Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
310. Rueben - Unlovable I

Diva knocks me on my back and starts licking my face. I can't say a word because as much as I like women to stick their tongues inside my mouth, Diva doesn't fall in that category. Besides, Olivia kissed me, and I want her taste on my lips, not Diva's drool. Nor can I use my hands to push her away since Olivia will get angry if I mess up my nails, so here I am, laying on the snow, waiting for Diva to get off of me. "Should we help him?" Olivia asks.

Yes! I definitely need help with my dog.

Diva licks the seam on my lips, and I press them together because who knows where the fuck she has been or what she has eaten, and I'm not about to find out. "Nah, he and Diva love each other to death," Tyson replies.

Fucking bastard! He is doing it on purpose so he can have Olivia all to himself right when she is finally warming up to me. I get why she hates my guts, but I'm trying to change. I've been angry for so long; it's all I know.

If only I knew how to be... husband material. I should try to be her boyfriend first, but I'm more than ready for the finish line. A family of my own was never my goal, but I want it with Olivia and my blood-brothers.

Now that I know the truth of how Camila died, I no longer blame Olivia for it. Sure, she might be the one who killed my sister, but it didn't happen the way the Senator told my parents it did. Despite knowing how sweet Olivia was, I made up lies inside my head about her until they became my new reality. Now that I can finally see her for who she is, it's hard not to go after the Dukes and torture them until they reveal where Carlos is hiding.

There are many who want him dead. If we want to find him, we need to be smart about it and not let every Duke out there know our plans.

Besides, Olivia needs us now more than ever. If we go chasing after Carlos, and something happens to her....

My demon snarls in anger at the idea of Olivia in the hands of her father and brother, hurt. I had enough with the days she was missing because of me.

It wasn't my initial idea to seduce Olivia, to win her heart. I wanted to fuck her, to force her to accept us; Tyson was the one who warned me about all the things that would go wrong if I did this. He didn't give any advice either, so I'm trying to sort out shit on my own. For days, I've been thinking about how to make Olivia fall for me, but nothing comes to my mind. I never dated.

"Oh. Well, in that case, I'll go get ready for the Blood Lodge," Olivia says, a bit unsure.

Diva keeps licking me. My fingers twitch with the need to push her in the snow. My demon wants to be with Olivia, and so do I.

"Do that," Tyson gives Olivia the last push she needs. When Olivia is probably out of earshot, he tells me, "Don't you even think about screwing things up with Olivia. Not now. I'm keeping an eye on you. Hurt her in any way, and you are out," before leaving.

I don't want to hurt Olivia; I want to...love her, but I don't know how. I've never had a girlfriend, only fuck buddies, and I've never been in love. The only one I have ever liked is Olivia. Part of my anger was that she didn't choose me. That she still doesn't want me.

My demon demands I bond her to me, breed her until she accepts me as hers. He doesn't understand why she doesn't want us. That I...push away all those around me. That I hurt Olivia in a way no man should ever hurt a woman. That I have no fucking clue how to make it up to her. How the fuck do I even make up for what I did to her?

Tyson fucked her and got her pregnant; they will always be tied up together, even if our son is no longer here. Spencer might not have been mine biologically, but if he were to be alive, he would have five dads. I would be a...dad. Fuck. The Senator took that away from me. He took my son from me. I let that sink deep. A wave of rage hits me hard. I will rip him to pieces when I finally get my hands on him. He is no doubt in Washington right now, and while he is there, he is untouchable. I will be patient and wait until he is on a work trip. It will be the last one he takes.

I've been so close to losing myself to the dark whisper of Hell that finding my way back is difficult. The only reason why I never took the final step was because I wanted to kill Olivia. It had been my end goal for so long that I lived for that. Now, I want her as my bonded.

It takes Diva a few minutes to calm down and let me get up. "Good girl. Now, go guard the horses," I tell her. Then I go inside the house, directly to the bathroom, to wash my face and brush my teeth.

While I get ready for the meeting, I think about what Tyson told me. For the past few days, he has been following Olivia around the house like he did in the past. They were alone in his office today for at least an hour. Something happened between them. Maybe he finally convinced her to give him a second chance. I hope she did. Tyson might have made many mistakes, but he loves her. If not for Jason, they would be married with kids by now. After I change my clothes, I go to Jasper's room. Olivia spends more time here than anywhere else in the house or around the farm. Maybe it's the only place she feels...safe.

Olivia changed into a long, royal blue dress with a slit on the left side. She looks...stunning. She pretends I'm not here and looks in the mirror before taking something out from the closet and sitting on the bed.

I fold my arms against my chest and lean against the doorframe so I can take my time to admire her better. I don't think I've ever done this before, but I appreciate the beauty of a woman. All I ever sought before was release; now I want a... connection. Tyson might be my half-brother, but I don't think he ever saw me as such. To be honest, I rarely think of him that way. But Olivia? She is more than blood. She is...my hellstar.

"I'm almost ready," Olivia finally acknowledges me as she puts on a pair of lace-up stilettos.

There's something about high heels that makes women look elegant.

"Your feet will freeze in those."

Olivia starts wrapping the laces around her left leg. "Boots don't go with this dress. Besides, Ansel bought me the dress and the stilettos for a special occasion. The Blood Lodge is not something special, but I don't want to embarrass any of you."

"The only thing we will ever be is proud of calling you ours." She gives me a strange look. "Let me help you," the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. She probably won't want my help, but it's too late to back down now. It takes me only two long strides to get to her. I squat in front of her. Her eyes widen, and she flinches away from my touch. I get why she is so fucking scared of me, but I don't want her to look at me like I'm a monster. Like I'd hurt her just because I can. I want her to be...comfortable around me. Maybe I should start there. I put her left foot on top of my knee. My fingers brush against her skin as I tie the laces around her leg. "You don't have to do that," she says.

"I want to do it." It's been years since I last complimented someone. I hope I still know how to do it. "Blue looks good on you."

She looks totally taken aback. "Thank you."