Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 148

Me, Sophia and Jared was still sitting there like damn losers when Buck walked back inside and he was having Mitch behind him looking like he really, really didn't want to be here anymore and I didn't blame him when I was rolling my now empty wineglass on its foot, dropping it from seeing the sudden two men coming inside followed by Sarah and she had been crying, she had and I didn't want to be here anymore either to be honest. F**k this was even worse than being at my parent's home, at least they showed me that "Sophia, Jared. Leave and don't come back until I say so." Buck didn't even need to say it twice when I looked at them scatter away, like they still were small kids and not grown-ups, Buck really was demanding when he wanted to be.

they didn't want me, not like Sarah, she was really trying, and it was f*****g killing me.

"Buck...." I said it worried when he snapped his eyes back to me and I didn't know what to feel, I had no idea what the f**k had happened when the three of them was gone, I felt even more like and outsider than anything right now seeing Buck, Sarah and Mitch that was standing together, leaving me alone and exposed in a house that wasn't even mine.

"Mitch, tell her." Buck said it forceful when his son made a face and Sarah wasn't liking this either, she wasn't or still she was just standing there when Mitch looked at me, now standing up too since I didn't want to sit down when nobody else was doing that. "I'm sorry for not calling Kira my sister. She is." He didn't mean a word of it. I just stared back unsure what to even say to that? clearly it was Buck forcing him and he was still hating me, maybe even more now that Buck had done God knows what because he was acting out in every way he could against me and Kira.

"No, she is not...." I said it sadder, making Buck drop the hard scowl and Mitch raise his eyebrows at me like he didn't believe what he just heard, me telling him that Kira wasn't his sister, If he didn't want her to be that, I wasn't going to force him, never. "Andrea, you are married to me and..." Buck was taking one step towards me when I made him stop and Sarah was looking at me thankfully of all the things in the world that she could do right now making me even more confused and sad, I didn't know shit about Buck or his family, did I?

"Yes, I am.... I married you Buck because you where the sweetest, best man I have ever met, you made me fall in love with you because of that you were so patient and kind, especially with Kira, and I don't see that man right now...." I was feeling sick... I was... he made a sad face, I know that he was better than this but being here... well that seemed to bring back who he used to be, this angry guy that didn't see that he was hurting his own son because of me.

"I don't know what to say... Shit.... Andrea, what are you really telling me here?" I was shaking my head, I didn't know either and I didn't want to lose him, but I wasn't Sarah and I couldn't just stand here and take it, whatever he was angry over, I didn't want that to spill over to Kira when she was older and I didn't want him to treat Mitch like this.

"I guess I'm saying that I don't want you to keep on trying to force us together, your kids don't like me Buck, and that's okay... I just.... I know what it's like..... being left out and it sucks, you know?" I didn't want to make this about me but I sure as hell wasn't going to keep on having Buck act like this, the fucking king of the castle that he wasn't living in anymore, he was my husband and he needed to act like that, and he was always being such great dad and he needed to show mitch some damn love too.

"Thank you, Sarah... for having me and Kira and... yeah thank you..." I said it just walking away, leaving Buck to deal with whatever aftermath that was from that. I didn't want to deal with more shit right now when I walked into the spare bedroom, finding Jonah on the bed with Kira that was asleep making me do a real smile. Well, at least they seemed to had fun seeing that wrappers that was around and Jonah had his jacket over her looking up when my heart was starting to beat really hard meeting his warm eyes, he looked so damn handsome but it wasn't that what was making me feel my chest getting warmer, no it was they way he was holding her, like he never wanted to let go and had real love in his eyes when he looked up at me, proudness that I hadn't seen for so long, he really loved her.

"Hey... is she asleep?" I walked further in, sitting down carefully on the bed and staring at her, Kira, she was safe and that was all that mattered to me, f**k everything else, f**k it.

"Yeah.... She is great Andrea.... Fuck I'm so pissed that I been away... look at her, I'm going to buy her a pony for the record..." Jonah did a small chuckle that made me snort and look at him, I believed him, and Kira would love that, until she found something else she loved more.

"I want to be in her life, I'm serious... I don't just want to be this guy that is her mommy's friend .... Andrea, please...." I made a gulp when he looked like that, he was really serious and he was asking me, that was a new one... he never asked anything, he just did shit and then told me later.... Oh god... he wanted to tell her and that was going to be so hard, for me... fuck that was going to be one of the hardest thing I had ever done, and I had to tell Buck... if he didn't want to get a divorce after that than I didn't know what did. "That is a big fucking step Jonah... you just came here from f*****g nowhere and you have watched her once with candy and a tablet, she isn't just like this... its not all cuddles and hugs..." I said it tired; I mean I wasn't going to lie to his face, he had no idea what it was to do this full time, he didn't and that was all his fault.

He looked down on her again, she was snuggled up against his chest and I knew how he was feeling, like he wanted to do nothing but keep her safe from all harm seeing that small face that was so cute and made small snoozes that was making my heart clench of love no matter who many times I heard it.

"Yeah, I get that...but I want to try, okay? I just want the chance, Andrea; I'm not saying that it has to be right now... I mean I'm still hunting down that fucker and.... yeah... you know the rest, but after that.... I can even deal with Ma, let her f*****g disown me, I don't care anymore. I am not spending another day away from you and Kira..." he stopped and looked up at me again, stroking Kira's head slowly when she made a sigh like she was enjoying that and that made me feel so confused. He wanted what??

"Are you seriously telling me that now, like from this fucking moment, it doesn't matter?? All that shit you were telling me about before I left, that it doesn't matter!? your mother are not going to kill me and Kira anymore and all those fucking enemies you had, they are going to just be gone!?" I was trying so hard not to blow up, he had to be fucking kidding me!? I was so going to kill him when I had the chance, so everything was all f*****g lies so that he didn't have to man the f**k up and be a dad like he wanted to be right f*****g now!?

"No, no! that is all still true! what the f**k do you think I have been doing all this time!? Not sitting on my damn a*s drinking beer Andrea! No I been out there, taking care of shit and making sure that I could get you back home, I want you and Kira back don't you get that by now!?" he was hissing it back making me start to cry, I didn't even care, he had no right saying that shit to me, no fucking right after everything I went through and it was because of him and nobody else!

"I'm married to Buck...and.... I don't know if I even want to come back...Jonah.... Please..." I was still crying, having my hands over my face when he took them away from me, still having Kira on his chest when my heart was banging hard on mine, seeing him like that, he was so stubborn and determined, always was and he wanted me back and he wasn't stopping until he did and I knew that.

"I don't care, I don't. I told you that I was coming for you and that I didn't care if you were married, you are my soulmate, Andrea! Fuck, spending almost three years with Shailene has fucking proved that more than anything!" he was holding my wrists when I was shaking, my whole body was when I didn't want to look at him anymore, he was here and he was still as dangerous and thick-headed as before, there was no way for us and he had to accept that.

"I care.... I care Jonah......" I was trying to pull back when he pushed me closer, Kira was underneath us when he pulled me to him and kissed me firmly, making me stay feeling the sweet mint that made my heart beat harder and all the fucking emotions that was rushing my body freeze up feeling Jonah's lips against mine, the warm breath when I felt myself kissing him back not even aware that I was doing before pulling back fast breathing heavier and just staring at him scared, f**k! F**k!

"Andrea... don't look at me like that... I know you still love me. look at me, I'm still the one that is your other half! fuck the shit we been through, Buck already had that girl and its not you!" Jonah was staring me dead in the eyes when I was sitting still on the bed, paralysed over what had happened, oh god... oh god.... No.... he couldn't say that to me... it was too f*****g much for me to handle right now!

"Of course I still fucking love you! I always will do that, but you broke me! don't you get that by now, you did this! I was willing to do anything for you and you used me, you did and don't you fucking deny it! You think one kiss is going to make me fall right back!?" I was pulling back, getting up slowly, I didn't know what to do when he was looking really guilty, good! For once in his fucking life let him listen to me! that he did this, it was all his fucking fault, and I wasn't going to hide it!

"Andrea... wait... just fucking wait...." He was sliding of Kira when I was still wiping my eyes, wait for what?? He was putting Kira down carefully and kissing her head, mumbling shit I didn't understand when he still had his jacket over her small body, it was fucking beautiful and it was killing me! all of him was, same as before!

"Take it easy.... Just take it easy... I'm not going to hurt you... you know that baby... you know that right?" he was walking slowly towards me when I made a sneer, yeah sure! He always said that, and he still did it, I wasn't going to give into that bullshit this time, I was f*****g smarter than that!

"I know you hurt me, that's all you ever do!" Jonah made a frown over his handsome face, he didn't like to listen to the truth, but I didn't care, he was old enough, that stupid idiot boy he was that always did what he wanted, and then I had to suffer for it! "You and everyone around you has always been hurting me! Chris almost breaking my fucking hip, raping me, your mother hating me, threatening to kill me and Kira! I haven't done anything to her, never ever Jonah more than being older and in-love with you!" my voice breaking in the end when I felt my back was up against the wall and I was trapped when he had stopped right in front of me but I didn't move, didn't even try to escape, because this was my reality, no matter what, he was going to get me, no matter where I was running.

"Fuck.... I can't tell you how many times I regret that.... just leaving you... letting Evans get you... fuck.... I hated that Andrea, and I wished that I could have just killed him, the first time he ever laid a hand on your beautiful body.... I didn't know... I didn't know and I would have killed him, I should have just killed him when you were the best thing in my life." He was making a sad smile that made me do a sobbing sound that I didn't know was good or bad, both because he did love me, he did, and I knew that, him and me... we were fucking complicated.

"I loved you so much and I didn't even want to fucking admit it, I was ashamed... okay? that's the truth baby, I was fucking ashamed over being in love, and not just with any other bitch... nope the boing older hot woman that dressed like a fucking old lady...." He stopped when I was still feeling my tears on my face kept falling, our eyes locked together, my head tilted up feeling the wall back against my head and Jonah's eyes staring down on me, keeping me prisoner with all that love that was making me want to scream and kiss him at the same time.

"I want to spend every waking moment making up for that... and I know I'm not perfect and that you fucking hate me... I fucking hate me too Andrea, I hate every fucking breath I have to take with you not in the same room, not being in my arms when I wake up..." he stopped not sure what to say anymore when I took a hold of his collar, pushing him down against me and kissing him slowly, feeling the familiar sensation of having him close to me when my mouth was opened and my body being pushed back with Jonah's tongue inside my mouth and d**k against my stomach, f**k I wanted him!

"Do it... fuck me..." my words pushing out desperately between the moans I was trying to keep down when his hands was on my a*s, oh god I loved that, his hands were nothing like Bucks, they were smooth and working themselves over me making me do a small hiss when he smacked my bare skin, already pulling down the pantyhose and destroying them in the process but I didn't care, I didn't f*****g care about anything when we still were kissing with my hands on his belt, getting the zipper down and biting into his bottom lip when the same fingers finally found my pussy making me do a small snicker, oh god I had missed that too... fucking foreplay and we were just doing this against the wall, a fast fuck and nothing more.

"what's so funny?" Jonah was whispering it my ear, breathing heavier when he was smirking too not even knowing what I was snickering over when I was shaking my head, no... no I wasn't telling him, I wasn't.

"Nothing...nothing baby... just keep going..." I didn't care that I was going to let him fuck me when I felt the first part of that longer finger on my clit, circulating it making me bite his lip again harder to the point where he stopped and looked at me pissed when I made a smirk, he could f*****g take it and I didn't want him to stop touching me.

"Tell me... right now what so fucking funny or I'm stopping..." He made a smirk back to my surprised flushed face, no he wouldn't, wouldn't he? He wanted to fuck me just as much as me, maybe even more and still he was doing this to me that bastard with my dress pulled up and panties down, having his hand in between my legs and still making me f*****g do what he wanted, f**k!

"I... I can't tell you... I can't fucking tell you..." I said it holding my arms around his nape now, he was so much taller than me, than Buck when I made another hiss feeling his finger moving around my clit slower, fucking torturing me that arrogant bastard. "Tell me Andrea.... I'm not scared of staying right fucking here until someone finds us, this house doesn't have that many rooms and there is a big chance somebody is looking for you right now... what will Buck say?" he made another grunt in my ear when I hated that I didn't care, I loved Buck but right now, having Jonah against me I didn't care, I just pushed that all back, letting my horniness decided that I wanted Jonah and I wanted his dick even more.

"Maybe I don't care anymore?" I said it breathing harder when he did a pained face feeling my hand leaving his dick, yeah, I could play that game, same as him.

"Fine... fucking fine... but you are telling me one way or another, you think this is the last time this is going to happen, do you? Mrs Underwood??" he said that last part when I did a shocked inhale of air feeling his full dick pushing inside of me, holy fuck I had forgotten how that felt like.

"Just shut the fuck up and fuck me Jonas..." I said it smirking when he pushed me harder up, having his hands still holding me, shit he wasn't half as strong as Buck, but he was lean and young. I loved that about him when we were kissing, trying not to make any more sounds than the belt from Jonah's pants jingling when he pushed himself inside me making me roll my eyes in the back of my head every time he did when I was drunk on him, his lips, his body and smell that was making me feel f*****g high when I felt the throbbing was taking over me, I couldn't even f*****g scream when I was breathing so heavy after holding my breath, hearing Jonah's soft grunts in my ear when he followed, making him freeze up when he was cumming and I was still kissing him, taking every second of those low moans that belonged to me and only me!

"oh fuck, fuck!" he was cursing into my mouth when I still was kissing him, never leaving his lips for one second making my body have goosebumps all over, just pure ecstasy over what had happened when I pulled back and we both were staring like we realised that this had happened, but fuck me I still didn't care, I know that I was supposed to hate myself, push him off me now that I was off my high but I didn't, I didn't push him away and curse his name for fucking me here in Bucks ex-wife's home, I f*****g loved him. "I love you." I said it honest making him do a big smile that turned into a reassured laughter that was soft when I looked over his shoulder, seeing Kira was still asleep... oh God... God I was so stupid... we should have changed room. Thank fucking god she didn't wake up and got scarred for life more than she already was.

"Jonah.... Fuck..... We shouldn't have done this...not with Kira in the same room..." I was looking back at him, swollen lips and messed up hair when he was annoyed before dropping it hearing Kira's name, yeah, he got it.

"Fuck... fuck...okay... but you love me right, we are fucking back together again or what?" he was letting me down when he pulled out and I made a sigh, I didn't know... I mean I don't regret him and me doing this, fucking but I didn't know about just getting back together, I still was married to Buck, and James was still out there, I knew he was and... well f**k I didn't know.

"Yeah... yeah, I do love you... I just, I don't know, okay? I'm not going to fucking lie here Jonah, I'm still married to Buck and I love him too..." my voice fading out when I was just waiting on it, the darkness that was going to roll over his face and eyes hearing me talk about loving Buck when he was pushing his shirt back down his pants and closing the belt again doing a small chuckle to my surprise, wow that was not what I had thought he would do.

"Yeah, I know... I don't care... like I said... I'm not going anywhere Andrea and you and me... you know you are mine, no matter who you fucking married or fucked, it still my kid you had and the next one too.." he made a smirk when he got down, pulling up my panties making me gasp feeling his fingers follow my skin all the way up my legs and to my pussy that still was swollen and sticky from the c*m that he had released in me. oh.

"Jonah... no...no..." I was saying it confused when he leaned over and kissed me again, this time it was slow and sweet, making me forget what I was thinking of when he pulled back to my small whimper, I didn't want him to leave me, not again.

"Yes..... I love you Andrea, don't even pretend you don't want this, you and me together having another baby getting married, I want everything with you and beside... I'm catholic..." he made a snicker when I did a smile too, he was so stupid, he was. "Yeah, sure you are.... You just don't like having a f*****g condom..." he did a small shrug to that when we kissed again, f**k I was the worst I was, but I loved him, and nothing would change that... I just needed time... time to sort out shit and... tell Buck... I had to tell him what happened, he told me about Sarah, so I owed him that... fuck that was going to be a shitshow.

"Jonah... just don't say anything... not to Tom or anyone... okay? I want to tell Buck and then we'll see, I'm not promising shit here..." I was having my arms crossed, my dress still up when he was fixing his hair kissing me again when he did a beaming smile making my heart pound harder again, f**k look at him, so handsome and charming, so f*****g easy to love.

"fine, I wont tell anyone... tell Kira I love her and that I will see her soon, okay baby?" he was talking like I had accepted just taking him back, forgetting all the shit when I hadn't, I really hadn't but I just smiled back when he took a deep breath opening the door, giving me one last happy look before he walked out, leaving me here in the darkness with Kira sleeping on the bed, still draped in Jonah's jacket, oh f**k this was going to hurt wasn't it, no matter what happened, my heart was going to f*****g break and Kira's too, I hated that.

I walked over, just pulling down my dress and laid down beside her staring at her pretty face, Jonah was full invested in taking us back and I had given him the golden opportunity to do it like the sucker I was, shit...