Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 107

"Oh, what about Marion, that's a nice name?" I made a face hearing that, maybe if it was thirty years ago, not now when I was been reading up on what was the most popular names seeing the cunning woman that made a trying smile. I knew that she was just trying to get Mary in somewhere... I wasn't stupid when I was eating her food like I was one of her kids and not a grown woman that was friends with her son, that was still weird. she didn't care so I guess I didn't either.

"No, Mary... I'm more into the more popular names, like Ariana or Luna, maybe even iris..." she made a face like she didn't think that I should have anyone of them. she was forgetting that I was not having her grandkid the way she was treating me. I made a smile when she sat down. It was nice though. I was not going to deny it. Having a woman that didn't treat me like shit, not that she was that much older than me, she was around her forties making this even more weird when I pushed the last part of the food into my mouth before she did a smile like she was happy when I stood up showing up my huge belly, I mean It. I was f*****g huge for having just one baby, people asked me all the time if I was having twins making me pissed off, I was just fat and that was it! "Not that long now Andrea... look at you, God bless you with something good with all that bad that happened. Don't forget that..." she looked at me smiling when I just made small one back. Yeah, that was one way of telling me to be happy having a kid with a rapist. That was dead. Fucker.

"Yeah.... I'm going to go now Mary, I'm late and Angela is going to have my head pregnant or not if I'm not in helping her today, big court day." I made a snicker when she just nodded and I waved goodbye walking slowly down the stairs cursing every step from it when I heard the heavy steps of one of Toms older brothers when he looked up and made a grin seeing me come down, Phillip, 24 and ready to take on the f*****g world when he was already at my side making me do a grateful smile helping me down the stairs, he was big too, not as muscular as his younger brother, still handsome and nice, he had his own IT-company or some shit like that already... I had no idea how the f**k younger people where so accomplishment these days? I hadn't done anything at 24, less when I was 34 like I was now. F**k.

"Pretty, let me help you..." he did a grin when he held my hand to the bottom of the stairs and I did a smile at his. he was nice just like James, that whipped bastard. still letting Angela just push him around when he just wanted to f**k her, I knew it. That was not my problem anymore. He was a grown man and if he wanted that, let him.

"thank you Phillip..." he did an even greater grin that I smiled at when I was going for my coat seeing that it was the last of November and my baby was just weeks from being born, my due date being f*****g 23 of December, with my luck I was going to have this baby alone on Christmas day and I knew it seeing Phillip that was following me and looking like he really wanted to ask me something when I just made a cunning smile. He liked me and I knew it. Even when I was fat and pregnant. He was so cute standing there looking like he was working up the courage to ask me out and I already knew it.

"Hey... Andrea... I would like to know, well maybe you would like to grab some food, you know... just you and me?" he was gulping when I just made a secret smile.... Shit... I didn't like him like that.... he was nice and all that, but he was just looking for trouble starting to date me, I was having a baby and I still loved Jonah. I did. F*****g a*****e.

"Phillip... listen, you are great... but I'm not ready for anything like that... I'm sorry... I just think that you could do so much better than me, you know?" I made a smile that he just looked upset over like he wasn't really expecting me to say no to him. I mean I got it. He was young and handsome, he had a business, and he was stable, and here I was alone and having a baby. Its was the golden opportunity for me and still I didn't want to take it.

"Alright... well... fuck had to try, hadn't I? I think you are hot, and I don't care that you are having a baby Andrea. Ma loves you and you are like a part of this family already, you really don't want to give this a chance then?" he made a small chuckle trying to not look so embarrassed when I just stared at him for a few seconds.

Maybe I should. I mean Jonah was never coming back. He hadn't called or even fucking stalked me for almost 8 months now, nothing. Not even a snap to ask how I was doing. He just shut me off. Like him and me never existed.

"You know what Phil? I love too... I'm sorry for being so fucking bitchy to you.... Its just hard you know... after..." I stopped when he made an understanding smile, he knew just like Tom, well he didn't know about the part about Jonah killing my baby's father. But he knew that I been with Jonah and that was enough, I guess.

"Yeah... well... just tell me a time and place, its your call.... But if you like, I do have an invitation to an event that my company got and I need a date this Friday." He looked at me with a sly smile making me chuckle when I was rubbing my belly slowly, an event? With me? a huge woman? That was going to stroll around all the pretty people? Well, he was funny, wasn't he?

"I don't know... I mean look at me Phil. I look like a freaking house and you want me to be your hot date?" He made a nod like he really wanted that making me snicker more, he sure was adorable when he was telling me that he wanted to f**k me looking like this. "yes, I don't see why, you still are pretty, pretty..." he made another sly smile making me realise that he was not that different from Tom in the end, just a little more grown up when I made a sigh. Fine.... If he was crazy enough to have me at his side, then I was going to go.

"There better be food there, just saying...." He made a chuckle when I winked and opened the door, seeing my crappy car that was waiting for me at the back street of Toms family business having Phil follow me out on the street giving me his arms to hold onto so that I didn't fall on my fat a*s when I walked over the empty street in the snow.

"I will pick you up at seven at your place, does that sound good?" he helped me open the door when I just nodded, yeah, I got it when he did a nod back grinning looking at me like he was his brother just having some girl that he was hooking up with, crazy bastard. "Yeah, Friday, seven. Got it Phil." He smiled more when he closed the door and I smiled when I was driving over slowly in the small car, I needed something bigger, this was getting ridiculous seeing that I had a hard time getting in it and ignored the candy wrappers around the seats, f**k that! I was pregnant, and I wasn't going to deny myself seeing how f*****g awful it was those two f*****g months I was locked up.

I stopped after finding a spot two streets down and started to walk down to the courthouse where Angela was waiting on me, carrying the files she wanted me to bring and my computer in a strap bag around me with a bag of chips I found looking for my lipstick that was ruined for the record.

I was eating slowly and just walking not giving a shit on how I looked to people that just walked past me, I had done my face today and that was enough. Angela didn't like it when I looked like crap, but she gave me shit when I looked to vain too, that bitch was never happy when I reapplied the lipstick tossing the chips bag fast before she would see it when she was already looking like she was going to have someone's head and that was not going to be mine today.

"Hey, Angela!" I was waving at her when she looked up from her phone and frowned more making me loose my smile, oh shit she was pissed, and I was going to pay for it. I just knew it from those menacing eyes staring me up and down like she was not happy with how I looked like.

"Andrea, what the fuck is on you? Chips?! She frowned more when I looked down over my coat and started to brush it off fast, f**k! She was making more frowning looking over my hair when she really thought that I should just cut the blonde part of when I had like half my hair brown again, basically I looked like shit, and she knew it same as me.

"Okay, it's all gone now. Sorry!" I said it fast not meaning a damn word and she knew it just making some curses that she had the worst employees in the world making me snort, well she wasn't that wrong, between me and Carl... yeah... maybe we weren't fucking perfect, but we got the job done and, in the end, that was all that mattered.

"at least you have the fucking papers, and oh did you..." she was already talking when we walked up the stairs when I was handing her over what she needed and just smirked when she did a small smile like she knew there was a reason that she was keeping me on her payroll. I was good, and she knew it.

"Alright, you know the drill, just keep your mouth quiet and for god's sake, don't fucking eat in the court room, please!" she made a sneer when I just made a surprised frown back, that was one time! I was really hungry too!

"Yeah, I know... "she just nodded when she walked up to her client and started to be all business when I stood in the background. I was just a glorified secretary that was not that impressing seeing that I was huge and just waiting for Angela to give me the nod to come along when I looked down the street, people everywhere trying to make it, just like me.

I was just about to turn around seeing that Angela was still talking. I made a sigh. she was lucky that she paid me my full paycheck or else I would have made Carl come here and help her, and he was a lazy bastard, fucking genius but still, a lazy pig. "Jonah, no stop it!" my whole-body tensed up hearing the giggling soft voice of a girl that was still laughing when I closed my eyes just trying to breathe. No. that was not him. It was not my Jonah that was coming up the stairs with a girl in his arms laughing like he was having the time of his life running in the falling snow around us.

"I can't stop it... not when my hands are..." the coldness in my heart was spreading around me when I heard the familiar voice. he sounded so happy and carefree like he really had forgotten I ever had existed when I opened my eyes again, knowing that I was only hurting myself seeing the young pretty girl with auburn hair and freckles that was kissing him several times and he was letting her, like they were deeply in-love. I made a small intake of air before breathing it out again, he probably was that. happy. "Andrea, lets go!" I snapped my head seeing the small fraction of his eyes shifting up seeing me and the big grin that dropped when he saw me, standing at the top of the stairs and looking like shit, like I wanted to die but couldn't.

I made a small sniffle not being able to stop it, he was a f*****g bastard, a criminal and I still loved him. He had just forgotten I ever was in his life, kissing his new girlfriend like she was his everything, like I was before her.

"Andrea, are you fucking deaf!?" I made a painful face when I hadn't stopped looking at him, still lost in the blue green eyes that I thought had loved me, my soulmate.

He looked like he was lost for a few second, just raw fucking hurt that made me feel better for the short moment it lasted, good! I hoped he fucking hurt! He had ruined my life, I mean... he saved me, but he ruined me! I ... I hated him, I did!

"Do you want to lose that Christmas bonus I know you fucking need, what is up with you??" Angela was finally close enough when I felt myself getting even more embarrassed, not that Jonah didn't know that I was broke. I mean I always was, but that I still was, well not as much as before, but still it was f*****g embarrassing, especially when Angela wasn't the most discreet woman on earth.

She stopped and followed my eyes seeing Jonah and then she made a frown like she didn't understand, and I knew why. He didn't look like he did when she chased him off. That time he looked like a damn kid, a bum and now he was all prim and proper, he dressed different too, like he had been growing, becoming a f*****g responsible adult. All it took was breaking my heart it seemed.

"Joni, let's go..." I wanted to laugh seeing the older woman that was stepping out from the black expensive cars behind him when she looked up and saw me too, making her whole face drop when I narrowed my eyes back to the older woman that was Jonah's mother. Fiona. Bitch.

"Alright you kids, lets go get those papers so that we can get you married just like God intended, okay?" she made a smirk like she was happy when Jonah was still staring at me, making his apparently fiancé stare not even knowing who the f**k I was. "Andrea, lets go...." Angela didn't remember Jonah, but she could see that I was in no f*****g state of doing anything, that f*****g bitch just said that he was going to get married, what the fuck!?

"Jonah, lets go baby...." The girl was giving me real suspicious looks staring at my belly when she was dragging Jonah's tall body along making me want to snort. Why shouldn't she?? He looked like he saw a ghost. Me. I was the fucking ghost of his past that his mother made sure to give a mean eye when she walked up to the girl and smiled at her when it hit me.

The girl from the homeland.

That was her.

The homeland girl.

F**k!

"Andrea.... You know what... just go back home, I can't work with you being like this...." Angela was patting my back when I just nodded, still staring at the couple that was walking past us and Jonah suddenly ignoring me like I really was a ghost, that fucking hurt. I just turned and walked down the stairs as fast as I could since I didn't want to fall when I was taking out my phone and already calling Tom getting angrier for every fucking second that he didn't pick up, he had some f*****g things to explain, and it was right now! "Jonah is getting f*****g married!?" he didn't even have time to say anything when I was already screaming it out into his ear making him do an annoyed growl back on the other side before he made my deepest fear in my heart go true. "Yes." He just said that and sounded like he sat down when I stopped and stared out into the street. Jonah. He was getting married. He loved somebody else that was not me...... oh f**k! F**k! F**k!

"I didn't want to tell you Andrea, I... well how the fuck was I supposed to tell you that he got f*****g engaged two months after he dumped you?! that is just f*****g wrong, even to me!" Tom made a sneer when I just started to cry. So, it was true then?? he really didn't want me back.... It was like the last small bubble that I had hidden away in my heart, that one day he was going to come back to me just smashed into small pieces along with my heart.

"Oh god... oh god... oh fucking god..." I was making wailing noises that he couldn't help me with when he was just quiet on the other side, Jonah was f*****g engage and I was alone still f*****g waiting for him! I hadn't even kissed another guy and he was going to get f*****g married; I was so stupid! So f*****g stupid!

"Tom.... I.... I want to die!" I was making the words between the hard sobs when he still didn't say anything, he knew that I was telling him the truth, about me wanting to die. If I hadn't been pregnant, I would have just done it. Killed myself, just walked out into the traffic and die.

"You can't do that pretty.... I know that its not fucking fair.... I know...." He made a sound on the other side like he was feeling it too, just how fucking crushed I was, and nothing was going to save me, nothing.

I didn't answer him. I just hanged up and still was crying when I was walking over to the car in a slow pace, my face destroyed. I was stumbling in the snow when I finally reached my car making me start to cry even more. Why was he f*****g getting married?! He loved me and he f*****g knew it! Always had! so why the fuck was he with that bitch!?

I spent an hour just crying in the car when I only moved when I felt my baby kick making me finally get that this was real. Jonah was going to be a good boy from now on and marry the girl his mother wanted, and me? I was going to be alone forever, just thinking about the time when I was with him.

My phone going off making me look at its quick thinking that it was Tom that had snapped me, and he had but there was something else too, a snap that had blocked me when I looked at the message that was making me want to start bawling my eyes out again. "Just stay the fuck away Andrea!!!" I read it over and over. There it was. Jonah's private snap. The one he never changed when I stared at it for so long that my body was frozen to the core, stay the f**k away. Got it.

I threw the phone back into my bag and turned my key fast and aggressive, I was never going to wait on him again, never! I was going to f**k every guy there ever was! F*****g shit that I couldn't f**k James, I would have f*****g recorded it and sent it to his f*****g phone!

"you motherfucker! I hope you fucking burn in hell, hope you are fucking miserable getting fucking married!" I was screaming and gritting my teeth setting out into the street and just whishing that I still looked like when I came back from the island, not like I was now. Fucking fat and huge!