The Secret Island
Chapter 69: My Beautiful Chaos

When Celine was studying fashion, she had to read the research on beauty and its philosophy. One article that she read and stuck with her was this Japanese philosophy called Wabi Sabi (D), which describes beauty from the perspective of imperfection. She didn't really understand it back then. Why do we have to find beauty in broken things? Could imperfection be beautiful? Why do we have to be satisfied with simple, uninteresting materials? Is that type of beauty truly beautiful or some meaningless philosophy?

The philosophy she read was in stark contrast to her life at the time. Celine always wears new clothes, shoes, bags, everything-everything she chose was classically beautiful, expensive, new, and the best. She threw away everything old and broken and bought new ones. That was just common sense to her. Why should she keep flawed goods? Those were just unpleasant to look at.

Her actions represented her view and definition of beauty-it needs to be outstanding and, of course... perfect.

She didn't understand this ridiculous philosophy of the love for imperfection in Wabi Sabi. Whatever the professor taught her, she kept arguing against it in her head.

But the time had changed. She had learned from many life experiences, and now things were different.

She could say that she had become more mature, and she could understand the essence of that ideology a bit more.

Celine was holding her favorite pair of shoes in one hand, and in the other hand, she was holding Martin's hand. He was still very reserved, as always. The beach we were walking on had rocky sand, but that couldn't stop us from walking barefoot on it to totally embrace nature. It was the twilight time of the day. The sea was turning dark blue and gray, and the wind was strong. In such turbulent and gloomy weather, she could feel the warmth of his hand and the warmth in her heart.

She found herself being content just by being able to walk side by side with him again. He, the man she said she loved. The man that kept blaming himself for his sin. The man who kept telling her that he was not good enough, not perfect enough, and not a good match for her.

She turned to look at Martin's face. She thought of our story-everything that meant so much for her in this relationship was all imperfect. There was nothing near perfection. Everything that happened was confusion and chaos. And she loved every minute of it.

"Where are we walking to?" She asked. We had been walking for a while. This was supposed to be a relaxing strolling after our early dinner. Martin still kept his silence. She guessed he was being shy again... too shy to say anything. That was unexpected since he was opening up a bit more during dinner.

But he still held her hand tight.

"Actually... I don't really know." He confessed.

"So... we are walking somewhere random without a real destination?" "Yes..." What?

"Alright, whatever. Maybe we could find a good spot with a great view."

"I honestly don't think the view could get any better."

"Huh? And why do we keep on walking in this direction? We are already a long way. I barely see anyone else." Celine was confused. He asked her to walk along this rocky beach, and she was curious if he had any plan, so she went along. Even with her comment, they still kept on walking without any direction, but no one seemed to mind too much.

"Well..." He tightened his grip and looked at our held hands.

And he blushed once more. Celine swore that she hadn't seen a man his age blush this often before. That was interesting to observe.

"Do you just want to walk along the coast and hold my hand, or what?" She chuckled. He acted like a high school boy again, she supposed.

She was surprised that Martin was nodding to her question and smiled at her.

"I just want to hold your hand and stroll like this without thinking much about any problem. It's kind of pleasant to just be." She didn't know if he had planned it in detail or if that was just something that had happened. The reason for inviting her to just walk along the beach was vague, but whatever, she liked this randomness.

Her heart beat faster again, and this time she, too, was blushing.

Celine suddenly stopped walking. Martin turned to her in confusion and tried to see if something was wrong.

Celine bit her lower lip and looked around. When she saw that they were the only ones there, she whispered into his ear.

"Martin, kiss me. This time, please don't let me kiss you first."

"Huh?" He was startled at her strange request.

"Oh, please, you must also know that you let me kiss you first many times now. Be more confident about this! I just don't want to keep being that girl that initiates the move first. Think of this as a practice or something."

The atmosphere was in their favor; cold, gentle wind, dim light, and the sound of the waves.

She didn't want to be the one that made the first move. She always wants to tell him that.

Celine bit her lip and smiled sweetly at Martin's confused face before closing her eyes and waiting.

The first sound she heard was a deep inhale from Martin, as if he was gathering his courage. What she felt next was his slender hand that caressed her cheek, his finger that gently moved to her lower lip and touched it to open slightly. And what she felt next was his lips on hers. Celine just stood there, being still and letting him kiss her slowly...

His kiss felt like what he was feeling. She could feel his attempt to please her, care for her, and fear that she would pull away. She hoped he knew that she wouldn't go anywhere. If he was here, she didn't want to leave for anywhere in the world. "Ahh..." She found herself in his arms, and he was holding her tight. She began to lose control. His tongue met hers, and he tasted like sweet hot honey. She couldn't tell how long she held on to him for support. But it was she who broke the kiss. She didn't want to want him more when we were in the middle of nowhere.

"...tell me... what is on your mind?" Celine asked softly while in his arms. She was heaving while clinging to him for support. And the feeling she thought had disappeared emerged again.

He kept caressing her back and kissed her cheek. Martin whispered in her ear. His honest voice made her hold him tighter.

"I just want to make you happy...."