Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 133

Deeps breaths Andrea.

Deep breaths.

I was staring at myself in the mirror.

The black dress that was draped over my body, making it look like I was one size less because of the spanks and the hard push up I was having on, making nobody miss my boobs even if they tried too.

My face was well done with heavy eyelids going in darker brown making my eyes even more blue than that ever was together with dark shade of lipstick I hadn't used since I left my old life. I cleaned, shaved and peeled every part of my body to perfection. I didn't know what I wanted to happened tonight, but I didn't take any chance, I wanted to look perfect. Feel perfect too.

My long hair was up because I wanted it to be, a more formal hairdo then just a ponytail when I was putting in the last pins and spraying it hard.

This was it.

A date.

A real date with a guy that wasn't Buck or Jonah.

He seemed nice enough and cute from the messages and stalking I been doing online, a civil engineer of everything that Tilly's husbands' cousin could have been, he was here on holiday staying with her family, lived upstate not far from where I... well he was from home... that's all...

"Mommy you look so pretty!" I started to laugh feeling Kira behind me, her big eyes being just as shocked as I was. I did look pretty. Just like I did when I met her dad.

"Thank you, baby, but not as pretty as you are... look at you my princess..."

Oh shit... I picked her up and hugged her, making her giggle when we were staring into the mirror and started to make faces until Kira was laughing so hard, she was about to fall down, or should I say wanted to get down hearing the bell go off and she screamed the name of the person standing behind it with all her might her little body could endure.

"Soph!" she was racing throughout the entire house when I looked at myself one last time, making sure my necklace was right and my earrings that was dangling, yes Kira was right I did look pretty tonight.

"Hey Sophia... thanks for doing this...." I said it really humble when she had Kira in her arms already and she was just staring at me, same as Kira had done before going into a big grin, just like Bucks making my heart hurt, she had a great smile, just like he did. "Oh... no its fine... really.... I heard what dad did and .... Yeah, I don't blame you... I mean look at you, so beautiful!" she said it when Kira was giggling, cheering her on and become jealous soon enough that the attention wasn't on her anymore, she demanded that, attention I mean from me and everyone else, the star in show. Always.

"Thank you, Sophia... really..." I said it sadder when she gave me a sad smile back before turning to Kira and making a face, I know she didn't like me and Buck being broken up, the only one of his kids that didn't jump from joy seeing what happened, Mitchell must be over the fucking moon by now knowing that his dad went right back to their mother.

"Yeah sure, just be back by eleven because dad is picking me up again..." she said it when I stopped, what!? Was she serious, was he picking her up again, but she always stayed the night when me and Buck was dating or did that fall away from the contract when I wasn't looking??

"I'm sorry Andrea, it's not my fault, its mom and she isn't letting me stay over anymore... really I don't care, you know I love Kira and..." she stopped her nervous rambling when I stopped her with putting my hand on her shoulder, giving her a small squeeze, I got it. "Okay, so I be back before eleven okay, so your daddy doesn't have to worry about you..." I made a warmer smile that she replied looking grateful almost like she had believed that I would bite her head off when she was doing me this huge favour and I wasn't even paying her to be honest.

"Sophia, you want to be paid? I mean I can pay you now that this is more of an official babysitting more than it was when me and Buck was... "I stopped, it still was hurting, I bet he was home and was with her. his wife and they lived happily ever after, just like Jonah did with homeland before divorcing her.

"No...No... its fine..." Sophia was stuttering when I did a smirk fetching my wallet, oh she was so getting paid for her time, if her mother and Buck wanted to make this and official favour then who was I to say no??

"Really Andrea, no its fine I mean Kira is like my baby sister, and I can't really take money for that..." she stopped when I was putting the bills in her hand and she stared at it like she never had seen that much money, what the hell?? Buck was cheap on her or what?? "Well, I do appreciate you Soph, I do and even if you think of Kira like a sister.... I want to pay you for your time of course, I mean its Friday and you could be doing something fun instead of having Kira as your company and watching my little pony for the thousand time..." I made another smile when she looked grateful and kind of guilty making me narrow my eyes, why did she look guilty all the sudden? She wasn't the kind of girl to do that, she just wasn't.

"So... heard anything more from Tom then?" I said it trying when I was half turned away putting my wallet back when I caught her eyes flaring up in panic from the mirror that was across the hallway, making me turn around staring at her, like I had caught her read handed, so she was talking to him then!

"Sophia!?" I said it accusing when she started to blush, I mean it. All over her face and body like she couldn't keep it a secret even if she wanted to, she was bursting to tell me and I already could see it, that she was in love and my heart dropped. She was in love with Tom that was a f*****g soldier, a bad man and she didn't know that.

"Alright, yes! Yes, I have talked to him.... oh.... But .... Andrea please we are just talking, nothing more and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met, way more mature than those idiots in my school!" she was saying it arguing when I was starting to panic, she was sixteen and he was what these days, twenty-three?! I assumed he was Jonah's age but in reality, I had no idea, he could be older for all I knew!

"He is too old for you, he is over twenty and you are sixteen, that is insane!?" her face changed the slightest from the sweet innocent kid to having something more menacing that I never ever thought I see in her eyes when she made a smirk at me.

"Is that so? What about you and his friend, your ex? Isn't he like way younger than you are?" she was still smirking when I felt my breath getting held back, my chest heavy and heart was stopping, he told her! he f*****g told Sophia that was sixteen that Jonah was the father of Kira!? I was going to fucking kill him when I saw him, I was!

"He told you!? about Jonah!?" I said it still shocked when she nodded and Kira was running up to us hearing me scream and I stared at her, begging her not to tell Kira, whatever she did, I didn't want Kira even if she was a small kid to hear from anyone but me who was her real father.

"Sophia, just.... Call your dad and ask him to come and pick you up... I don't feel like going out anymore and you can keep the money..." I was exhausted already trying to pick up Kira that was darting me and made an angry scowl that Sophia was leaving, and I got it, she had been talking all week about her, wanting her to come over and spend time with her.

"Andrea... please... I'm sorry but I think you need to call dad and tell him, everything.... I know he did wrong, but he hasn't been this bad in a long time, he is really depressed....and I know that its not your problem, but he is my dad, and he deserves to know why you are so.... You..." she said it making a fake smile to Kira that was standing behind her legs and I was staring at her in disbelief, I was being blackmailed by a fucking teenager, again!

"You know what Sophia!? you are way too young to tell that too me, and you have no idea what I been through before I got here! I just wanted to be happy and look what happened, your dad went straight back to your mother when things didn't work out!" I said it sneering feeling bad the second it was out, this was not a conversation I was supposed to have with her, it was with her dad, but I still got so fucking mad when I looked at his face that I wanted to kill him just as much as I wanted to kiss him, tell him that I f*****g loved him still!

"No, he isn't staying at home, he hasn't been inside since you guys broke up, not even once!" she really was pushing me and I had no idea, didn't she want her parents to be together again?? Her brothers did!?

"Look, lets just drop this before I say something I know I'm going to regret Soph! I am not the nicest woman, and I don't want to say stuff to you that I know is going to f*****g hurt!" my voice was fast and lower when Kira was back into the living room, getting bored of us talking and Sophia looked and me hurt, yeah that's what I did best. I hurt people that didn't deserve it, that was innocent.

"That's bullshit! you are one of the nicest women dad has ever dated, if even the most nicest and ... well... Andrea I really care for you and I'm not some stupid blockhead like the boys, they don't see it, that mom and dad doesn't like spending time together, not more than a few hours and all they ever talk about is us kids, not like when he is with you, he really lights up, and I want to see him happy just as much as you!" she wasn't looking like her normal self anymore, the one that couldn't even look me in the eyes from the beginning, no she was fierce. Holy f**k she reminded me of Buck so much right now, just saying what she wanted and not taking any shit.

I couldn't answer her. I was to stunned when I heard the bell that was going off again and Kira was going for it even when I was just about to shout at her to stay away to no use when my eyes where still locked with Sophia's, she was not kidding around and that made me feel so.... Scared....and happy.... She wouldn't lie to me, her of all people wouldn't.... fuck... f**k what the hell was I supposed to do with this information!? I had a date waiting at the door!

"Where is Buck!?" I said it desperately when she made a big smile hearing me be so desperate, and I was. So f*****g desperate!

"At the motel he is staying at, probably watching the game just waiting for me to call back..." she was smirking when I was going for the door and opened, seeing the nice man that was standing there and I didn't want him, I didn't.

"Oh.... Andrea, right? I'm..." I stopped him with my hand when he was holding flowers and I felt so bad, but then again, he was handsome and he had a good job, I bet this wasn't his only date this summer.

"I'm sorry Maxwell, but I can't go on a date with you, I still love someone else and... well... I need to go to him..." his smile dropped. I thought he would be hurt, I mean I would have been devastated if someone said that to me, but he didn't look anything like that, just picked up his phone and shrugged like this wasn't a big deal, me blowing him off.

"Oh, I don't care, I'm only doing this as a favour to Tilly and if I'm off the hook I'm going back to see my boyfriend..." he made a smirk when my face fell hearing him say that he was fucking gay!? Why the fuck would he want to date me if he was!? "That's not nice! taking me out on a fucking pity date, you bastard!" I was screaming it after him when he turned and threw me a kiss that gay bastard, wasting my f*****g time!

"Not nicer the dumping me at the door honey!" he was shouting it back laughing when Sophia was standing behind me in the doorway when I turned and slammed the door hard on the guy that was getting inside his car and driving off again. "Wow... Andrea.... You really sound different talking like that...." she made a giggle when I raised my eyebrows, I did?? I didn't notice talking any different at all to be honest.

"So.... Bitchy..." she made a cat sound when I started to smirk, yeah. Maybe... I guess I was one in the end, but I tried so hard not to fall into my old pattern of screaming and yelling all the time, it wasn't all good.

"Now... go!" she said it commanding when I made a smirk, look at her, fierce and telling me what to do, it was almost like she was taking after Kira these days.

"Oh, and don't be back by eleven!" she was laughing when I made a snort, oh she was really pushing it now, but I just made a small wink and left after saying goodbye to Kira that was already clinging onto Sophia, waving me off happy to get rid of me when she was there, and I knew it.

Going to see Buck, yeah... that wasn't going to be scary or even bad... or.... Fuck... I looked back at my house, took a deep breath and walked into my car.

I could do this.