Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 131

"I'm sorry." He said it heavy when I looked up at him, still in my tank top and shorts, barefooted and felt cold, I know he was, I did.

"You cold?" he looked at me when I was making a nod seeing him take of the flannel and made me put it on, showing me his worked arms and the smell of him engulfing me hitting me like a brick hammer when I was pulling the shirt closer around me. "Leave them on Buck, you need them more then me..." I made the smallest of smiles when he was leaning down, getting his boots off for my feet when I made amused look, he really was the sweetest wasn't he?

"No, no... shit I deserve it... take them, take everything..." he was getting his left boot off when I made a chuckle, fine that was up to him then if he wanted to freeze his a*s off on the ground that still was cold and full of dew. "Thanks..." he helped me put the boots on and I felt the shiver when his fingers where caressing my ankles and I pretended that I didn't know what he was doing, begging me to take him back, on his f*****g knees and shoeless.

"Its fine... you know that I would do anything for you, I don't care if I have to go naked Andrea, I would give you all I have..." he stopped when he looked up at me, his fingers touching my legs gently leaving me tingles and I hated that my body betrayed me, it didn't give a shit that Buck had broken my heart, the slightest touch and I was a goner for him, always.

"that's never been the problem Buck... you naked I mean... "I made a sigh when he got the message and got up, making me follow his face up again. the warm grey eyes that were hurting and that soft brown hair that was always messy and still looked so good, his clean shaved face that was scratchy when you caressed him, oh god.... He was so handsome.

"I... I don't know how to fix this Andrea, I fucking don't but... if you give me a chance... just one chance and I will show you that I was just an idiot for being stupid and f****d Sarah, I love you and..." he stopped when I held my hand up, I didn't want to hear it. I just didn't.

"I don't know either... I mean I still love you Buck; we were getting married and now... now we are f*****g standing here like we don't even know each other anymore..." I was trying so hard not to cry again seeing that I knew Kira was keeping tabs on us, she wasn't fooling anyone when she looked up every 3 minutes to check on me and Buck.

"I should have stayed... I should have fucking stayed but I was so mad Andrea, you said stuff to my face I'm not sure I was ready to forgive either and... I am still going to break the arm of that friend of yours if he shows his face here again, you understand that?" he said it seriously when I nodded, sure... call me cold-hearted but that wasn't my problem, that was Toms and he wasn't here, and if Buck went for him that was his choice.

"I got it.... I never wanted Tom to hurt Mitch, I really didn't... I was just tired of always having to defend myself. I was really hurt when I heard them talk about me, the boys... saying that they just were waiting on you to dump me, I mean I love you and they don't accept that..." I made a sadder face because that was the truth, none of them did, Sophia. Yes. But not Mitch and Jared.

"They have to accept that because that is not going to change, no matter what Andrea. no matter what... I love you and that is scary as hell for me... shit... I never thought I would meet someone like you at my age, I mean come on... I'm almost fifty and I met the love of my life... it feels like I wasted so many years, even on Sarah even if I love her to for having our kids but...." I stopped him kissing him hard, I know that it didn't fix anything, but I didn't care, I just wanted to kiss him, everything felt so much better when he pulled me closer right away, like I never had been missing from his arms.

"Kira... she is really fucking spoiled, isn't she?" I was still breathing hard from him kissing me back when he made a grin and I did a heavy sigh, I knew she was... but she was my everything... she was all I had and of course I fucking spoiled her, I did.

"Soo fucking spoiled..." He made another chuckle when I started to laugh too... oh god I still didn't know what the fuck I was going to do about him cheating on me... that part was still hard and he must have seen it losing his playfulness and pulling me closer again when I had leaned back trying to figure shit out and let's face it, I never would.

"I swear on my mother's grave, I swear that I will never ever cheat on you, ever." He said it gravely when I did a confused face at that, I wanted to believe him, but really... I had heard that before and not just from him, from Ryan and Jonah too and they both did it, they cheated on me hard and left me broken-hearted.

"Buck.... I don't know... I can't marry you... I love you but... I can't just go back to where we were, alright? I need to take a step back and just... let's see what happens..." I leaned back again when he did a defeated nod like he got that and I made a sigh, seeing him crushed wasn't easy for me either, it really wasn't.

"Alright... I still going to hang onto that ring Andrea, since I want to see that on your finger one day...no matter how much time it takes for you to forgive me..." he made another sad smile when I wanted to start to cry, why did he have to ruin everything for us? "I have forgiven you Buck, I did it as soon as I saw you... I just... I can't trust you... that's all..." my answer made him look even worse, but it was the truth, I had been through worse, much worse so in my world. What he did was nothing... but... did I trust him not to do it again.... I couldn't say yes to that and that was what was stopping me from just telling him to come back and live with me and Kira.

"You really know how to make a guy feel bad, don't you baby?" he said it amused with strong hard sorrow in his eyes that was making me want to start to cry all over again, yeah, I did... it was one of my many talents except for f*****g up everything I ever did. "I want to trust you Buck I do.... Just give me time..." I made a trying smile when he nodded again and I released all air from my lungs, he looked so stupid standing there without his boots, it was time for him to get them back and for me to get Kira dressed, or I was going to be late for day care and work, again.

"Here, your boots and your shirt..." I was trying to take it off when he made me have it on and I hated that I wanted to have it on, I did and he saw it, but he did take his boots back making me smile, he was the best, he was a fucking cheater but the was the best. "You look good like that... can't wait to kiss you again.... Oh, goddam Andrea... I'm going to miss waking up with you..." he said it looking at me when I made a smile, same.

"You know what.... Work for it Bucky..." I made a slyer smile that I knew he didn't deserve when he walked up and kissed me again, fuck he was the best kisser I ever had been with, even Jonah.

"I'm going to work for it... I swear..." he whispered it making me breathless even more when my heart was pounding fast seeing the handsome man walk back to the truck, hoisting Kira up and down making her laugh and sending her back to me when she still was having my phone, oh fuck, look at that grin he was having, fucking hell I loved him, I did.

"You better!" I said it back when Kira was waving like crazy seeing Buck taking his truck and leaving us and I didn't feel like shit anymore, I mean I didn't feel like before he had told me he had fucked his ex-wife but.... I don't know.... maybe I was stupid for wanting to believe him, oh I know I was ... I was but I didn't want to let go and if I did..... Well Kira was going to suffer just as much... but I sure as hell wasn't going to just give him a free ride back, if he wanted to be f*****g serious with me, show me that he was real than it would take more than being an amazing kisser and swear on his mother's grave.

"Let's go back home Kira, mommy needs to go to work..." I was pulling her along when she was still holding my phone and seemed fine with that for once, miracles did exist it seemed.