The Four Beta Brothers
Chapter 120

JUNIPER

Everything felt dark and cold, and my entire body ached. I tried to move, but I couldn't. It felt like I was stuck behind a screen, only able to watch the darkness and pain unfold. Then it felt like someone reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I tried to scream, but no sounds came out of my mouth.

My eyes snapped open as my body flung forward, suddenly waking up. I looked around the room, and it was mostly dark, but the light from the moon crept in from the slits in the blinds. Asher and Axel slept on either side of me, and neither seemed disturbed. It was just a dream.

But if that was the case, why did my chest ache with the fierceness of a thunderstorm?

My pulse raced, and little beads of sweat ran down my head. I touched the scar on my chest where the bullet invaded my body, but that wasn't what hurt. The pain originated from a little more to the left where my heart was in a frenzy.

I crawled out of bed, being careful to avoid waking up Asher and Axel. I didn't want to explain to them what was going on, because I didn't fully understand myself. I just needed some air and a glass of water.

I didn't turn on a light as I walked into the kitchen. It felt too late to add light. Plus, my wolf senses had returned enough that I didn't need the light to navigate the kitchen. I started opening cupboards, realizing I didn't know where the cups were yet. Asher, Axel, and I spent the rest of the day in bed. Asher even cooked dinner and brought it to the bedroom, since Ethan sent a message saying he was going to be late because of the meeting. He told us to eat without him.

I had wanted to celebrate the new apartment with dinner with the three of them, but Asher and Axel had thoroughly worn me out, so an evening in bed was nice.

"The cups are in the cupboard to your left."

I squeaked, shocked I wasn't alone. I turned quickly and saw Ethan sitting at the kitchen table, staring at a full plate of food. He was conflicted and distraught from whatever happened at that meeting.

"What time did you get home?" I asked. It was still a little strange to call this place my home. It was new and foreign, but as long as I was with the brothers, I knew it was where I belonged.

"An hour ago," Ethan said. "You were all asleep, and I didn't want to disturb you." His voice was dangerously monotone, and my heart started to race as I imagined what could've happened at the meeting to put Ethan in this kind of mood.

"Nathan was hurt, wasn't he?" I asked, barely able to choke out the words. My heart ached as I said the words, and I knew the nightmare and the sudden shock of pain came from my mate bond with Nathan. Ethan didn't have to say anything for me to know Nathan was in trouble.

Ethan's face broke from his sullen expression. "Why would you think that?"

"Because of the way you look," I said. Then I put my hand on my chest. "And I woke up with this pain radiating from my heart.

Ethan crossed the room and was standing in front of me in seconds. He unbuttoned my shirt to reveal my chest. His thumb ran over the blaring red scar. "Do you think something isn't healing right?"

I grabbed Ethan's hand and moved it over a little. "It's not from the injury. I think something is wrong with Nathan. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like there is a strain on our bond. I don't know what, but I know something is wrong."

Ethan pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shit." He turned away from me, but I felt a crash of frustration and uncertainty start to drown him.

"What happened at that meeting? Did you find out anything about Nathan?" I asked. I didn't want to know, but I needed to know.

"No. That's the problem." Ethan looked at me, and his forehead was littered with worry-wrinkles. "They can't find any trace of Nathan or Anthony. They are at a loss about what to do-well, not a complete loss. They want to use you as bait, but I shot that idea down immediately." "What?" I asked.

Ethan froze. It wasn't something he wanted to tell me. "I made it clear we will not be using you as bait. They think you might be able to draw Anthony out of hiding if he thinks he has a chance of getting his hands on you. I will not put you through that risk, especially not when you were just released from the hospital."

My heart thundered in my throat. "They don't have any other ideas on how to find Nathan?"

"No," Ethan said.

"Then I'll do it. Whatever they want me to do, if it helps get Nathan back, then I'll do it." It wasn't even a question. Nathan was my mate, and he was in trouble. If there was any chance at all that I could get him back, then I knew I didn't have a choice. "No," Ethan said, shaking his head.

"You can't tell me what to do." My hands shook in frustration and anger.

"Last time Anthony got his hands on you, you nearly died. If he manages to get to you again, I have no idea what kind of horrors he'll unleash on you. You're not even fully recovered yet," Ethan said. "It's too risky."

"I'm stronger now. I can help." I felt useless lying in a hospital bed while Nathan was somewhere unknown, but between the three mate marks, my strength was returning at an incredible speed, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I surpassed my previous strength. "I don't want you to." This wasn't a command from Ethan. It was a plea. "I can't lose you. I've lost too many people in my life, and if I lose you, too, then I don't know what I'll do."

"What about Nathan?" I asked. The pain in my chest only seemed to grow more intense as the conversation went on.

"I don't know," Ethan said, his voice cracking. "I'm his older brother. I'm the one who was supposed to protect him, but I've failed him like I failed James. I can't keep failing like this. I don't know what to do to fix it."

Even in the night light, Ethan's eyes glimmered, breaking my heart. He had always acted strong and independent. He was the reliable older brother who could handle anything. However, as he stood in front of me, tears glistening in his eyes, I knew he couldn't handle that role right now. He had spent his entire life taking care of others, and for once, he needed someone to take care of him.

I wrapped my arms around Ethan and held him. His tears stained my shirt as he finally let his walls down. I felt his pain from years of holding onto the guilt of James' death flooding his system. For years, he had tried to pretend like it didn't bother him, so he could step up and take over the role his father neglected. He worked harder than anyone of his age should have to, not only to train for the role given to him by his birthright, but also to keep his family together in the only way he knew how. It was too much of a burden for any one person to bear.

"It's not your fault," I said, stroking Ethan's hair. "None of this is your fault."

"I should have done something to stop my father from taking Nathan. He is my younger brother. He is my responsibility."

I held him tighter, hoping I was strong enough to keep his heart from completely shattering. I wanted to be the glue to hold him together the way he had done for his family for years. He deserved a moment to let go and only worry about himself, even if it was just for a few moments.

"You did everything you could," I said, feeling my own tears start to build. I loved Ethan, and I wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. "Please stop blaming yourself for what happened to Nathan. There is only one person to blame, and that is Anthony Burrell. He will make a mistake, and he will be caught. He has made too many mistakes to start being perfect now, and he will pay when that moment comes. We will get Nathan back."

Ethan squeezed me tighter, and his entire body shook against mine. We stood like that in the kitchen for a long while with me just stroking his hair and telling him he would be okay. I wanted to do more for him to make him feel better, but I knew this one moment would never be enough to heal the trauma the years had inflicted on him. That would take time and love to slowly close the wound, but I would never be able to extinguish the scars it would leave behind.

"I'm sorry," Ethan whispered. His body was heavy against mine, and I knew crying had been a draining and cathartic experience.

I pushed his hair off his forehead and looked into his eyes. They were clearer now, as if the tears had washed away some of the pain. "Never apologize for showing this side of you to me. I will love any side of you, and I will be your strength when you don't have any left to give."

Ethan cupped my face and smiled. "I don't deserve you."

"I disagree," I said with a smile. "You deserve to be happy."

"It's hard to think about my own happiness when Nathan is missing," Ethan said. "It feels wrong. He should be here for all of this. He deserves a chance with you."

"That's why I want to help," I said. "If I can lure your father out of hiding, then I want to try."

"I don't think it's worth the risk," Ethan said, looking at me with desperation. "I need you. Asher and Axel need you."

"And so does Nathan," I said. I hated going against Ethan like this. I trusted his judgment under normal circumstances, but this was anything but that. He was thinking with his heart and not his head, but so was I.

"Please, Juniper. I don't want to discuss this right now, and the last thing I want is for you to jump into a dangerous situation." He kissed me, and his panic poured into his movements. "Please, don't agree to this. Please." He kissed me again and again, begging me with his lips and his words.

With each kiss, I felt myself giving into him-at least for tonight. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to give up on the idea all together, especially with the ache in my chest, but I also knew Ethan needed me to agree with him to calm down.

"Okay," I agree. I kissed him back to convince him I was okay, but it wasn't enough.

"Please," Ethan repeated again, and I knew he wasn't fully listening. The logical Ethan was nowhere to be found. The man in front of me was broken, and I couldn't add any more pain.

I didn't know what I could say to convince him that everything would be okay, so instead, I deepened the kiss. I pressed my chest against his, making sure he could feel I was right in front of him. Even if I couldn't say the right words to calm him down, I knew I could distract him.

I reached for his pants, fumbling with his belt. He growled, knowing where this was going, and he quickly picked me up and set me on the counter. His eyes locked with mine, and I knew this was only the beginning of the distraction.