One More Chance
Chapter 49: He has never been yours

~~~I wish I could unsay the words I said, could unsee the videos in my head, could untie the knot and unhear the promises that you forgot. I wish I could unkiss your dirty mouth, could unfeel your skin and undrown the feelings and learn to swim. Unloving you is the hardest thing to do. Wish I could find a way to be unlove with you~~~

-Alex Aiono-

I don't know how long I remained standing in my spot that night... crying, lost in thought and with a shattered heart. There seems to be nothing more painful than the last words he uttered. I felt like I was drowning not with tears but with the pain.

I remembered him walked towards the main door and left and I don't know where he spent the night at that moment... maybe with Cherry, his other woman, the love of his life, the woman he never forgot... I don't know.

I wanted to run after him. I wanted to call his name that night and ask him to stay, but I think I've lost all my strength. I suddenly lost the strength and courage to do it. I remembered the time when I first met him, I saw stars in his eyes and they shone brightly, but they were already shining in someone else's sky.

But guess what... I continued to watch him and even took the tallest ladder to get him, but now I realized that you can't catch the stars in the sky because it would no longer give light and it would no longer shine in your hands.

The thing that confused and scared me the most was that I don't know if it's the start of goodbye, to my dreams, to what we had and everything that seemed to connect us. But one thing is for sure, it's the start of every pain and every sleepless night.

Three days have passed that I've been trying to be strong and pretending to be alright in front of my daughter, but the time I was left alone, I instantly break down. It hurts so bad that I can't breathe and I don't know how to make it stop. Every time I think about them and the confession he made that night, I felt like I was losing my sanity.

They say the worst kind of love is when you want someone but you can't have them... and it happened to me several years ago until now.

***

"Why don't you just let go?"

I looked at Jack, wiped my face and gave her a smile, a smile that doesn't even reach my eyes. We were on the porch, having our favorite coffee she had bought before visiting me.

I called her the next morning after Luke and I had our last conversation and I told her everything. Of course, she was fuming with anger and wanted to go back to the hotel. She suggested to file a complaint against my husband and his mistress, but I refused. Well, it's not just because I love him, but I love my daughter. I don't want to see her cry and in pain when she happens to know I've sued her father. She's too young and won't understand that kind of thing.

"What do you mean by just let go?"

"Let go means let him go! Let him do what he wants with his mistress and in his life since you don't want to fight for your marriage and file a complaint against them! He's stupid enough to cheat and walk away, then be smart enough to let him go!" "Jack, it's not that easy! I'm thinking about my daughter. How would she react when she finds out the truth?"

"I understand what you mean, but what's the point on holding onto someone who doesn't see your worth? Besides, sooner or later Cali will find out that her father never loved her mother and that he cheated on her, so it's better if you tell her right now." "Jack---"

"I know what you're thinking, you're still holding on to this family and hope he changes his mind and comes back to you."

"Yeah, that's true! I admit I'm still hoping he would take back what he said and realizes that he also loves me."

"Tss! You're insane! Has the pain already numbed your head and ate your brain cells?

"Can you blame me? As you said, I'm his wife, his legal wife, so I have every right when it comes to him. I will fight for him, Jack!" "What?"

I turned to her when she suddenly laughed at me, but I ignored her.

"This isn't just a teenager's relationship, this is a marriage that we are talking about, Jack. We're married and we have a daughter, so I will do everything to make him choose us!"

"Okay." She shrugged. "You've already done that before, right? That's why he ended up marrying you."

I closed my eyes. She doesn't get my point.

So what do you mean by everything?"

"I'll talk to his father and I will tell them the truth. I will also talk to Cherry and show her, her place. I am Samantha Soriano Williams and no one messes with me, especially with my property!"

I don't know what's funny with what I said as she laughed at me again.

"You are Samantha Williams and no one messes with you?" She mimicked with a sneer. "Really? But what do you think is that Cherry girl doing with 'your property'?" She emphasized the last two words. "Jackeline!"

"Answer these questions, Samantha. You don't want to file a case against them, but you're going to tell your father-in-law everything? You know how influential a person your father-in-law is, he makes his own law and he controls the law, so what's the difference between filing a case and telling him the truth? Would it make any difference at all? Come on!"

"He will eventually know it ---"

"Yes, he will, but the question is that will it make any difference? Will Luke come back to you? Will he learn to love you like the way he does to Cherry?"

I suddenly lost for words.

"You have only two options for this, Sam, it's either you give up and let him go, in which when you let go there are lots of opportunities that are waiting for you and still waiting for you. You're still young, you're smart, you can finish your studies and who would know maybe someday you can find a man who is really destined to be yours... or fight for him despite that he already admitted that he doesn't love you, but Cherry."

I sighed, taking the impact of the last line she said.

"It's not easy, Jack, you know how much I love him. We've been together for four years and it's not that easy for me to just let him go, so I decided to fight for him in my own ways."

And she's the one who heaved a sigh as she shook her head.

"So it already comes from your mouth, you love him so much, that's why you'll do everything to fight for him."

"Jack---"

"Sam, it's okay to fight for someone who loves you, but it's not okay to fight for someone just to love you, there's a huge difference in that."

She patted me on the shoulder.

"Sometimes letting go is better than holding on to something that's already fading, especially a relationship. Yeah, it's a tough decision, because I know you love him and it's hard to let go, but it's harder when you still hold on and fight for him when you know he's no longer yours and he has already given up on you... well, let me change that because he really didn't give up. It's more like he's no longer yours and has never been yours."

"You know what, Jack, what you said seemed to be more painful than what he said." I frowned at her

She laughed at me, but this time it's loud and hilarious that even the security guards of our neighbour and people walking down the street outside the gate also turned their eyes on us.

"Well, I'm sorry but I'm not sorry." She said still laughing.

"Tss!" I rolled my eyes, but after a few minutes of being silent, she turned back into being serious again.

"I know that finding out that your husband has another woman is one of the most painful things that a woman can experience. It will affect you, emotionally, physically and mentally. It will cause so much pain, but you know what, any pain that doesn't kill you makes you stronger and later on, you can use it to start again in your life."

We shared a smile, but I didn't utter a word. I looked up and saw a flock of birds flying above and there a weak smile painted across my lips. I really envied those little creatures, those free-spirited birds as they have freedom. They can go wherever they want and they can show love and emotions freely without being rejected.