The Secret Island
CHAPTER 49: My Heart Desires

To Celine, two paths emerged...

The two paths were diverged by reasons and emotions.

She was overwhelmed by anger and hurt, and all she wanted was to walk away, but that 23-year-old girl, the girl she once was, stopped her two legs from moving. That girl, that besotted young girl-the past her that was deeply in love with Martin-the girl that overlooked reason and dignity-that girl demanded that she stayed. And once Celine weighed her options, she chose to stay and listen to what Martin had to say.

They still held each other in silence. Celine waited for Martin to continue saying something, anything. Just now...did he tell her he loved her? Eventually, the man spoke. He spoke out his heart.

"Don't say...that I've never loved you. Of course, I do. I've loved you since we were together. I love you, knowing I should not love you. Since then, my heart beat faster whenever I hear you talk about your feelings. And although we were not together, I love you. I wanted to go back...."

His arms around her tightened. He hugged her so tight that Celine heard his heart beating faster.

"...I was wrecking my brain every day on how to resolve all the problems I had and still have. I wanted to be good enough for you. I wanted to fulfill our promise. I wanted to give you what you deserve...."

"But it was all too late. I'm not good enough. Things that happened stomped over me like a piece of garbage. I could never be good enough. I didn't dare to go see you again. I thought you would be disappointed. Everything I have become could only disappoint you."

He paused.

Martin smiled at her.

He loosened his embrace to wipe away the tears from her cheeks.

"...but in the end, I still make you cry anyway. I'm sorry...."

His straightforward confession rendered her speechless.

"Can we sit down and talk like two civil adults? Of course, you have always been the civil one. It is I who was rude all along." He asked, and she nodded. This was the most confusing time in her life. He had always been an unpredictable person. And he hadn't changed.

"Say whatever you want." She said curtly in a tone she had never used with Martin. Her anger still lingered. She was both furious and disappointed in him. But she still wanted to stay, to be close to him, because she still wanted to hear him explain everything that happened.

And if possible, this greedy woman wanted to hear him say he loved her again.

Martin hesitated for a moment, and he began to tell his part of the story. She found out that he had returned to the island last year and found her with another man.

He said he was hurt, but he wanted her to meet someone new and someone better, whatever that meant. Martin confessed his insecurities, but to her, the explanation still didn't make sense.

"Martin, are you crazy? Just because you saw me with someone else? Just because you saw me walking alongside someone, is that it? That was the reason you didn't even walk to me and say hi?" He nodded.

"I felt lost seeing you with someone else. Maybe that was for the best, you know, you are free to date anyone you want, and you could easily find someone better than me. I wasn't sure I could make you happy."

This was the first time she could sense that he had lost his confidence. Unreasonably insecure. He had changed from someone who had everything under control and was great at planning. What happened to him?

"That man was just a random guy that tried to get me on a date. He was a great conversationalist, and we had a few laughs, but nothing came out of it. He wasn't my lover. For the past four years, I have not been in a serious relationship with anyone."

Celine couldn't believe she could experience today-the day she had the power over Martin to the point she could reprimand him.

"Walking away like that was such a foolish action. You could just come up and talk to me. Why didn't you give me a chance to explain? We hadn't met for years. Didn't you miss me at all?"

"I did. I've missed you. Of course, I miss you...." He answered softly.

"If you did, why didn't you come up and talk to me that day? Were you lying about promising to come back to me? Why did you let me wait?" All the wasteful time waiting still left fresh wounds in her heart. No matter how many times he apologized, her wounds could not heal. Even though he said he loved her, that was not enough.

Martin dishonoring our promise still hurt her. What happened left a big gap in her heart. She trusted him. She gave him her love, but it was as if he saw no value in it.

Yes...she was disappointed, inconsolably disappointed.

He confessed his love. But those were just words-and could never erase the four years of anguish she had to experience. And the fact that he was capable of going back to see her, but he did not, cause a deep distrust.

"It was not just that. Seeing you with someone else stopped me. That was true, but also, I couldn't imagine seeing myself with me. I couldn't see myself making you happy."

"Many things happened during my two years in prison. Some experiences don't deserve to be told. I did things for survival. And that made me think that for someone with a criminal record, violating the law, and had been through those filthy experiences-could that someone make you happy?"

"That day...standing there...watching you from a distance...all I heard the voices in my head say was no...no...no. I only heard the word no."

The lengthy explanation did not satisfy her. But it made her more disappointed. There were many times that he didn't tell her his side of the story. No, in truth, Martin never really told her anything. Celine responded to him wearily.

"What is it again? What did you experience that you can't tell me again?"

After years of training herself to be a decisive businesswoman, Celine had changed-everything about her had changed. She could no longer sit in silence. She couldn't just listen and accept everything she was told.

It was true that she still loved him, but that 23-year-old who was not confident in her future, the girl who was not capable in any way, the girl who always depended on him-that girl was no longer who she was.

"...in the end, I'm someone who you are not confident in telling anything, is it? You never thought of telling me anything or asking me my opinion. You made up your own conclusion and moved forward with it alone. My thoughts do not matter. Because you don't trust me."

"No...it's not that."

"If it's not, then what do you really think? Why didn't you tell me what you have been through?"

"See? All you could do is keep your silence."

Her tears had dried up, and she had regained her senses and reasons. She had become more herself.

"To be honest, what you did, letting me wait like that-I cannot forgive you for it." Martin looked at her in disbelief.

Celine took a long sigh. She handed out an ultimatum.

"If you don't prove yourself that you genuinely love me, I really cannot forgive you."