taking care of her. "I wanted to know if you are at your place, maybe? I wanted to check whether Jude is fine." "I haven't been back there since school let out. Why? Did something happen?"

"No, I..." I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. "He was just...upset when I left. Maybe I should call him."

"What happened? Why was he upset?"

"I... I think he asked me out and I said no."

"He asked you out?"

"I don't know, I didn't think he was serious."

"He was, I can tell you that for sure."

I pause, running the evening through my mind over and over again.

"Look, let me call him. I'll get back to you," Cole says.

"Okay, thanks."

After Cole hangs up, I become more thought-ridden than I was before. The minutes fly by, and every second my phone doesn't light up with his call, I grow more restless.

I'm considering calling Jude myself when a new text appears on my screen from Cole.

I can't get hold of him, but I'm on my way home. I'll get back to you in five. Don't fret; I'm sure he's fine.

A sense of foreboding hits me and refuses to let go. What if Jude did something to himself? Perhaps he needed someone, and I pushed him away?

I dial his number. It rings, but he doesn't pick up. Various horrible scenarios flash through my mind, and I end up sitting on my bed, head buried in a pillow as I wait for Cole's call.

If anything happens to Jude, I'll never forgive myself.

By the time my phone rings again, my eyes are wet, and I wipe at the tears as I receive the call.

"Hey, I'm here. He's okay. Just fell asleep in the bathtub."

Relief courses through me, followed by a paralysing chill. "He's okay? Has he woken up?"

"Hey, calm down," Cole says softly, undoubtedly detecting the hysteria in my voice. "He's fine. He didn't have the water on or anything."

I take a series of deep breaths. "Okay."

"Did he scare you?" he asks.

"Yeah," I admit.

"Jo, if you care for him, show it. Okay?"

I swallow. "Okay."

"We'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah... Where's Nicki?"

"She's here with me. It would be hard to sneak her back into her house right now, given how drunk she is. We'll see about early in the morning."

"Oh, Okay. Thanks."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I fall asleep with one resolution made.

I'm no longer going to shy away from the feelings I have for Jude.

The following morning, Bethany is at my locker, waiting for me.

I was really looking forward to this morning because if I don't see Jude in the next ten minutes or so, I might walk out of this place and seek him out.

So, it's only natural that Bethany's presence makes me feel as if the devil himself is out to get me.

"Why's he hiding you?" she asks when I stop in front of her. She's leaning against my locker, in no hurry.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Jude. We all know you're sleeping with him. Why are you keeping your little relationship secret? Is he ashamed of rolling around with a girl like you?"

I sigh heavily, hoping to communicate my exasperation fully. "You could go and ask him."

"Feeling all mighty, huh? Do you actually believe he's genuinely interested in you? I thought you were a smart girl."

"I did too, but I keep doubting it the longer I keep listening to your shit."

She moves off my locker and takes a step towards me, eyes slitting. "Do you know why we broke up?"

"Is it any of my business?"

She still tells me, anyway. "He slept with my stepmother."

"Huh?" I ask, caught totally by surprise. What?

Bethany adopts a smile, clearly happy to pull the rug from under my feet. "He didn't tell you? Oh. He does like the older ladies, you know."

Actually...

"I do."

Her eyes slit further. "Could be screwing a couple behind your back at the moment, actually. He slept with my mother, isn't that disgusting? And do you know for what? Money. That boy can do anything for money. And the ladies love him." I cross my arms over my chest. I decided something yesterday, and I'm sticking to it.

I'm trusting Jude, which applies to everything he's ever told me. I've been his friend for a long time now, I know how much he's fighting to overcome some habits, and I know about all the others he's battling.

Bethany is laying out his past in the hope of getting me running off. But she doesn't get it. Maybe she doesn't know it. It's the past.

And even if it wasn't, I wouldn't turn my back on Jude because of it.

He has never pretended to be perfect, and I knew that before getting into any type of relationship with him.

"And?" I ask her, lifting an eyebrow.

"And?" she echoes, looking at me as if I'm a nutcase.

"You're telling me all this for a reason, I assume?"

Her face twists. "You're not as good as you let on, are you? Or, are you in love with him? You know he'll never love you back, right?"

"You could ask him that too."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. I don't know why I bothered. He'll always come back to me. I'm the only girl he'll ever have feelings for. Have fun while you can "

"What's going on here? Jo? Hey."

It all happens so fast, I don't have time to gather myself before my face is buried in a soft fabric, my senses dipped in my favourite scent. It takes me just a second to get over my surprise, however, and I wrap my hands around Jude, relief overwhelming me. It's as if this is exactly what I needed to reassure me that yes, he's okay.

What's even more reassuring is his tight hold on me.

This is where I belong.

When he loosens his hold on me, I pull back and look up at him.

"Hey," he says again, smiling. It's a weary smile though, which looks forced.

I'm about to ask whether he's alright when an annoying voice breaks the moment.

"Hi, Jude."

I pull away from Jude completely, remembering who else is around.

"Not now, Beth, okay?" Jude says, then takes my hand and pulls me with him.

A smile breaks on my face as we walk away and leave Bethany behind. I forget about needing my locker as Jude keeps his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his side.

As you reach the final pages, remember that 000005s.com is your destination for the complete story. Share the joy of reading with others and spread the word. The next chapter is just a visit away! "Was she mean to you?" he asks.

I shake my head. "No."

"She said shit about me, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter."

He leads us into History class which we have first, and the room is still mostly empty. He guides me to the back corner seat, then perches on my desk.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It's ok-"

"It's not," he cuts me off. "I just..." he rubs the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry Jo, I just..."

He trails off, tipping his head back. I watch him in apprehension because he looks really nervous and that's not something that happens with Jude. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows, then he faces me again.

"I just can't stay away from you," he says in a whisper.

He looks really distressed, so I reach for his hand and squeeze it.

"It's okay," I say, "I don't want to be away from you either."

He squeezes my hand back. "It's not like that. I can't." He shakes his head. "I can't. When you're not here I feel like... Like I'm lost or some shit like that." He rubs his free hand over his face. "I'm sorry, I don't want to freak you out or... Or pressure you into anything but I just can't stay away from you."

"Okay."

"I'll talk to your Dad. I won't mention you of course, but if it could end badly then I'll stay away."

I frown, now completely lost. "Jude, what are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it," he tells me, then gets off my desk and takes the seat in front of me.

"I don't want you to stay away," I say.

He nods. "I appreciate that."

"Then don't."

His face softens, then he reaches across and caresses my cheek. "Oh, Jo." His voice is so sad.

The day moves on, and Jude escorts me to each and every one of my classes that we don't have together. It's sweet and I think that by the end of this day, there won't be a slice of my heart that hasn't thawed to let him completely in.

"I hope you don't mind," he says as we head to the library balcony for our free period. "Me following you around like a lost puppy, that is."

"Not complaining," I say, nudging my elbow into his side. I'm enjoying his company as much as he's enjoying mine, if not more.

"Have you applied to any universities yet?" he asks once we're settled.

"A couple," I say halfheartedly. The final exams are fast approaching and I keep feeling like I've not worked hard enough. I should be working my ass off at a time like this but what do I do instead? Chat with Jude nonstop and end up dozing halfway through my classes.

"Foreign?" he adds.

I shrug. "Yes, but I don't think I'll get any scholarship, you know? All I have are grades. I've been active in clubs but I don't have a sport," I say with a shrug.

"If you don't get any, will you stay here?"

I nod. "I don't think my parents are going to run themselves into bankruptcy so that I can live my fantasy," I reply with a smile. "I mean, the universities here are good, I'd just like to go out there to... I don't know, explore?"

Jude winks. "I know the feeling."

"What about you? I know you'd grab any chance to leave this place behind."

And the people.

I've tried not to think about it, but I don't have much choice now. I'm falling for someone who's not going to be around for long if things go according to plan. He'll go into the world and I'll be a few hours away from home, nursing loneliness and a broken heart.

I knew all along he is going to leave.

Why did I allow myself to get attached?

Because I am attached, and having to say goodbye after that is the hardest thing.

Jude flips his phone over and over. "I got a letter the other day," he reveals.

"And?" I prompt.

"I got a scholarship, in Australia."

"Serious?" I gasp. "That's fantastic!"

I jump from my seat and go around the table to his side, giving him a hug. "Congrats."

I'm happy for him. I know how much he wanted something like that. How hard he has worked for it. How much he deserves it. My heart might weep at the fact that him actually getting what he wants means me losing him, but in life, sacrifices have to be made to get where one wants to be.

When I pull back to ask for details, I notice he doesn't look too happy.

He holds my gaze, a slight frown on his face. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I frown too and raise an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

He takes my hand and pulls me onto his lap. He wraps me in his arms, his face resting on my shoulder. "I'm not."

I try to lift his head to see his face. "Yes, you are. This is an opportunity of a lifetime, you can't throw it away."

"You think anything else matters to me right now?" He lifts his head and holds my gaze. "I don't feel like I need anything else when I'm with you. You're everything to me."

As you reach the final pages, remember that 000005s.com is your destination for the complete story. Share the joy of reading with others and spread the word. The next chapter is just a visit away! "Jude "

"I'm in love with you."

I freeze, held prisoner by his eyes. My heart stops for a bit, then starts again, erratically. I can feel its wild beat in my ears. I can only stare back at him, speechless. Stupefied by his words.

"But I'm afraid it's more than that," he adds, suddenly downcast.

More than that?

What could possibly be more than that?

"Jude "

"You don't have to say it back, okay?" He gathers me in an embrace again. "I just want you to know how I feel. I don't want you to ever doubt my intentions with you."

"Okay," I say, breathless.

"You're so fucking perfect," he says against my head.

"No, I'm n-"

"Don't argue, please."

I smile and press closer to him. Whatever makes him happy.

We stay like that in silence, for almost a minute.

My heart still won't slow down, and my mind is overworking itself.

Jude has feelings for me..

Jude Walker is in love with me.

How did that happen?

When did it happen?

Is this really happening? Or is it just a dream?

"How?" I ask, my fingers picking through his hair.

"Mh?" he mumbles, like someone half asleep.

"How can you..." I swallow. "How did you..." My voice gets embarrassingly shaky and I stop, clear my throat and try again. "Why?"

He looks up at me. "Why what?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Why?" he echoes, looking thoughtful. His teeth gnaw his lower lip, and his brow adopts a soft crease. He shrugs. "I don't know. It just happened?" He tilts his head side to side. "You're Jo, of course, I fucking love you. Is that enough reason?" I laugh, but I don't tell him that's more than enough.

His hand goes through my hair, coming away with my hair tie. My hair tumbles past my shoulders, his fingers combing through it. He pauses his movement and stares into my eyes. "You wouldn't want to date me though."

I frown again. "What?"

"You were very expressive about it yesterday."

"Oh," I say, feeling awful all over again. "I'm sorry about how I reacted. I think I was confused with how you were acting and I... I couldn't believe you would ask me out!"

"Well, now you know I would," he says.

I nod.

"I also understand why you would think I wouldn't."

"You do?"

"I'm not blind to my player ways, and a girl like you doesn't deserve someone like me. You deserve someone who'll treat you right and not lie to your face."

I nod because it's true, I never want to be with someone who'll trample all over my heart without a care in the world.

"What if I told you I'm ready for that?" Jude asks.

I swallow as nerves take over me. I feel like everything is happening so fast and I can't keep up with the pace.

Why can't I just say yes?

"I know I am. For the last one month that we've been fooling around, all I could think about was when I was going to see you again and spend time with you. You're real with me and fun and-"

"Me, fun?" I interrupt if only to keep my heart from bursting.

He pinches my cheek playfully. "Wanna argue?"

I bite back a smile. "No."

He pulls me into a kiss that leaves me breathless, thoughtless, and nearly boneless.

"Are you trying to bribe me into saying yes?" I mutter against his lips when we pull back a little.

"Will this work?" he asks and pecks my lips.

I pretend to think about it. "You could keep trying and see."

"Challenge accepted," he says through a wide grin then claims my lips again.