Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 150

Jonah was gone. Finally. F*****g

finally.

I was staring at the house. It had some Christmas décor, but I was not going crazy, unlike some neighbors, and Buck wanted to do more when I stopped him. He really loved shit like this... holidays.... He was nothing like me that way... but I tried for Kira, I did when she was having her birthday tomorrow, and Buck was just as excited as she was; it was adorable.

"Andrea.... There is something you need to see...." Buck sounded unsure and surprised when I looked up from the papers I was looking at from work. My phone was on, and regretting it when the calls never stopped coming when I walked out, following Buck when my eyes widened in pure f*****g horror. What the f**k was that!

"Buck, why is there a f*****g horse on my driveway!?" I was shrieking it when Kira wasn't home. She was spending time with Sophia giving Buck and me some time to finish up for her birthday. Not letting her see the birthday gifts that I knew were overkill but couldn't resist giving her. She was so fucking spoiled.

"I don't know... I just... I don't fucking know either... some guys just came here, made me sign some shit, and unloaded it. Look at it..." he was just as surprised as he was happy. Of course, he was; Sarah was a f*****g veterinarian, and he was used to this shit. I was used to seeing animals on the screen, where they f*****g belonged!

"Oh god! What the fuck am I supposed to do with it! Look at it, Buck, it's fucking huge!" I was panting. This was a fucking nightmare; if Kira saw it, she would make me keep it, and I didn't want that. I fucking didn't! I wasn't a fucking animal lover, alright! I didn't even get a cat after getting dumped by Ryan like an ordinary woman would have done. Instead, I fucked the neighbor and got knocked up, f**k!

"Jonah," I said, gritting. This was him! He had told me he would buy Kira a fucking pony, and he did!

"What?" Buck looked back up from the papers in his hands when I snarled. Didn't he get it? This was Jonah all over it; he was trying to bribe Kira, show me that he gave a shit, just like he did to me when we were on and off all the time. Well, this time, it was going to fucking work!

"Take it away, just... just take it, Buck...." I was holding my arms crossed, my body tense, when I finally just said it defeated.... Oh god, Jonah, you stupid idiot, I didn't have room, time, or money for a f*****g pony!

"Oh shit... Andy babe, you will not believe... this pony is worth more than my company... holy shit...." He looked up at the miniature horse, a pony with a bowtie; of course, it did. F*****g Jonah!

"I believe it," I said snappy, taking the papers and staring at them when Buck was going up and patting the poor creature who had no idea I was clueless about anything alive. It was a miracle Kira was alive and functioning, to be honest. "Fuck!" I said it seeing the sale; it was worth a lot; I could pay off half my mortgage on my house, more. Fuck again!

"It's okay... it's okay... I know Sarah will help us, she knows people, and maybe you can get paid for it. I mean, if you want to do that to Kira..." he was saying it smiling when I made a face, do it to Kira or to him? he was still grinning when I was clutching the papers, trying not to have a f*****g heart attack seeing the big grin on Buck's face, he was already in love, and I knew it. He was patting the pony that was eating from my poorly treated garden, told you I sucked at everything except cooking, but that didn't fucking help me with a horse unless I was making it into a roast!

"Buck.... Baby... please.... We can't have this here no matter how much Kira will love it...." I said it more defeated and tired.... He really wouldn't mind, and I knew it, but this wasn't a dream, and I couldn't do it, and I just couldn't.

"Yeah... I know... but how about just renting a stable? I mean... it's kind of pricey, but....Kira would love it..." he said, looking at the horse when I made a small sigh. Could you do that? That sounded expensive, and I wasn't a millionaire no matter how much I worked my a*s off at the store.

"Buck... I don't know... I mean, sure for Kira... but ... I can't pay that..." my hands were down now, still holding the papers that showed ownership over it. Kira owned it. Not me, for the record.

"Hey, we're married, aren't we? I never said you had to pay for everything, Andrea...." Buck made a wink and a grin, making me feel better and warmer. Well, he was right about that part. He was my husband, and I loved him, no matter what I did, and f**k Jonah. "Yeah... that we are Buck... that we are...." I came closer to him, making a scared face when the pony made a huffing breath like it could feel that I didn't like it, he or she wasn't wrong, and I was not a horse lover just because Kira was.

"Don't be scared.... Look..." he was patting the horse when I made a small shriek when he took my hand and made me pat it too and chuckled when I started to giggle, Buck was so stupid and the best. He really was.

"Oh, fuck.... We have a horse, Buck...." I stared at it when I felt Buck's arms around me, leaning down, his head on my shoulder, still grinning, and I knew it, that smug bastard.

"That we do, Andy... that we do..." he chuckled when I made a huff just like the horse and turned around, seeing Buck's warm gray eyes looking at me. I loved him so much.... It was so easy when he was around me and nobody else. I could just forget all the other shit, him fucking Sarah, me fucking Jonah that I hadn't even admitted to and still didn't know if I wanted to, so I was a coward. What else was new?

"I love you so goddam much..." Buck was pulling me closer, turning me around, and making me smile big when he kissed me softly and made me push closer. I was tired of waiting on him to make the first move, I had been waiting for so long after I was stabbed, and I was fine. He needed to f**k me, or I was going to die!

"I love you, please.... Just fuck me, Buck... I need you...." he made a surprised face mixed with fear and happiness, horniness that he couldn't even hide even if he tried, good. I wanted him to feel that way.

"You sure.... You aren't in any pain than..." he was stroking my scar underneath the shirt I had, and I shook my head fast. No pain, just the hard ache to feel him close to me.

"Alright.... let's do this... let me just... get the pony somewhere..." he chuckled when he kissed me. I pushed my arms around him when he pulled me closer, giving me more kisses before letting go of my sadness. I took the rope to the new pony I never wanted and was leading it away to somewhere Sarah could help us.

Oh god, please, I wanted that when I took up my phone, writing a long snap, two. Telling Jonah that he could go fuck himself, that I was going to kill him, and that he better not show his fucking face again around Kira or me, or he was f*****g toast!

"Hey...what are you writing, beautiful?" Buck was back behind me. I closed snap fast, and he didn't see what I was writing, or else I would be in so much deep shit for lying to his face these last days and just pretending that I didn't fuck Jonah when he was off sleeping it off in the garage after getting drunk when I told him off, hadn't talked about that shit either. Nope, we both just were happily pushing it away, and honestly, I didn't f*****g mind. I didn't want to deal with telling Buck everything when it was Kira's birthday tomorrow, and I wanted everything to be perfect!

"Nothing... just googling stables... and horses....." I giggled, feeling his hands coming down over my stomach and finding the helm of my jeans, pulling it up, making me happy that we were alone out here, except for a horse.

"I can show you something else that is as big as a horse..." he made a snicker in my ear, making me roll my eyes, yeah sure.... let's call it that big... Buck wasn't small, but he wasn't the size of any horse.

"Show me, Buck..." I said it feeling my breath hitched when his hand was getting lower down to my panties, and I made a slight sound of pleasure, feeling his big hand on my p***y. Oh yes, please tell me he would do what I wanted him to do right now!

"Oh yes, Buck... just like that...." I pushed my head back onto his shoulder, arching my ass to him, feeling the d**k that was hard against me, and feeling the warmth from his big rough fingers over me; I wanted him to play me so hard. I f*****g needed that more than

ever!

"Andy...shit..." I felt myself being pulled back, his hand was out, and I made a surprised shriek when he just picked me up, swinging me over his shoulder, and started to walk towards the house with me bouncing up and down, seeing the horse in the distance, staring at me, what the f**k just happened!?

"Buck!?" I complained when he walked inside our bedroom, putting me down gently, and started to get undressed. Nothing, just him getting f*****g naked and me being on the bed, propped up on my elbows, staring at him and his hard dick coming out from the boxers he was having on.

"Yeah?" he frowned when I wasn't undressing. Was he kidding with me right now?? He was just about to finger me, and then he stopped! That was like even worse than don't do it at all!

"What the fuck just happened; I thought you were going to...." I stopped when he made a surprised face like he didn't know what I was talking about, come on! He had fucked so many women, and he never fucking ever did more than just push his dick inside them?? No, no way!

"Fuck you...hell yeah..." he made a grin when I sighed and leaned back, feeling Buck coming up over me, kissing me all over my lips and face, down to my neck and boobs. He did love my boobs. All guys did.

"I love you... I love you so much...." He was mumbling it when my shirt was coming off, and I did a sigh, not feeling whatever was going on anymore. I don't know. I just was fucking disappointed in him, and that was the truth. This sucked.

"Buck...." I said it tired when he looked up, flustered and still having his hands on my tits when I did a groin. I usually was so f*****g turned on by him, and now, I felt nothing, like him not fingering me; the pure disappointment just had made me turn off, and I had no idea what happened.

"What?" he didn't get it either when I was making another sigh, pulling back my shirt down to his disliking. This shit with him just f*****g me with no warm-up was not going to work anymore, and I wasn't even up for f*****g in the thirty seconds it took him to carry me to the bed.

"Nothing..." I was getting up when he stared at me, just as confused and frustrated as I felt. I was angry and didn't want to fight, not when I just had told Jonah to f**k off and never come back.

"Nothing? Andy... I have been waiting on you for two months. When you finally tell me that you are okay to have s*x again... it's nothing?" he didn't sound angry, just really hurt, making me feel even worse. What the f**k was he hurt over? he had fucked Sarah, and he didn't think about how fucking hurt I was over that, did he!?

"I said it's nothing, and if you are too fucking stupid to get it, then I don't care!" I was growling it back, stupid Buck, so fucking stupid that he couldn't get that I wanted him to finger me. Just how fucking hard was that to get!? I wasn't holding back, and he still didn't get it!

"Alright.... whatever...I am not going to listen to that shit calling me stupid... I'm not stupid, Andrea, don't f*****g test me!" he was up, getting dressed again when I had my arms crossed, staring at him angrily, trying not to show how much I regretted saying that. I was too proud to say something. I didn't want to give in and just beg him to stay, say I was sorry. I fucking refused!

"Oh yeah?? What are you going to do then? Take me by my neck and drag me outside. Make me fucking submit, or else!?" I didn't even know where it came from. Still, I was sick of Buck when he did something I felt was wrong! in my world, what he did to Mitchell, even if I fucked hated him, was so fucking upsetting. I knew that it was my parents and me deep inside, but I didn't care, I hadn't said a word about him using f*****g violence to make Mitch submit, and I was f*****g sick of it!

Buck stared at me like I was crazy. He was still putting on his boots again, lacing them up, when I scowled hard. Yeah, he f*****g heard me!

"Not that it's any of your fucking business what I do to Mitch, but I would never hurt him. me holding him like that, Andrea....... just.... Shut up about shit. You have no idea what you are talking about!" I was still on the bed, still on my back, looking up at Buck, that was standing up now, towering over me and fuck he did not look happy when he said everything with a lower threatening voice, that I implied that he was hurting Mitchell, yeah well, he f*****g was!

"I do know what I'm fucking talking about. I've seen you twice!" I was up, too, not being able to stay down. He looked at me even more angrily, like If I was a guy and not his wife, he would punch my lights out. Yeah, I bet he would, big guy!

"You have seen nothing! Alright!? You have seen fucking nothing of me and what I can do! You think I was this patient when I was Mitch's age!? No, no, Andrea... you are lucky you met me when I was older. You wouldn't have fucking liked me when I was a kid, and back then, I wouldn't have given a shit about someone like you." he just said that hard and walked out after giving me a frown that was still making my chest hurt and my stomach turn, he wouldn't have cared.

"WHAT!?" I was already after him. What the f**k did he mean by that!? Was I alien or something else I didn't f*****g know of??

"Buck, what the fuck is that supposed to mean, someone like me!?" I was not letting him just say that to my face and walk away. No, I wasn't fucking Sarah! He was not just telling me shit and not even explaining himself!

He stopped when I grabbed his shoulder, tensing up even more as he had just realized what he had said to me. It made me feel even more upset without even knowing what his answer was. It was going to fucking hurt, and I knew it.

"Just... just let it go, Andy, forget I ever opened my mouth..." he was making a big sigh when his shoulders fell with it like he was regretting ever saying anything. I could already feel that hurt growing in my stomach, making me want to run and never come back, the feeling of being rejected. Again.

"No.... no... just tell me... tell me Buck, whatever it is.... You think it was important enough to slap in my face when I upset you...." I was still sounding so fucking serious, trying to cover up how much I was holding back from crying, imagining the absolute worst possibilities of seeing him look back at me, showing hurt and regret. I did hurt him, and he hurt me right back. I just didn't know if I could bounce back from whatever Buck was holding back from me.

"Andrea, just listen to me, forget it.... I was pissed and...well, I still am, to be honest, and I don't want to say something that makes you get any ideas that I don't want you to have.... I love you, baby..." he had turned around completely, staring at me with mixed emotions. He was still angry; that much was clear. Still, he acted more like he just wanted to escape this conversation and pretend it never happened. Ever.

"Fine.... If we had met, like twenty years ago, I wouldn't have wanted you, not as I do now, and I can't change that. It's just how I was back then. I was a selfish, superficial asshole that only let my dick do all the thinking. I couldn't see past looks..." he stopped when I dropped my hand from his shoulder as he had burnt me. What was he saying to my face here, really, that I was ugly?? Was that it!?

"Looks?" I said it back hollow. What kind of surface was he talking about? Was I ugly, or was I too big? Maybe I had the wrong color or was not skinny enough? What was it??

"Listen, listen to me... I'm not that guy anymore. I was a stupid kid that could get any girl I wanted, so I did that, not like now. I love you, Andrea, and I never want to fuck anyone other than you.." he was holding his cap now, turning it in his hands when I pressed my lips together. He still hadn't told me what was f*****g wrong with me!?

"So, Buck. Tell me. what the fuck is wrong with me that younger you wouldn't have f*****g liked?" I sounded cold because that was what I felt, cold and hollow, pushing away anything resembling feelings. I would die from heartache right on the spot if I didn't. "No... no, I don't want to tell you... Andy... stop pushing it... I don't get that about you. Why are you always trying to get hurt? Do you like that? Do you like fighting with the people that love you? I'm not that guy anymore, and I don't want to see you cry. I had enough of that shit with Sarah..." he was fading out when I just did a slow nod seeing him pushing his lips together too, turning his fucking cap and giving me an accusing tone that I was the one that fucked up. It wasn't!

"You're right. You are. I'm a needy fucking bitch that likes to fight. Yes." I said it back choppy when he did another sigh, pleading with me to stop, but I couldn't. I fucking couldn't when he told me that he wouldn't have wanted me twenty years ago, and not how I acted. It was my looks that were bothering him.

"Don't... let's just stop this... I need to call Sarah about the damn horse and pick up Kira..." he was walking away. I was still standing in the bedroom, my arms crossed so hard underneath my boobs that I was suffocating. I held my breath until I heard Buck leave the house, close the door gently and walk out to his truck, still just as angry as I was.

I threw myself down on the bed again and started to cry, hard and loud, I was so pathetic, and even Buck had begun to catch on that I was! It was only a matter of time before he filed for divorce, and I was going to be alone again, rejected and unloved, unwanted like I had been all my life...f**k.