The Four Beta Brothers
Chapter 70

JUNIPER

I pressed the ice wrapped in a cloth against Axel's face. His lip was already swollen from his fight with Asher. After I put my stuff in my dorm, I got anxious waiting for Axel, so I went to find him. I wasn't expecting to see him and Asher fighting the way they were. Asher left before I could say anything to him, so I focused on taking care of Axel. Neither of us had said anything, other than me ordering Axel to sit while I got the ice. I didn't know what to say.

I hated seeing Axel and Asher fight like that. I didn't know who started the fight, but after Homecoming, I knew Asher was the safest bet. After our last conversation, I thought things would improve between us. I thought maybe with time we could be friends again. Then he saw me kissing Axel. I knew how it looked. Barely any time passed between when I broke up with Asher and when I started whatever this was with Axel. Axel and I weren't official, but I knew I cared about him on such a deep level that it ached anytime I thought about leaving him.

"Are you okay?" I asked, unable to take any more silence.

"Yeah." He didn't meet my eyes when he spoke. He hadn't made eye contact since I brought him to my dorm. "Are you mad?"

"I don't know." I felt like I should be mad. Once again, Asher was acting crazy, only this time he had a legitimate reason. "I don't think I have the right to be mad."

"You have the right to feel whatever emotions you feel," Axel said simply. "You can't always control how you feel, but you can control your actions."

Axel was trying to make me feel better, but his words felt like a poignant knife to the heart.

"Maybe we should've waited to do anything with each other," I said. The words felt wrong as I spoke them, and they felt worse when I saw the way Axel's face twisted.

"Do you regret sleeping with me?" Axel asked.

I hesitated to answer, not because I didn't know what I wanted to say. I wanted Axel to look at me. I wanted him to see the truth in my eyes. I cupped his face and leaned down so I was eye-level with him.

"I don't regret anything with you," I said with confidence. I wanted to kiss Axel to show him I truly meant what I said, but with his swollen lip, I didn't dare touch him. "I don't regret choosing you or sleeping with you. The only thing I regret is how it hurt Asher in the process."

"He hurt you first," Axel said. He placed his hand against my hand that was holding the bag of ice against his face.

I pulled my lips tight. Asher hurt me in a way no one else ever had. Even when I found out Josh was cheating on me, it stung, but it wasn't devastating. Even when Moira turned against me, ousting me from the entire school, I was confused and hurt, but with Asher, I felt devastated. Then he continued to act jealous and possessive.

"No one wins in a knife fight," I said. As much as Asher hurt me, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him back. Despite all of the pain and broken trust, I still cared about Asher. Part of me knew I even loved him, even though it wasn't something I had ever been able to tell him.

But I also knew I loved Axel. That was why I knew it would break me when I left Axel behind to protect him. The worst part was, if Axel was right that the hunter was targeting me, I couldn't let myself even have the rest of the week to prepare to leave. If I was being hunted, I had to leave as soon as possible to protect Axel and the others.

I had to leave tonight.

"I know. I just hate how much he hurt you. Asher has always been near perfect. He was the last person I expected to hurt you like that. If I had known, I would've fought harder for you. I would've never told you to choose him." He looked down, dropping both of his hands into his lap. He looked defeated and frustrated.

I had never stopped to think about it from Axel's point of view. All of those times he told me it was better to stay away from him, all of those times he told me that Asher was the better brother, all of those times he walked away... He did it all because he thought he was doing what was best for me. He put his feelings aside to make sure I had the best chance at happiness.

It was exactly what I was about to do for him.

Knowing that only made my heart ache even more, and this time I couldn't stop tears from spilling from my eyes. I wanted to tell Axel everything that was going on in my head. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but if he said it back to me, I didn't know if I'd be able to leave the way I knew I needed to.

"You don't have to fight for me anymore," I whispered.

Axel looked up with knitted eyebrows, and the moment he saw the tears, he jumped to his feet and pulled me flushed against his chest. "Hey, hey, none of that, okay? I know all of this has been complicated and messy, and I know there has been a lot of pain, but don't blame yourself for any of it. I will always fight for you, no matter what, got it?"

This only made me cry harder. I buried my face into Axel's chest, trying to hide all of the pain I felt. Would he still fight for me once I abandoned him without a word?

***

When Axel left my dorm, it felt strangely empty and cold. I thought about asking to stay the night, not wanting to sleep by myself, but I knew that wasn't an option. I had to pack and leave as soon as possible, and with Axel here, that'd be impossible. Every moment I spent with Axel only put him in more danger.

I threw as many clothes as I could into a bag and packed what essentials I thought I'd need on the trip. I didn't have a car, and I didn't have a lot of money, so I still had no idea what I was going to do. All I knew was I had to leave before the curse hanging over my head got anyone else killed.

Once I packed everything I could think of, I sat down to write a note for Axel. I stared at the paper with pen in hand, and I wasn't able to write anything. I didn't know what to say to make him understand or forgive me for what I was about to do to him. All he had ever done since I met him was put me first, and now it was my turn to put him first. I just didn't know if he would understand or if he would still be there for me when or if I was able to return to him.

He told me he would fight for me, no matter what, and I prayed to the Moon Goddess that that statement was true. If it wasn't, there was a chance that when I figured out this curse thing, there would be no one waiting for me when I returned.

My heart clenched, and suddenly I didn't want to go. I wanted to be selfish and stay, but I also knew that if Axel or anyone got killed because of me, that wasn't something I could come back from.

I pressed my pen to the paper and started writing, tears dripping down my face.

Axel, this is not an easy letter to write. In a perfect world, I wouldn't be writing it in the first place. In a perfect world, things wouldn't be so hard. First of all, I want you to know just how sorry I am for keeping this from you. I have wanted to tell you every day what I was planning, but I know if I told you I was planning on leaving, you wouldn't let me.

I'm sorry that you're finding out the truth in this letter, but this is something I have to do.

A knock on the door interrupted me. I set the pen down and moved to the door without thinking. I hoped it was Axel at the door. My heart raced, thinking about seeing him. I wanted to tell him the truth more than anything, and I knew if he was standing outside of the door, everything would come spilling out of my mouth.

I yanked the door open, and my heart stopped. "What are you doing here?"

Ethan's jaw was set in a hard line. He was in his teaching clothes, but he was disheveled. His top buttons were undone, and his hair was a mess. Sweat coated his forehead as if he had just run here.

"Did you really think you could put in a leave of absence from school without me finding out?" Ethan demanded, his voice reverberating through my chest. He was furious with me, and it made me want to crumple.