Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 156

"That's f*****g bullshit, and you know it, Buck!?" I was yelling it angrily at him when he was so tired, same as me standing inside our bedroom. Cops all over the place told me not to go out there, search for my child like me sitting here was supposed to fix shit! "I know! I want to help too, but right now. We have done all we can and... f**k..." he took his hand and dragged it over his eyes, rubbing them for a couple of seconds. This was the fourth day Kira was missing, and I was trapped inside my home! "All we can!? Is that supposed to be some f*****g joke!? We should be out there and searching for her. The f*****g cops are...." I didn't make it past that word when he looked up, and I stopped. My own anger became sadness, and I just sat down and started to cry; why didn't he take me instead!? Why the f**k did he take Kira!? "Doing all they can.... Andrea... please." He was begging me, and I didn't even know what for. He was just as lost as me. f**k.

"I know... don't you think I f*****g don't know that, Buck!?" I started screaming again when he moved closer, taking me in his arms, and I buried my face into his chest. I was dead inside, only the cold hard fear clutching my heart so hard that I couldn't even think anymore.

"I know... I know.... someone must have fucking seen the bastard. It is not that big of a town..." he faded out and sighed, his chest heaving up and down and the heartbeat getting stronger from thinking about what had happened. We lost our daughter. "I don't even know.... I don't even know why he took her... why didn't he take me, Buck? Oh fucking god, why didn't he just take me instead?!" I was still crying; my eyes were hurting, unable to take the stream of tears anymore.

"I don't know either.... Shit, I don't know, baby...." Buck was holding me tighter, everything had been so good, and now it was all destroyed. Nothing mattered. Not me cheating on Buck, not that Jonah wanted custody or even told the whole town that he was Kira's father. Nothing.

"I just want her back, Buck... I want her back here and...." My words got lost when the sobbing in my chest took over. My entire body was trembling. When the phone called, I was tired and still on edge, jumping at everything. That was the worst part, hoping that someone had seen her, found her, and told me that she was on her way home, only to have the hope crushed every time. My f*****g spirit was broken.

The phone went off again, making me look up when Buck took it and made a frown. He gave it over to me since it was mine looking even more disapproving when I saw the snap from Jonah. Oh god! Please tell me he has found her!

"Why is he wanting you to get rid of the police and meet up in town? Andy?!" Buck looked even angrier when I dropped the phone and got up, picking up my shoes, car keys, and purse before returning to him. Still sitting on the bed and resisting just taking hold of me and putting me back down, he didn't. He knew f*****g better.

"I don't care. Did you get that, Buck? I don't fucking care what Jonah has planned. If it brings back Kira, I am fucking doing it." I didn't even sound angry. Just determined when Buck dropped his hands that was clasped together, making a heavy nod to my surprise. What?! He wasn't even going to fight me for going out there with a great chance of doing something dangerous to get Kira back, and with Jonah, of all people.

"Don't look at me like that. I want Kira back, and... well, I fucking know that I can't go along even if I really want to Andy, shit... you have no idea how bad this feels for me, but.... I'm staying here and keeping tabs on the police. You do whatever you can to get her back..." he made an even bigger sigh saying the last part when I felt my chest expand for the first time since Kira was lost to us. He was willing to let me go with Jonah and ... do something... f**k he really loved me. I loved him back. He was the best man a girl like me could have met. Ever.

"Buck... I.... I love you...." I said it carefully when he looked up, making a slight grin; it wasn't happy, but he got it, he would have done anything for his kids, and this was his way of helping me, helping Kira.

"I love you too... so... please... be fucking careful and.... Get Kira back..." he pulled me inside his arms when I kissed his neck; I just wanted to show him how much I loved him for trusting me. I wasn't going to f**k Jonah, and I was going to get Kira back.

"I will," I said, more determined than ever. It felt good... feeling something other than despair... even if I didn't know what Jonah had planned... I was glad that I finally broke down and told Buck everything... and I mean everything... I had spent the entire night just vomiting what had happened between Jonah and me. He even knew the part about Jonah being a mob guy, I just couldn't stop when I started, and Buck had listened to everything.

"You better be... I'm not afraid of him...no matter what he has done...." Buck made another grin when I did a small smile. I wasn't afraid either... whoever Jonah had killed, I wanted to believe that it was people that had it coming, kind of like Chris... and James.... "I don't want you to be... I just want to find Kira and kill that bitch. I don't even need petty f*****g revenge or t*****e or shit like that, just one bullet. Right here." I tapped between my eyes when Buck did a bigger grin now, like he felt the same way. I told you we clicked.

"Take your phone, and for the love of god, please, Andy! Call me when you know something." He said it seriously when I had my arms around his neck, hanging onto him with all my might. How the f**k did I get so lucky finding Buck? He was everything I ever wanted, and he didn't even freak out hearing about my past or what had happened. No, he got me. He did.

"I love you, Bucky..." my voice was loving when I kissed him, making me feel better for the first time in four days. Having Buck kissing me when I pulled back, smiling reassuring, I would do anything to get Kira home, and he wasn't stopping me. I was so glad I married him.

"Here... take it...." Buck was holding his shotgun out when I raised my eyebrows. He really wasn't playing around if he was willing to hand that over to me, he loved that thing, and I knew it.

"Buck, it's a saw-off... I can't really walk out of here with that and the cops around me...." I made a stupid smile when I was already holding it when he made a bigger grin, pulling out a golf bag. Was he fucking kidding me, a golf bag? He didn't golf, and I knew that! "Yeah... normally nobody would give a shit... but the feds are here, and yeah..." he looked like he was happier to give it over to me when I was already stuffing it down the bag. This was either the best or the worst idea he ever had, and I loved every second of it. "Buck, I fucking love you!" I kissed him hard again when he stopped me from leaving, kissing me one more time, making my head spin, f**k I was going to kill James, and then I was going to be free, f**k the rest!

"Andy, baby... your phone...." Buck was smirking, holding it out when I rushed back, taking it in one sweep and giving him another kiss. Oh god, I hoped Jonah had a fucking plan to get Kira back. We needed one.

"I will be back, with Kira." I felt even more determined when he nodded, and I opened the door, walking out with a fucking golf bag. How the f**k the cops were going to buy that I was even someone who did that was laughable, to say the least. "If you don't, I'm coming after you!" he shouted behind me when my heart was beating harder from hearing his serious voice. I counted on that.