Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
195. Olivia - Choises II

I don't know what this Blight they are talking about is. "Living only means more suffering for me. I am so, so tired."

Wasp gives me a gentle squeeze. "There is no happiness without suffering and no love without hate. There is no life without death and no smile without tears. Whatever ties you to this man is stronger than love. The bond is so strong, I'm

afraid nothing will break it."

The bond is there to stay. Why am I so surprised?

Despite my better judgment, I ask, “If I can't break the bond, what should I do?"

"Return to your men and embrace them as they are. Bond with all of them and when the Blight is upon us, fight for our world," Wasp replies.

Embrace them as they are. It should be easy, right? Yet... this is not what I want.

"I'm not a warrior," I whisper.

"You could learn, but even if your only role is to save five demons from ending up in the Catacombs, then it is enough," Mantis chimes in.

Letting five demons anchor themselves to me should be an honor. But...why would they want me?

"What if they are the ones who don't want me? Or... what if I'm not capable of love anymore?"

Beetle folds her arms across her chest and kicks the snow. "Men are pigs who don't deserve women anyway. Fuck the bonds and come with us."

It is very tempting, but I can't put Wasp and the others in danger. They don't understand how dangerous my brother is. Not wanting anything to happen to them because of me, I say, "I should return to Jason."

Wasp exhales loudly. "You only have two options—the farm or us."

I don't like these options. If I return to the farm, I will put everyone at risk. The guest house is in shambles because of me. Rueben was shot because of me.

If I go with Wasp and the others, it's only a matter of time until Jason finds me and something happens to them.

"Olivia?" Wasp asks. "The farm or us? We can't stay here any longer. The blizzard will get even worse."

Feeling pressured to pick one, I croak the first thing that comes to my mind, "Tyson."

Why the fuck did I say that name? Is Wasp sure I'm not high or something because not even in a million years would I choose Tyson. Nor Rueben. Definitely not Rueben. Never these two.

Wasp stands and takes out her phone. "The farm is it."

"But they don't want me there," I protest. Right? "They hate me!"

"Olivia, they bonded with you for a reason."

Where is Jason when I need him to get me out of this mess? "Don't say anything about the old bond." I don't mind everyone knowing about Ansel and me, if that is something he wishes to share with the others, but the bond with him... I will take the secret with me. I'm sure he doesn't suspect anything, else he would have said something about it.

"Fine." Wasp walks away from the car.

Beetle digs her heel in the snow. "Wrong choice."

I shrug. "Between two evils, I prefer the one I already know."

"We are not evil," Beetle huffs.

I remain silent because they might be hellstars but I don't know them. At least on the farm, I have Ansel and Jasper. But Jason won't give up until he takes me back to where I belong. If something bad happens to Ansel or his blood-brothers because of me choosing to go to the farm, I'll never forgive myself. But.....what else am I supposed to do? It's like I'm at a crossroads in the middle of the night, and I have to choose one dark path or the other. The only option in which no one gets hurt is for me to disappear in the woods, but I doubt Wasp will let me do that.

Wasp talks on the phone, but she is too far away for me to hear what she is saying.

“There is always light in the darkness and darkness in the light. No one is truly good or evil,” I say to no one in particular.

Not really true. There are some really fucked up individuals out there, like Carlos. That man, if I can call him that because naming his monster would be an offense to all the monsters out there, is the most perverse person I have ever met. Then there's Azael. I've never met him but I heard enough about him to give me nightmares for life. Sometimes, pornais from the Celestial Heaven were taken to the medical facility to...entertain the men who were kept there as lab rats. After my tubes were removed, Carlos had me..... visit some of those men. The torture they had to endure at the hands of Azael turned them into...something else. They only knew violence. Kindness was alien to them, but a gentle touch or a kiss made a huge difference. Until Carlos caught wind of it and never brought me around those men again.

Wasp ends the phone call and returns to me. "Your men will be here in a short time."

My men.

They are not mine. Yet... bonds, one new, the other old, connect me to two of them.

Will this be my total ruin or my salvation if there is such a thing for me?

Hope is a poisonous thing, letting you dream of things that will never happen, feeding you one lie after the other. It eats you from the inside out until there is nothing left. There is no salvation for me.

Only damnation.

It started with a question and it ended with a tragedy.