Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 149

"Kira... please stop that..." I was sore everywhere and still lying the same dress when I had fallen asleep next to her in the spare bedroom where Jonah had been f*****g me last night. Oh f**k. I sat up, holding my head with one hand and trying to get Kira not to crawl all over me when my head was hurting the slightest, like the weakest point of a headache and it was still killing me.

"But its morning mommy!" she was jumping in the bed beside me making me even more sick, oh f**k I was still here, I was still f*****g here in Sarah's house and things where still f****d up, I needed to get the hell out of here before anyone was awake except me and Kira.

"Kira, no!" I was hissing it after her when she was already out and my stomach turned when I heard her talking to Sarah, f**k! What the hell was she even up now for, it wasn't even seven and she was up and about?!

"Are you up Andrea?" she was calling me when I did a groin back, no dear f*****g god I was going to strangle Kira for going straight to Sarah, the one f*****g person I didn't want to see slightly hungover and dead, confused and wanted to just get home and f*****g shower.

"Yeah! Yeah... I'm up...." I didn't say more when she walked over to the opening, having Kira along that was playing with two dolls, making kissing sounds when I didn't want to look at Sarah, I hated her for f*****g Buck, and it turns out I was no f*****g better... "alright, I got a call about a cow that needed me and I just got back, you all are good here, Kira told me she was hungry..." she stopped when her eyes was staring two seconds to long over by the wall when I was having my head propped up on my hands and

followed her gaze seeing the shredded pantyhose onto the floor, making my heart drop into my stomach, oh please god no, don't tell me she could f*****g tell, she wasn't that f*****g smart was she!?

"Anyway.... Buck is sleeping out in the garage..." she made a small face when she said that making me feel even worse, so she knew then? Knew that Buck hadn't been here and that I had been fucking someone else?

"Okay... good... I just need a minute... alright, Sarah could you please give Kira breakfast?" I was begging her when she just made a small nod giving me a sad face, like she wasn't gloating, not like I would have done. I would have been all over her ass over that she messed up, but she didn't, fuck she was so much of a better person than me.

"Kira, you want to go see some cows later after breakfast, they are super cute..." I fell back onto the bed, I was officially the worst mother ever, not even feeding my own child and letting Sarah take over not even thanking her. the worst.

I was dragging my ass out from the bed, picking up the pantyhose from the floor trying not to hurl when I walked out into the hallway, finding a bathroom and going inside when I just dropped to the floor, throwing up the wine in one go and made a face of disgust, f**k drinking, f**k it! I was always hungover, even if it was one glass or a whole bottle, it sucked.

"You want some clothes, Andrea?" I made another groin hearing Sarah through the door, what clothes? Her f*****g clothes?? How the f**k would they fit me??

"Yeah... yeah sure..." I said it back weak when she walked away getting that I didn't want to talk, to her or... well just to her.... shit I needed to get the fuck out of here, hide and never come back, that's what I wanted to do anyway still leaning my head on the toilet when another loud knock was heard, splitting my head in two pieces when Sarah opened the door, that I hadn't locked I realise and just gave me a pile that had towels in them, oh she was so f*****g nice wasn't she? I f*****g hated her even more for every second when I didn't even deserve to do that, not after last night....

"Thanks, Sarah... really... thanks..." I said it trying to make a smile when she lighted up from nowhere, like she thought that this made us friends, it fucking didn't, she still fucked my husband!

"Oh, it's no problem.... Not at all...." She stopped when I was getting up, having the towel in my hand and she was still standing there like she wanted to say something, but didn't and walked out again, leaving me with her clothes and I looked at myself in the mirror, wow. I did look like shit.

Taking the dress off feeling even worse seeing the marks on my neck. Oh my god!!! That's why she looked at me like I was a fucking alien, Buck didn't leave marks, no! he was a hell of a kisser, but he was soft and gentle, not like Jonah that was all teeth and aggressive and I loved every second of it...... oh god... I was still making small complaining noises seeing the bruising on my neck, hickies and there was no way around it, f*****g Jonah! I couldn't hide this shit even if I wanted too!

"I'm going to fucking kill you Jonah..." I was muttering it, taking off my panties and feeling even worse, he told me he wanted to have more kids and get married, like from out of the fucking blue that was possible, but what the f**k did I know?! maybe he had been doing shit, he had killed five people before I left, that was f*****g insane for someone his age!

I was inside the water when I heard the door opened and I made a scream, who the f**k just walked inside a running shower inside this house?? if it wasn't Buck, heads would fucking roll!

"Relax... it's just me... I saw you walk inside, Kira is off with Sarah looking at cows... and I want to see my girl when she's all wet..." I made a gulp hearing Jonah's voice, why the f**k was he still here for? Why was I still here for??

"Jonah... please I need to think and you standing there is not fucking helping...." I looked over him, he was all sweaty and had shorts on, the t-shirt was clinging onto his torso when he made a smirk seeing me gawk at him, well could he fucking blame me?? he was still hot as hell and made me nervous looking at me like he wanted to eat me alive.

"Oh, well then.... Mrs Underwood, I can leave if you like...but I need a shower and ..." he was taking off his shirt making me do a small moan that I was so bad at hiding, omg it was so long ago I had seen his naked body, his powerful shoulders and toned arms together with the sixpack... fucking yummy.

"... I been running and...I want to help conserve water...." He made his voice darker when I felt my core make a hard throb from hearing his baritone, oh god, oh f*****g god why was he so f*****g hot and made me want him the second we got together again!? "Yeah.... Yeah... water...." I was stammering it when he pulled down his shorts, making his dick spring out when I made a gasp, oh fucking God look at his d**k, just as f*****g beautiful as I remembered it, all hard and aching for me.

He had already pushed himself inside the shower, making me back up having the water fall down on his toned body when I followed the stream down with my hand all the way to his big d**k, all clean shaved and making me bite my lips, shit! "Turn around." He was staring at me when I released the air I was holding and did it, don't ask me why I just followed what he wanted, I shouldn't. no. I should scream at him to get out, scream at Buck to come and kill him but I didn't. I just turned around making a loud moan when his hands reached around taking a firm grip on my tits, having my nipples in-between his fingers, squeezing them lightly.

"I have fucking dreamed about these tits ... all big and mine..." he was breathing down my ear making me gasp again, I was already f*****g wet and it was embarrassing how little it took for him to get me going, just throw logic out the window and follow his every wish because I knew that he would make me cum and I wanted to fucking do that.

"Oh god... oh god Jonah..." I was hissing it when he was pulling on my buds that was hard and the water that was falling down over us, muffling my heavy breathing that was all that was heard when I felt Jonah's dick against my back, making me want him even more when he was still pulling my nipples, teasing me merciless!

"Jonah? Oh no.... no, I'm not him... I don't know who you are talking about Mrs Underwood...." He made a smirk when I felt him tug harder to my yelps, oh fucking god he was making me wet talking like that, why the f**k could he make everything so f*****g sexy when he said it??

"Jonas......I want you.... please... I want you to make me cum...." I was pushing my ass back against him when he made a chuckle, loving that I was playing along and I hated that I loved it too, what the f**k was wrong with me? pretending to not know him and letting him f**k me like that!

"Is that what you want... Andrea..." he was saying it even darker taking a hold of my arm when I did a surprised cry feeling myself being pushed against the tiled wall, my face on the side, just getting glimpse of his smirking face that was loving this, every fucking second of it that horny bastard!

"Yes.... I want you to make me cum... make me fucking cum Jonas..." I was saying it hissing when he still had my arm behind my back and turning it slowly, not to hard just so that I could feel it making another sharp breath when I felt his hand that was on my thighs, pushing them apart and using the tips of his fingers gliding over my partings making me bite down in my lips from how fucking good it felt to have him just touch me, he was the worst and the f*****g best teasing me like this!

"Doesn't your husband do that for you?" he had his hand still over my pussy making me move against it, I wanted him to f*****g do something and he was still just being this d**k bringing up Buck like I didn't know that I was a f*****g whore for doing this, I was and I didn't care, not when he was here and could make me f*****g c*m hard!

"He hasn't fucked me since I was attacked... okay Jonas... he wants to wait, seeing that I was hurt and ...." I stopped, no I wasn't going to tell him, that was none of his f*****g business anyway!

"And what? Fucking what Andrea?" Jonah had dropped the playful tone, the roleplay was over when he was turning me around and I looked away feeling the hard stare when he wanted to know and I didn't want to tell him, what difference did it make anyway?? me having a miscarriage and Buck wanting to try for another baby, it was like I said, none of his fucking business!

"Don't ask and fuck me." I said it back hard raising my eyes up to him not giving a fucking second of what I was feeling, if I had learned anything from what happened, was that I could drain myself from my emotions and just be cold, like now.

"Don't ask? Really? Fucking really??" he was mocking me back when I made a snarl gritting my teeth, so was he going to f**k me or what?? otherwise I could find Buck and do him, he sure as hell wasn't going to complain me f*****g him with questions of why and shit, nope he would be f*****g happy over it!

"Yeah really... I told you, just fucking yesterday, I am still married to Buck, and I don't know what the f**k this is!" I was hissing it when he was standing there, full naked and d**k getting softer to my anger, why the f**k was he even here if he wasn't going to f**k me!? I loved him but he wasn't my boyfriend or anything right now, just someone that I loved making me c*m and f**k me, didn't he get that!?

"I told you that I am not here to fucking play either! I am only giving you this time because I need to find fucking James that you were so hooked on, look where that fucking got you, almost killed twice!" he was sneering back a little to loud for my taste when I made a scoff, fuck him! fuck him for saying that, James loved me and he wasn't afraid to show it, so what if he was a f*****g psychopath?!

"At least he didn't give up on me, on us." I was staring back in defiance, seeing the hard anger in Jonah's eyes died down the second I was giving him that answer, he knew what I fucking felt, about him just cutting me off, leaving me and Kira, I still was so angry about that part, always would be.

"Yeah, look where that fucking got you, he tried to fucking burn you alive, you and KIRA!" Jonah was screaming it now not giving a shit that we were naked in a shower together, something we really shouldn't fucking be, but I didn't care either when the rage in my stomach was lighted on fire, he always knew how to make me pissed beyond anything else!

"The only reason he even did that was because I couldn't kiss him, fuck him! If I had just done that and hadn't been crying over your stupid coward ass I would have been still living there, fucking having a second kid by now and been fucking happy, but I love you! don't you fucking get that you fucker!" I was screaming it too when I pushed past him in the shower, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around me, going for the door when I felt him catch me, pulling me back with his arm around my waist, no! f**k him! he was not getting me back this time! He lost his chance and me f*****g him didn't f*****g matter, or that I loved him!

"Happy!? Is that so!? Tell me than Andrea, are you fucking happy right now, here in this fucking the middle of nowhere and married to a man that fucked his old wife, are you!?" I was still having my head turned away, not seeing his eyes that was on me, but I knew what he looked like, it was hard and commanding. the blue green mixed together when he was mad and jaw clenched together, I knew so much about him and at the same time, nothing.

"Fuck you!" I was gritting it back through my teeth feeling myself being on edge when he was still holding me firmly, leaving me no room to escape with my eyes closed and just wishing that he would let me go, disappear and never come back again. "No, fuck you Andrea... fuck you..." he was saying it angry and fading out in the end when I was trembling from the cold of being out of the water and felt his arm pull me closer, making me lean onto his hard chest and pushing my body against him, this was not how I fucking imagined this morning would turn out to be.

"Tell me to go away... tell me to fucking go and I will... I f*****g will..." he was saying it hard and scared when I made a sniffle, f**k. I didn't want to cry anymore, I just didn't and still he was making me fucking start to crack, I hated him for it.

"Don't go.... Don't fucking go Jonah..." I was shaking my head the slightest feeling my chest burning from all the emotions that was inside me, making me f*****g sick when he was still holding me close, not giving a shit if the whole house had heard us, he was like that. didn't give a fuck.

"Don't leave me...." I was so pathetic. I was. I fucking loved Buck but as soon as Jonah was back into my life, I just dropped everything, begged him not to leave like the sad woman I was. I knew he would. He always did.

"Mo mhuirnín dílis...." He was talking rubbish again when I finally looked up, the hard lump in my throat pushing me merciless when the first tear fell down and I didn't even know what the fuck I was crying for? him, me, Kira. all the other shit that had happened. Everything.

"I love you..... I love you my little darling.......no matter what.... You have my heart Andrea..." he let me go and took my hand, placing it on his chest making me start to tremble, feeling his heartbeat that was so fast and strong. he was scared too, scared that I never was going to forgive him, never take him back.

I was still staring at him mesmerized, in some state of grace feeling Jonah's heartbeat under my hand, his heart was mine. Always had been.

"Jonas, you in there! You left me, how the fuck are you so fast man!?" I pulled back hearing Mitch voice, my hand leaving his chest and my eyes on the door, taking a step back from Jonah that looked at me sad, hurt and broken, same as me. "Andrea... please.... Please..." he was holding out his hand when I looked at it and then at him, his pleading face and eyes that told me that he would do anything, anything to get me back. I couldn't.

I shook my head.

No.

I couldn't do this again, he knew I loved him and I always would, but I was happy with Buck, no matter what he told me, I was.

"No." I mouthed it, taking the towel around me and turning around when he dropped his hand, looking like he wanted to die, well. At least now he knew what I had been feeling all this time...

"Get the fuck out of my way!" I sneered it at Mitch that made a surprised face of shock and ogling when I opened the door, slamming it hard behind me, still dressed in the towel and growling angry, if he didn't fucking move, I was going to cut his balls off! "Andrea? Where the fuck did you come from, I thought Jonas was in there??" He was looking at the door when I made an angry scowl, I didn't care what he thought about shit, he didn't like me and I didn't like him, end of f*****g story.

"How the fuck am I supposed to keep of track of your fucking friends, that's not my fucking problem!" I made a snarl, pushing my way past him, making sure my shoulder hit his arm knowing that I didn't do shit to him, but still. It felt good. I was going to forget this ever fucking happened.

F**k.