Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 132

"He is here again Andrea..." Tilly made a small smirk when she popped her head into my office when I made a sigh and looked up knowing exactly who she was speaking of.

"like a little lovesick puppy... let me tell you I never thought I see the day when Buck Underwood would beg to have any girl look at him twice... he so handsome..." Tilly made a big dreamy sigh and stared at me for two seconds showing me just how jealous she was when I made a frown back, she was f*****g married for 17 years and here she was daydreaming over Buck that was supposed to be my fiancée if I hadn't broken that shit off.

"Thanks Tilly... now go do your damn job." I said it snappier when she looked up offended like she couldn't believe I just told her off, she wasn't my friend or even someone I socialized with outside work, nope she just was my f*****g employee that needed to get her nose out of my business.

"Can't believe Buck Underwood is going through that trouble for that...." she stopped when I raised my eyebrows hearing her mumblings slightly turned away, what? What was I?

"You want to finish that sentence Tilly or maybe do what I f*****g pay you for so that your kids can eat??" she made a terrified look, she was the main source of money in her family, and I knew that so I wouldn't fire her a*s, but she was really f*****g pushing me if she called me a bitch for holding out on Buck.

"No! let me get going than and .... Andrea.... give Buck a chance, whatever he did he is sorry, look at him!" she was saying it pointing straight down to the floor where the customers were moving around when I did an annoyed sigh, why did she even bother with me? wasn't her own life enough?? That f*****g gossip!

"That is my business Tilly, now get to fucking work or I am taking away every damn minute you are here and babbling shit about me and Buck you don't know nothing about!" I was up and growled it when she saw me and just made a scared smile before taking off and leaving me alone. Finally!

I stepped away from the office and walked slowly down to the floor, fully aware that someone was going to grab me on the way down, and if they didn't then a customer would, probably to complain.... Well... I didn't care, I was happy spending ten minutes listening to something before finally coming down, reaching the floor where I knew Buck was standing on.

He was talking with some guys that I bet he knew when his eyes found mine and they lighted up when I was walking over trying not to feel so fucking nervous as I did when I was in public and he was around, I mean I really couldn't be Andrea the manager when Buck was here, my heart wouldn't let me and I became this mess of feelings that I didn't know what to do with when he made a bright big grin that I loved on him, I really did.

"there's my girl!" he looked even happier when I stood there not moving an inch to come and greet him in any way, his girl, really? I made another frown when he dropped whatever face he had that I was coming over and hug him, be super friendly or whatever he was expecting when he said goodbye to the men that was watching us amused, I mean it they where chuckling under their breaths, probably because I was shooting him down hard and in public.

"I'm not your girl Buck," I just said that making the men break out into a weird sound of pity or... I don't know it sounded so stupid to me, like they were small boys cheering him on and having even more fun seeing him crash and burn.

"Yeah, I know... I know... shit I know I messed up Andrea.... And I said I work for it, this is me trying here..." he made an awkward smile, and I knew that he wouldn't say shit with an audience, I mean come on he was a guy and a proud one at that, almost whispering when I made a sigh, taking his hand and pulling him along, so he wanted to talk. Then he would f*****g talk than.

I wasn't even inside my office with him behind me closing the door when I turned and stared at him disapproving, what the fuck was he doing anyway!?

"Buck, what the fuck!? You need to stop coming here, you got me? people here they love you and since I haven't told anyone you fucked your wife behind my back, they are driving me fucking crazy telling me to forgive you!" I was having my hands on the sides of my hips, giving him a dirty look when even more pitiful hearing was me say that, well he did. He f*****g f****d her and that was just how it was!

".... you know what... I said I wanted space and here you are, this is the third time this week, this shit is not going to work, you can't keep stalking me at work!" I dropped my hands again feeling exhausted, why couldn't he get it inside it his head that it was too soon, that this. Him being a f*****g stalker wasn't going to work this time, only piss me off!

"Then tell me, tell me what I can do! I don't know what to do Andrea!? I know you said you wanted your space, but I been staying at the roadside motel, and I hate it, I hate every damn second that I have to wake up and know that you aren't there, that I can't hear Kira screaming in the other room, breaks my heart!" his voice was getting more intense for every second, like he had been preparing for this moment, me telling him to f**k off and I just stared at him, that wasn't my fault or problem and if he didn't back off I was not even going to give him a chance to win my trust back.

"Buck, just... back off alright.... you brought this shit on yourself, you didn't see me go fuck my ex just because we had a fight, did I?!" he made a snarl hearing that like the thought of me fucking anyone else than him was really making him upset, well now he knew how I fucking felt every time I looked at him!

"He isn't even here so how would that even make sense!? I know I fucked up Andrea, I know I did big time, but I never meant for it to happen! I just was so angry, and she was reminding me of another time when we were happy, I got suckered in alright!? I got f*****g nostalgic for a short moment and I hated myself the second I realised what I had done, I swear!

I stared at him not knowing what to say, he looked tired and so did I. he hadn't been sleeping and I was turning around all night, not only because of him, James was still here somewhere, and I hadn't seen anyone, but I didn't trust him at all. if he was here, he was going to do something stupid, like burn his f*****g house down!

"Tell me to my face that something like that couldn't have happened to you, if your ex-husband was around!? I bet you guys didn't hate each other all your marriage, I mean you have Kira together don't you!?" he was saying it accusing when I felt sick again, f**k. He really still believed that Kira was Ryan's daughter.... I wouldn't touch Ryan, let alone spit on him if he was on fire at this point but Jonah...... I made another sigh when Bucks eyes caught it, my hesitancy that maybe, maybe I would have given in.... f**k ... I would, wouldn't I?

"Fine. If Kira's father was here, then there would have been a big chance that I would have f****d him, does that make you feel better, Buck??" my teeth gritted, and he looked even more like he didn't. oh, I know he didn't, but now he knew what I felt, pure and utter f*****g jealousy!

"No! no it doesn't feel any better, alright!?" he stopped when he was getting even more upset and I was shaking my head, why was even here? We didn't need this, it was too fresh, too much f*****g hurt to even make something of us, I needed time. "Just back off Buck or I'm going to forget you ever existed.... I need fucking time and I don't care that you are suffering or why you fucking did it! I just want some time alone and if I still feel something for you after that, then we can talk! not now and stop coming around my work or I am banning your a*s from the store, the f*****g branch if I feel like it!"

"Fine! I will give you your damn space, like I said, I'm no quitter Andrea and I love you...." he said it way sadder and more broken than he attended to when my heart made a jolt from the pain that was inside my chest, just pouring out. that stupid fucker, he had ruined us and now he was here telling me that he wasn't giving up, and I didn't hate him for it.

"Fine!" I just said that when he swallowed and I swear he wanted to cry but he would never do that, not here, over his dead body that Buck Underwood would cry over some girl he cheated on, that was not happening. Not in this town.

"Buck... I do love you... just.... I will call you.... when I know... okay?" he had turned around walking towards my offices exit and looked around showing me that he did have hope in his grey eyes, beneath all that sorrow and regret, he did.

"Sophia says hi and that she misses Kira... and.... well...... she wants to see her... alright?" he said it with a voice that was about to break when I made a nod, got it. Kira missed her too, oh and she did miss Buck, more than she ever did before this happened, like she could feel me being sad and she didn't want me to be that, and she knew Buck made me happy... or ... yeah, he did... he did make me happy until he didn't.

"Tell her that she can come over anytime she wants... I am not blaming her Buck or the boys, only you..." I know that I was crushing him when I said that when he made the smallest of whimper that was coming out from his big neck and nodded when I knew he couldn't answer that or else, he would start to cry and then he would never be able to show his face in this town again.

He closed the door and walked fast and determined against the stair leading down to the floor again and I knew that he was just holding his breath making me feel even worse walking over to the windows, seeing the big parking lot that was before the store and saw him get inside the truck that was already running, away from me.

He was just about to take off when he looked up knowing where my window was and our eyes met and I knew that he was crying, he fucking was and I wanted to cry too, that stupid idiot!

"Goddammit Buck!" I was cursing kicking the shit out of my trashcan not caring that the whole upper floor heard me, f**k him! f**k him for being so goddam sorry and wanting to make it right again, f**k him for telling me he loved my baby and that he would do anything to fix this! I didn't even know how that would even happen, no f*****g clue!?

"Fuck!" I made a snarl when I walked back towards the exit, seeing at least three of the guys working the floor standing just outside the wall and I made a real growl seeing Tilly was one of them, great so now everybody knew what had happened, that Buck was a fucking cheater!

"Leave!" I said it hard when they scattered like cockroaches and I took three deep breaths knowing that I was so stupid, having this conversation here, of course people would find out! most people here knew each other from kindergarten and Buck was like this famous or f*****g infamous womanizer apparently!

"Andrea.... you want some cake?" I looked up sitting on my desk seeing Tilly coming back and she did look like she was sorry over that I was sad making me feel worse seeing that I had snapped at her so many times...fuck...

"Sure... sure thank you Tilly..." I took the plate and ate a spoonful feeling the tears that was burning inside of my eyelids, fucking Buck.... F**k....

"I know its not my business but.... You aren't the first one he cheated on honey, I'm sorry..." She looked at me when I made a small sad smile eating more cake, yeah.... I bet he did that fucker...... changed man... I scoffed when I was still eating just having Tilly stare at me with pity in her eyes, well f*****g let her! I was sad and the word was out.... Buck had cheated on me with his ex-wife of all people, how fun that must be for anyone hearing it, God... I was still just a second-hand choice, wasn't I?

"You want to have a date with my husband's cousin? He is really handsome...." I looked up like she was crazy when she was grinning sing-songing it like she was having fun, taking this opportunity to smack Buck more in the face didn't bother her at all. "No... no... No, I don't think so Tilly, thanks anyway..." I had eten my cake when she shrugged her shoulders like she got it and she stood up, having been leaning on the desk next to me.

"Just... think about it alright, make Buck feel what you are feeling, he never gotten the taste of the other side Andrea and he really wouldn't suffer from seeing you having fun with some other guy, might even get into that stupid head of his from all those hits he took when he played football." She made a smirk when I did a real smile, yeah, he is kind of stupid wasn't he? I made a small chuckle when she beamed more, oh God the look on Bucks face when he saw me date another man and so soon, he would die from jealousy.... "You know what? Give me his number... and I will think about it..." she made a wink when she sent me over the guy's number and I watched her leave my office, she did care about me, or she just wanted Buck to suffer.... Well... what did I care anyway? Buck was the one that made me feel like I had gone back in time three years and crushed my heart, not her.

I stared at my phone again. Maybe I was going to do this, get... revenge or whatever.... I pressed the button sending a message to a man I had never seen or even knew what he looked like, here goes nothing.