Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 134

Sophia had sent me his room number and I was just staring at it. the door. It was quiet, just some drunks that was talking further away and I was pressing my forehead against the steering wheel. I wanted so much to just go inside and tell him that I forgave him and that we should just start over. That's all. Just start from scratch and.... he still wouldn't know about Jonah, about what happened.... F**k.... I was banging my head the softest when the door open, and I saw him. Buck.

He looked downed and depressed just like Sophia had told me making me feel worse, he didn't have the same spark in his eyes and confidence in his steps when he was going out for his truck that was parked just two cars from mine when he looked up from his boots and our eyes met.

I didn't move, not a second when he was blinking like he couldn't believe it was me, that I was here, sitting outside his motel and just staring at him, not sure if I had the courage to go and knock on his door, must be f*****g faith that he was going out right now. "Andrea?!" he said it still not believing it when I nodded and stepped outside the car, just standing there with the door that was between us, like a shield I needed not to just run to him, tell that I forgave him when I wasn't sure I did.

"I thought you had a date??" he sounded more surprised than anything when I made a small smile and just shrugged, so did I.

"Yeah, he wasn't my kind of guy it seemed...." My voice fading out when he looked at me really uncomfortable like he couldn't believe this was happening to him and I was biting my bottom lip worried, why didn't I like the way his eyes looked like it was really over between us?

"Alright.... listen... you told me to back off and I have, right? So, when I heard you had a date with Zane's cousin... I just thought that you moved on and just didn't have the guts to tell me.... shit.... Andy... I have a date waiting on me...." I jerked back from hearing that when he looked even worse, he had a f*****g date, so soon! What the hell was that about!?

"Buck, I said I would fucking call you and now are you what... going on some date with some cheap countryside whore because you didn't get f*****g laid the last four weeks!?" I was furious and he made a sigh pushing his hand throughout the neatly combed hair, so he did have a date than!? he didn't do that unless he was seeing someone and he was dressed in a blue shirt, nothing underneath so you could see his chest hair from the unbutton part and those jeans that made his ass look great, okay even more than great, it was amazing!

"You know what, yeah! That is exactly what I am going to do! I am going on this date so that I can get fucking laid, because that's the only thing a guy like me ever wanted, right baby?!" he said it angry and mockingly when I took a deep offended breath, no he f*****g wasn't, not when I was around!

"Don't you say that to me! you where the one that cheated Buck, you don't get to play that sympathy card on me, no way!" I was screaming it back not caring about the drunks that was cackling hearing us, it felt great to scream and man I had missed it so much, Buck had no idea what he had before him, I wasn't the quiet housewife or controlled country girlfriend right now, no! I was Andrea Wilson the fucking bitch that was going to make his life miserable if he continued to act like this, like he was the victim here for me telling him to back off!

"I know! I know I did! Why are you even here then!?? to tell me I fucking cheated?? I did Andrea, I did and I admitted it right away, I never did that to Sarah or anyone else, because I thought that you of all people would get what its like to have a slip-up and that I don't love her, I don't f*****g love her, just you!" his voice working its way over the area and I was gritting my teeth when he was growling at the end, he was pissed and I knew that, why did he have to act like such an a*s all the time!

"If you love me then why are you going on a fucking date when you told Sophia that you just were going to watch the game!? You fucking tell me that Buck!?" I slammed the car door hard and stepped forward to him, he was tense, upset and ready to start screaming at me. good!

I was breathing heavy from the hard adrenaline rushing over my body and right now it felt more like a blessing than anything else. he really was a f*****g a*****e, wasn't he? Look at him, look at him Andrea, he was a f*****g player, not any better than Jonah. I had the worst taste in men and still I couldn't leave him when we where just staring angry at each other.

"Because she is my kid and I don't tell her everything, alright!? you don't tell Kira all the shit you do either! There is no fucking difference, I don't want her to know that I am on a date when all she wants is for us to get back together and I can't fix that!" he made a huff when I did an angry huff too, well that made sense. Fuck.

"Look who is talking anyway.... Getting all dolled up, looking like a goddam expensive hooker for some guy you don't even know, for what? Make me jealous, is that it Andy??" he was looking up and down my outfit, my hair and my makeup and stopped at my boobs when I made an offended inhale, a hooker he said, fuck him! I looked fucking classy next to him or any girl he ever could get his hands on!

"I look fucking good, and you know it! You are just so bitter that I never dressed like this for you! admit it!" I was pointing my finger out when he made a small smile that turned into a laughter and it was making me feel even worse when it was mocking me, it was. He was fucking mocking me for having this on when I knew that he wanted to fuck me so bad like this, he did! All men did!

"No... I guess you never did.... Well have fun looking like that... wherever he is taking you, it isn't going to be around here anyway because you will be looking like a damn hooker to any guy that is in the room... but hey, don't take my word for it..." he made a wink and started to walk towards his truck again making my blood start to boil, why the fuck was he acting like this! Just like a damn pig, calling me a whore!? Wasn't he even sorry anymore or what!?

"Where the fuck do you think you are going, we are not done yet!?" I was stepping after him to his truck, my high heels clattering against the hard ground that was going faster every step to the point where I was almost running after him when he had reached his truck and I grabbed his arm not even thinking about it, he wasn't going anywhere, not if I could help it!

"Well... I don't know about you Andrea, but I have a date..." he turned around and gave me a slyer smile making my anger disappear instantly and just let my hand go from his arm... oh... so he was really going than, on a date I mean....fuck...that was making me hurt... so much when he still was smiling and I started to back up, taking one shaky step at the time, wanting to leave, just flee the scene of being humiliated, rejected and all that came with it. F**k! I did look like a hooker, didn't I?!

"Andy, where are you going?" Buck was looking at me when I was still backing away trying not to make eye contact, showing just how humiliating this was, me running after him, not having any control and he still rejected me like I really was just an expensive hooker that he couldn't get rid of fast enough.

"I... I... Buck..." my voice was breaking when he was looking at me like that, with all the warmth in the world that was in his eyes, fuck. I really hated that he had cheated on me, I did.... But I loved him so much... so fucking much and it was so hard hearing him say that he was going on another date when I knew just as well that I was the one that started this, taking up that f*****g offer from Tilly's husbands gaybait cousin, f*****g hell!

"Yeah?" he just said that when I felt the first tear that was rolling down and I knew I was going to look like a raccoon if I started to cry, but I didn't fucking care, I didn't have anyone to look good for anymore. the only guy that made my heart jumpstart was standing there and telling me that he was done and it was all my fault.

"I don't want you to go on that date... I don't..." I was sniffling when he made a sigh and leaned against the car door and just made me feel worse, so there it was. I fucking said it. I wanted him back, this was so humiliating for me to doo and still he was looking like he didn't have single care in the world, in fact he looked happier than ever that bastard.

"I do, I do want to go on that date Andrea...." He was coming off the truck and walked up to me when I was still crying, holding my face down and just was sobbing my eyes out, I was so dumb and pathetic, I loved him and I never wanted to listen to him, never. I just told him to fuck off, like I was so fucking perfect when I knew I wasn't. I really wasn't.

"Okay... okay..." I looked up at him, drying my eyes making an even bigger mess, trying to make a fake smile that didn't fool anyone when he made a smaller one and caressed my face making me shiver from his touch now when he was just looking down at me with all the love in the world in his grey eyes.

"I want to go on that date, with you." he said it more amused when I blinked a couple of times, he did what?? But he said.... Oh...... my mouth literally being in an O-shape when he did a grin like I finally had gotten it, he wanted to go on a date, with me. not some country whore.

"You think I would say no to you? ever?" he made another chuckle that was making my chest feel warmer, my heart beating faster and my knees feel like jelly, oh god... Buck...

"I would never say no to you Buck.... Never..." I know it sounded so stupid, I mean I had told him no, like more than once and all that, but I didn't care if he didn't, we could start fresh again, we could.

"So... that means I can kiss you?" he said it grinning when I nodded already dumbstruck, I loved him and I wanted to kiss him, drown in his smell and live the rest of my life with him, no matter what had happened, he still was the guy that made me feel like I could breathe again when he was around.

"Yes Buck, kiss me..." I said it smirking when he finally leaned over and I felt those magic lips against mine, the ones that made all your worries go away, close your eyes and lean back, let him take over and just enjoy the ride getting lost in the haze. "You have no idea how long I have waited for this... for you to...." He stopped having our foreheads leaning against each other, making another grin out of breath, same as me.

"You know what, screw it! Andrea baby, lets just get married, what do you say??" he looked into my eyes when I parted my mouth in shock, what? He wanted to marry me?? I had just forgiven him, and he was talking about what, getting married right away, like next week or what?

"Buck... I don't know what you mean?" I said it truthfully, but I didn't say no... I was so confused, we were getting married last month to us having this break-up and back together again, it was a roller-coaster to say the least!

"I mean, lets go now! I don't give a shit about ceremonies and all that other stuff, I did that with Sarah and look where it got me?? a shitty marriage that didn't last, I just want you baby, that's all, that's all I ever wanted since I saw you!" he was talking more passionate about us than I think I ever heard him do when I was biting my lips, he meant that we were just eloping, doing this and show this town that they were wrong about us, that we did love each other, no matter what? "Shit... Buck... oh god... that's crazy!?" I said it more shocked than anything starting to giggle, he was right about that part at least, I did have a big wedding and I didn't help me and Ryan, not one bit and I just wanted him, I did.

He was starting to sway the slightest before I put my arms around his neck and our bodies where tight together here on a fucking parking lot to a motel, I loved him.

"Okay Buck. let's do it then... lets go and get married... I love you..." I made a real smile when he started to grin again, lifting me up, twirling me around when we kissed some more before he put me inside his truck and I took his hand as soon as he was out from that parking lot, I loved him and this was crazy, but so was I. f*****g crazy for him!

"I love you Andrea...." He kissed my hand, and I made a big warm sigh, I know he did.

"Let's just drive Buck, we still need to get back to Sophia and Kira...." He made a chuckle hearing that and kissed my hand again, that fool, and he was all mine and I never wanted to be without him ever again.

"Oh, I'm driving, I would go to the end of the earth for you baby..." he made a real smile when I kissed his cheek fast and looked ahead in the dark, my new life with Buck was waiting for me... fuck I was so lucky to have him, he was the best.