The Secret Island
CHAPTER 48: I Am Not Good Enough

The man in front of her still clenched his fists and avoided her gaze. He was making her feel uncomfortable. He made her feel like a burden-being here in his presence felt like an unnecessary burden. It was then Celine felt like an idiot.

Perhaps it was all in my head.

The man she had been fantasizing about every day-dreaming about reuniting and hugging him tightly-that same man who was sitting in front of her didn't utter a word. He didn't even want to look at her.

To contemplate our relationship, if there was any, Martin didn't say anything about how he felt about her. He said he liked her. But he never said the word love. Not even once.

In all our interactions, it was her alone that confessed her love for him time and again. It was her who poured out her feelings without knowing his view of her. It was her that forced him to promise. And it was her that said she would wait, although he asked her to let go.

Maybe it was all in her head.

For the past many years, maybe it was her that waited like an idiot. In truth, he might not want her to wait. In truth, he might want to let bygones be bygones. What stayed on the island always remained...and that was the end of it. We should have walked out and lived our separate lives.

"Huh...I see..." Celine felt pity for herself. If she didn't see it with her own eyes, she could have still waited like someone insane.

That was it. She was so focused on the promise that she didn't put herself in his shoes. Her tears welled up again.

She looked around the room and concluded that Martin had made a good living for himself. A big fancy condo in the middle of an expensive neighborhood. He didn't seem like a man in need of help as she was initially concerned. Her worry was unnecessary.

Martin was fine. She wasn't needed in his life. Martin was fine.

Celine abruptly stood up after the thought.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion. I have bothered you for so long, and you didn't invite me. It was abhorrent of me." Celine kept her polite tone, but her voice was shaking. She picked up her shoulder bag and stepped out of the area. She wished to disappear from this place. Her presence was unwelcomed.

For Martin...at the time we were together, he was possibly just killing time. He didn't mean it to escalate to anything concrete. Our relationship existed in that short period of time, and it had ended. Plain and simple as that. She was just one girl he had slept with. He undoubtedly didn't want her to wait this long.

"Celine...no..."

Instantaneously, he stood up and followed her to the door.

"No? No for what, Martin! What was all this about? If you don't want to see me if you feel repulsed by my presence, why don't you just say it to my face?"

Celine was losing control. Everything she was just made aware of, everything she was feeling-was too much to bear.

The voices that echoed in her head got louder and numbed all her senses. Everything she witnessed first-hand gave her a cruel conclusion.

He didn't go back to her.

He let her wait like an idiot.

He chose to dishonor our promise.

Celine was quiet. She pursed her lips tightly. She felt the piercing pain of a thousand knives stabbing her heart.

The pain of betrayal.

"It is my fault that I have waited. It is my fault to believe that you would come back. It is my fault...."

Her tears flowed down her cheeks. Celine didn't bother to wipe it.

The colossal disappointment that was more severe than not seeing him again on the island for our promise was the fact that it wasn't on his mind that he should see her again.

"Celine...no...please let me explain...." The nervousness in his voice made her look up at him again through her unstoppable tears. Even after all the torment, she still loved him.

Love...but she didn't want to love anymore.

Celine didn't want to respond. Her body was too numb to say anything.

The room fell to silence. Martin didn't say anything more. He was acting insolent in her eyes, and anger seeped into her. She could never imagine our reunion to be like this. She never thought that the Martin she fell in love with was just...an imagination.

With confusion and anger that began to erupt, Celine shouted.

"What are you explaining!? Are you explaining how confused you are once you know that this dumb girl is still waiting for a man who would never show up? What do want to explain to me!? Say it!!!"

"Celine..." Martin said tiredly.

He stepped closer while she took a step back.

But once she looked into his eyes. The same sincere and strikingly beautiful eyes...those eyes flashed a glint of remorseful sorrow that she paused. She came to her senses and tried to be a bigger person. She suppressed her anger and didn't respond.

In the end, Martin spoke.

"I just want you to be happy...."

"After everything had ended. I thought it was better to let you live your life with someone better than me. You deserve better than to be with someone like me."

"I believe Joe told you what happened after you left. I was arrested on the charge of corporate fraud and embezzlement. I have a criminal record. Someone with that sort of history is not good enough for you, Celine. I'm not even good enough to breathe the same air as you-"

"An excuse..." She blurted out to cut him off. She was crying.

"Celine..."

"All you said...is all an excuse. Why don't you tell me the truth?" She stopped and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

Martin took one step closer, and this time she was too tired to move.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth? The truth as what you really think. Why didn't you tell me...that...t-that you never love me?" Saying it hurts.

Every word stabbed her heart, leaving it a gaping wound.

She was weak...she was drowning in those tormented thoughts and didn't notice Martin moving closer.

It was then when tears obscured her vision that it became blurry...

It was then that Martin held her tight.

His two arms hugged her tightly, not letting go. His shoulder was wet with her tears. And her treacherous heart that longed for him for years commanded her to hug him back. The senses were once again overwhelmed with his familiar warmth, his scent, his touch, and the tender gesture of his hand stroking her hair, trying to soothe her distress.

Everything that was him kept her calm.

And she didn't know how long it took, but Martin finally spoke.

"That is not true."

Celine looked up at his face at a close range. His eyes were red. She just noticed Martin was crying as he hugged her.

"That you said I have never loved you-that is not true."