Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 111

I was asleep when Jonah was waking me up, holding our girl that he gave over to me when I made a bright smile feeling the suckling of my baby girl, she was beautiful, just like he was. I was so lucky.

"Andrea. We need to have a f*****g talk about this..." he was sitting down looking grimmer when I didn't understand? I was so happy that she was his and not Chris, I mean I still loved her of course, but everything just got so much easier when she really was his blood and not just a baby that I had that he already adored.

"We are listening.... Aren't we baby girl?" I made a chuckle when Jonah did a small smile like he couldn't really stay mad at me right now, he better f*****g not seeing that I just pushed his kid out!

"You know I trust you... but things are way to f****d up, I want to see it on f*****g black and white if she is mine or not..." he looked guilty when I got pissed, of course he did... he couldn't f*****g accept that he had a kid, that idiot!

"Fine, you are going to see that I am right, look at her, she is a f*****g copy of you, look at her hair... its dark just like yours...." I dragged my finger through it carefully when he made a sigh and leaned back like he saw it too but still he didn't believe it the stubborn bastard.

"Yeah... but so are yours... and so was his..." he gritted his teeth when I lost my smile... oh god it was... f**k I had forgotten about that part... I wanted to forget everything that ever happened with him, he was just a f*****g nightmare in my life that I couldn't wait to forget!

"Fuck..." I said it sadder feeling the small hands that was gripping around my finger and boob, alright... so if that was the case... I didn't care... I never had... I was just so happy that there was a possibility that Jonah could be her father... I wanted that so much. "I'm sorry... I'm soo sorry Andrea... you know I love you.... And ... I don't hate the girl... I don't.... look at her... she is still perfect no matter what idiot of us she comes from..." he did make a smile at the end when I did one happy back, he was right about that part. "Oh, Ma is going to kill me... you better get ready for that Andrea, I might be sleeping with the fucking fishes when she finds out that I had a kid out of wedlock and.... Well fuck she doesn't like you and I don't know why......" he looked even more ashamed when I just did a hurt face, so she didn't like me did she? Well fuck her... but the thought of her not liking our girl... no... that fucking hurt to the point that I wanted to cry.

"Andrea... baby please don't cry..." I was making sniffles that I couldn't stop... I hated that I was crying when he was staring at me looking like a lost puppy too that couldn't do anything at the moment.

"I just want to know... if she is his... do you still marry that homeland girl or what?" I didn't have the strength to beat around the bush, I wanted to know if he wanted me back or even dared to get back together if the girl wasn't his, if that was all that he was weighing his decisions on.

He didn't answer like he really hadn't got that far, I cried harder. that meant yes to me when he looked hurt like he was pushed into a corner. I was feeling the same way lying still on the f*****g maternity ward having my baby just hours ago.

"Its complicated.... Okay... it's not just a marriage.... Its more of a merge and.... I'm having a hard time getting out of that Andrea, no matter what I feel like..." he stopped when I was crying louder, why was he even here then?? He could just go home and wait on the test result seeing that if it didn't match then I was never going to see him again.

"Complicated...." I made a mocking tone against that... fuck him... I wiped my eyes slow still blinking when he was looking so fucking guilty that I wanted to kill him, fuck him! He did this to me and then he blamed me for lying! And now he was not even brave enough to face his own mother, ridiculous!

"Fuck you and your fucking Ma, you hear me, Jonah!? I don't fucking care! All I know is that I have my own baby to take care of and she comes fucking first! Just go back to fucking mommy and the homegirl until you know if you have the fucking balls to tell them that you have a daughter with me!" I sneered it hard and angry; he was lucky that I couldn't scream seeing that I didn't want to disturb her still feeding not even knowing that I was itching to kill the youngster that was her father.

"Stop that! just fucking stop that! I'm trying, I'm fucking trying, aren't I? Jesus fucking Christ Andrea, give me a fucking minute! I have spent a long fucking time just trying to accept that you are having that fuckers baby and you just spring on me that she is mine, f**k you!" he was whispering it back making me do a bigger scowl, no f**k him! F**k him so much!

"Just get the fuck out, they will send you a fucking message when we know, but you know what, in the end, I don't care! I thought you didn't either!?" I turn my head away from him because let's face it, I couldn't storm off and he just stared at my head being turned away like he wanted to snatch it back like he did when I looked away but couldn't seeing that we where not alone when nurses dropped by any minute to my room.

"I care! I fucking care, I'm sorry but I do! I am willing to help you out Andrea, I am because I love you, but I don't know if I can go against my parents for a baby that's not even mine, they are not going to understand!" He looked more ashamed then angry now and I didn't know what he was ashamed over. me, her or himself, all of us maybe.... f**k... I looked down at the small girl.... she was innocent and we were the fuckups....... maybe he was right.... f**k! I started to cry again, it was hard and raw making my chest hurt, I wasn't supposed to cry this much right now, not when this supposed to be the happiest day of my life!

"Just leave Jonah.... Just give me my phone so I can call James...." I made another hurtful sobbing sound reaching out my hand when he just stared at it like he hated that, hated that I was going to call James when I was still snorting and feeling my hard tears down my face, he was such a coward. Always have been.

"No. I don't want that fucker around here, if she is mine, then he is going to stay the fuck away, I know his fucking type, just swooping in and try to snatch my place, like he always has been trying to do." He said it more serious than I had expected when I just made a big sigh, to tired to even argue about James. So, he didn't want me to call him, and he didn't want to admit that he was a coward and go against his mother not marrying a girl he didn't love when he had a kid with me.

"Please.... Jonah... I need to call someone...." I just stared at him apathetically, I needed help getting home and I didn't want it to be from him like he was acting right now, like he didn't know what to do anymore.

"Call Tom or Joey..." he said like that was what I wanted... no... I wanted James and I didn't care if that made him upset, he told me he loved me and then he said that he didn't know if he even wanted to break up from his arranged marriage, what a f*****g chump he was... maybe it was better that she wasn't his daughter, then he could just marry the homeland and forget we ever existed.

"I'm not calling Tom or Joseph, I want James since he is my best friend and my parents doesn't even know I was pregnant, he cares for me Jonah and I need that, I need that so fucking much right now...." I blinked feeling the tears that fell down my cheeks again, wiping them away fast from the small girl in my arms, already drench from my tears if I didn't stop crying.

"Fine, call the fucker... just let me hold Kira a little more..." he was already getting up to take the sleeping girls from my arms when I looked up at him surprised, Kira?? What the f**k did he mean by that?? he didn't even say anything more when I just stared at him in awe holding the small girl in his big arm and rocking her the slightest like he already was a damn pro when I was still sitting in the bed propped up and forgetting what I was doing because it looked so fucking beautiful.

"Kira?" I said it way calmer than he fucking deserves, he still didn't know if he was her father and he had f*****g named her without even talking to me that selfish bastard, he was lucky I loved him.

"Yeah, Kira.... It's after my grandmother, on my Da side, it means dark hair beauty, I looked it up when you were sleeping..." he looked up making a smile that I didn't hate... Kira... fuck ... fuck him looking so goddamn confident like he already had won. I should just say no, tell him that he could forget naming her Kira after his grandmother, seeing that he still was a coward.... But... fuck it was kind of pretty, wasn't it? She had dark hair... and she was beautiful.... He just looked at me and beamed more like he didn't even need to hear me say it when I just made a big sigh, fine. Kira it was.... I leaned back just stared at them, my.... Whatever the f**k he was right now and beautiful daughter, I loved them soo much, more than my f*****g life.

"Kira Marybeth Sullivan." He just said it when I had closed my eyes the slightest making them go big again, Mary? What the fuck was everyone so fucking obsessed with that name? even Toms mom whose own name was Mary and his whole family was telling me that too, like it was mandatory making me frown against his chuckle seeing my confused face.

"I told you Andrea, I'm catholic so my kid is having the name Mary, it's a f*****g tradition... you wouldn't get it..." he did a smirk like I really didn't when I just gave up again, fuck him. He had already stolen naming her, what was adding Mary to the fucking pot already?

"Its not Sullivan, its Wilson, remember?" I hated to say it seeing that he really wanted her to be his, but he still didn't want to call of the engagement if she wasn't, that was just f****d up.

"No, it's Sullivan.... Listen... Andrea...." He was just about to say something when the door was opened and a whole bunch of people just barge inside when I looked up and saw Tom, his whole family and Joseph actually smiling when he was holding a big teddy bear making me laugh and cry at the same time, I had never been so happy to see them in my entire life, even Phil that Jonah saw and immediately gave a death stare when he knew, of course he did... I hadn't made any effort to hide that I was kissing him. "Andrea, oh my Lord, look at you, where is the baby!?" Mary was looking around the room, her eyes finding Jonah that was holding my baby still and he did a tired smile seeing the whole heap of people in the room.

"Oh Jonah! Look at you! Look at you.... God really made a plan for you, didn't he?" she was already there and staring down on the baby that was making small noises hearing the commotion but didn't seem to care, that was good seeing that me and Jonah was not the most quietest of people together.

"Mary.... Hello.... This is Kira..." he said it not even looking up at me to ask if it was okay when I just made a big smile at him holding her, look at him, he was her father. No matter what that f*****g test was telling us.

"Kira... isn't that your ....?" She looked up confused and smiled more like she was starting to get the pieces together before it begun to sparkle in her eyes like she could see it too making my heartbeat faster, I knew it! She could see it, she looked like him, she did! "Oh my.... look at this.... Look at her Pat, isn't she the most precious thing you ever have seen?" she still hadn't stop staring at the beautiful girl talking to her husband when Joseph sat down on the bed next to me, still holding on to the big bear making me smirk, maybe he just bought it for himself, who really knew with him.

"So, Jonah's the daddy then.... you are in so much deep shit now Andrea..." he made a chuckle that really didn't reach his eyes and my heart fell down to my stomach, what the f**k did he mean by that? trouble??

"You shut your mouth, Joey; you hear me?" I looked up seeing Jonah that was pinning him down with his stare making him loose the small grin of his face; I didn't know if he was joking or not, but the room suddenly got serious in a heartbeat even with balloons and stuffed animals that made me so happy just a few minutes ago.

"Whatever.... Look at you, still trying to be a fucking good boy when you are not, that's your baby and you know it. Even I can see that." he made a sneer standing up and gave me a warm smile when he turned his head and gave me the bear like he didn't give a shit about Jonah or his words, shit Joseph really wasn't scared of him anymore. They hadn't spoken since he called him fat at the bar, I guess he was sick of being Jonah's whipping and errand boy. good for him.

"...and my name is not Joey, its fucking Joseph! I hate that fucking stupid name!" he made a sneer before walking out not giving a shit over what happened making me smirk, I know that I was supposed to be upset that he started a fight with Jonah here in my delivery room but fuck it, this was my life and might as well get used to it, Jonah had it f*****g coming.

"Oh shit... Pretty.... Can I hold her?" Tom was taking the steps towards Jonah that made a sneer at him holding her away the slightest like he really didn't want to give her over to anyone else then me, made me smile even more. That idiot. He really thought he could go back home to mommy and pretend that we didn't exist, he was going to suffer just as much as me in the end.

"No! no you can't fucking hold her you idiot, Mary can hold her, but none of the rest of you, and you!" he was looking at Phil that made a smirk like he just had been waiting for Jonah to single him out and threaten him like he was about to do right now. "We are going to have a serious talk about what happened yesterday...." He said it way calmer when Toms parents was still in the room and didn't want to act like the insanely jealous bastard he was in the end, same as me.

"talk about what? That I took Andrea out on a date? Kissed her? took her home and kissed her again? Oh... Joni.... you don't get to say anything, I know that you are still engaged to Shailene..." Phil's voice was light and mockingly when Mary made a face like she was scolding him the slightest and Tom made a surprised face at me, so he didn't know then, why was that funny?

"Shailene...." I said the name bitterly making Jonah snap his eyes back to mine already losing his anger and just looking lost and embarrassed when he was still holding what I really believe was his daughter, I think I liked homeland girl better...

"fuck you!" he said it back to Phillip having enough when I made a hurt face, why was everyone already knowing more than me? it was like I was the last one to know everything around Jonah and honestly I was getting sick of it.

"Jonah, give me my baby back." I said it cold and demanding. I was not letting him get my daughter f*****g attached to him and then just throwing her away, better that he just left us alone forever and lived happily ever after with Shailene.... no matter how much it fucking hurt me.

"Andrea... just wait... wait a fucking second before you say something.... I will fix this.... I don't know how... but I will..." he walked up slowly and let me have the small baby back when he just made a devastated face at my hard one. I loved him, but she, Kira. She was not going to be in some f*****g power struggle between Jonah and his mother and chosen bride, no f*****g way.

"Can you even do that? fix this I mean?" I sounded more hurt, and I hated that we had an audience when Mary was the only one that got that and started to push out all her family, her husband and sons, all of them looking at me with pity that I hated.

We were alone again, and we still were staring at each other. I was so lost in that I wanted him to be her father that I kept forgetting that he still didn't want to stop the engagement, what the fuck was that about? Him living with some girl he didn't love, and for what? Money?!

"I.... I don't know yet...okay.... I don't know how to fix this Andrea....... not yet..." he looked confused at me when I made a small nod, okay. I got that part too.

"Jonah... I don't know what the fuck you want to do... or what the test tells us, but I don't want Kira to be involved in some kind of feud... I love you and you know that, but maybe its just for the best...you not being involved in our life at all.... You don't even want to break off the engagement and I know that your mom is not going to take this out on just me..." I didn't even say it accusing, just sad and hopeless feeling the small movements of the girl that was awake and made noises that was complaining like she missed being in Jonah's arms making me want to start to cry again when I knew how she felt like.

"No, she wouldn't dare do that.... whatever you think about her Andrea, she is still my Ma, and she loves me... she just doesn't understand...." He said it sad again sitting down on the bed and I made a sigh, trust me. nobody got this. Him and me. us the least of all people.

"I don't know her Jonah and she doesn't know me. she just said that I was a whore that was after you and me having a baby that is yours is not going to help my case and you know it... you told me that this is a fucking business deal more or less..." he flinched hearing me say that, but it was the truth. Maybe if he didn't love me, he would have been happy with her, but he did and I know that nothing was going to change that, no the girl, not time, not living apart, nothing. he was mine and I was his.

"Just... give me time, okay? I need to fucking solve this without getting fucking disowned Andrea, I have enemies and if the find out that I been cut off from my family, it means that not only I am in fucking trouble, you and Kira too..." he looked at her again getting a small smile, see he did love her. I know he did.

"Your dad likes me..." I said it not knowing why when he did a bright smile from nowhere like he knew that too making me smile the slightest, that was a good thing, right?

"Yeah, he does... he does baby, and if this was up to him then all of this wouldn't have been a problem...." He made a face of pressure when I was confused, wait what? Wasn't Jonah's father the one in charge or what?

"It's not my Da who is in charge of the family Andrea, its Ma. Always have been, she is the one that makes the calls and the rest of us just keep our head down.... He said it like he wanted to get out, I knew that he didn't want to have that life that he was clearly born into, otherwise he would have been happy living in a f*****g mansion with his pretty fiancé, but he was in a crappy apartment, on his own and he had a baby with me, the old, divorced neighbour.

"Oh, f**k Jonah.... Maybe you should have started with that when I f*****g met her?? then I wouldn't have stood up against her so f*****g much, what if she hurt Kira!?" I was panicking and I knew it. I wasn't stupid, I had already figured out that Jonah's family was part of something bigger, I just didn't know what until I was kidnapped.

"No.... no don't say that... Ma is hard, she is a bitch, but she would never hurt Kira, especially if she is her granddaughter..." he looked down again and I saw him look at her like he really was trying to figure out just by pure brainpower if she was his or not. "Jonah, just go and tell them that we want to take the damn paternity test. Its not that hard." I said it trying to not sound so damn hurt. I believed that she was his from the moment I saw her, but he still didn't think soo, it was f*****g breaking my heart. "Okay.... Andrea.... I...." he stopped and cleaned his jaw making me do a sad smile seeing his eyes, oh he wasn't going to tell me, he still was a damn coward in the end when it came to his feelings.

"I do love her, no matter what, I do love Kira even if she is Chris baby and.... Well... fuck... I just wanted you to know that..." he looked sad when I did a nod back, yeah, I knew he did and that was making things so much worse.

"I will snap you? Alright, don't you f*****g block me or some shit like that because then I will come after you and you know that I am serious...." He made his voice darker in the end making me smile, I knew that too. "Got it Jonah, don't block you on snap...." He beamed the slightest at that, hearing me repeat his words, oh god why did I love him so much?

"that's my good girl..." he made another smile when he walked back the small steps towards the door and kissed me and I didn't stop him feeling the sweet mint on his breath, I loved him so much.... He kissed Kira to and looked at us smiling and looking like he wanted to die same as me when he walked towards the door backwards, this was not how I thought this was going to end, but at least he had told me the truth for once and not just told me to go to hell.

"I call you tonight or as soon as I can, okay?" he was leaning in the threshold just not waning to leave when I did another nod, got it.... I looked down at Kira again when I started to cry for what seemed to be the thousand time since I got her, I was going to call James and Andrea was going to kill me for having these baby too soon according to her timetable.

"Its going to be okay, Kira.... Oh my god its going to be okay baby...." I was still crying picking up the phone, I just wanted to get out of here and soon when I was all alone realising that Kira was the only reason that I didn't just go after Jonah, not giving a shit if his mother killed me or not.

"James, come pick me up, I had my baby...." I started to cry again, and I knew that he was already on his way, he was the best friend in the world.