Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 173

didn't care about the rest. He abandoned me when I needed him the most!

"Jonah, please... just not, okay?" I was tilting my camera, showing him Kira, that was waving, making him smile and wave back that idiot. What the hell was he even talking to her for? He only wanted to take her back because of Fiona, which was not happening. I He made a snarl at me. Yeah, it was a real snarl like he couldn't wait to start telling me just how f*****g stupid I was for hiding that I was pregnant, and there was a big chance he was the father again. F**k.

"Fine. You better call me back, or I'm going to take the first plane down and drag you myself to a clinic." He was staring down at my belly that he couldn't see, clenching his jaw hard when I sighed and nodded. Yeah, sure, it wasn't like my day could get any worse than it was right now.

"Yeah, fine..." I was just about to cut the call when his face changed, it did, and for just one second before it disconnected, he looked like he was hurt, beyond whatever he showed to anyone, even me. The screen turned black, and I was left stunned, tears starting to choke me. What the f**k was happening around me anyway?!

Buck was acting insane, not giving a shit about what had happened to me. His son and ex-wife were responsible for this, for me crying in the car, wanting to leave the only place I had considered home for a long time.

"Why are you sad, mommy? Is it because you miss my real daddy?" Kira was looking concerned, her small face trying to figure out what was going on, looking at me with her big green-blue eyes when the truth was, I had no fucking idea whatsoever why I was crying over everything, I guess.

"Did he tell you that?" I was trying to wipe my eyes when she nodded, making me scoff; of course, he did. Jonah was never going to keep quiet about that. He wasn't like that, he just kept secrets from me, and I wasn't allowed to do the same thing back. "Yeah, well... yeah Kira.... He is your real daddy, but.... He still can't be with us, you understand that. Buck is still your daddy, not Jonah...." I hated having to have this conversation feeling so destroyed already, after Buck, Sarah... I just wanted to take this truck and never come back again, and that was scaring the shit out of me, how fast I was willing to just cut ties and never come back, leaving everyone behind.

"Okay.... but I want my real daddy too....." She didn't say anything more, just looked away into the window like that wasn't the answer she wanted and frowned. I was staring back at her. Shit, she really looked like Jonah. There was no way around that. She was just as stubborn too, pretty as a princess and the shortest fuse making her small monster when she didn't get her way.

I didn't say anything, either. There wasn't any way I could give her the answer she wanted. She loved Buck, and there was not a single doubt in my mind about that. She just had discovered that Jonah was around she wanted more, and I didn't blame her. I really didn't since I would have wanted the same thing, and I was an adult, and she was just a kid.

"I want my real daddy!" she was shouting it all the way home when I turned on the radio, trying to drown out the screaming child in the backseat that was behind me and just praying that I was f*****g home soon so that I could get out and not wanting to start scream back at her since I was too tired to deal with more shit and Jonah was going to tear into me too when I called him back!

Kira was screaming louder, making my ears hurt. She really wanted to see Jonah, it seemed, fuck! This was getting harder by the second! She didn't even like him the first time they saw each other, and now... now she wanted him to be around and f**k up our lives like it wasn't hard enough with Buck's family.... I was still sitting there in the driver's seat, finally back home, not moving, when Kira made a kick against the seat hard and aimed at me, making my last part snap and turn around to her, seeing the anger when she was staring back at me just as angry for not getting what she wanted.

"What the fuck are you doing!? You just kicked your brothers and me!!?" I was screaming it back when she stopped, her face morphing into the hard sobbing I knew was coming when I was cursing again, not giving a shit if she heard me or not, getting out slowly to the sound of Kira's wailing still in the back, f**k shit she really got me good to that little brat!

I was out and clenching my hands before rubbing my back; it still was hurting. I was this close to getting back inside and telling her that she could go live with Jonah for all I cared since she was screaming about him when he never cared enough to be there for her and me!

"Mommy!" she was screaming at me. Her face was destroyed in tears when I had my back turned to her, rubbing my ribs where she had made the kick. How the f**k was she so strong anyway!? "Fuck!" I looked up at the darkening sky, closing my eyes, trying to grasp what was happening, feeling like the absolute worst mother in the entire universe. I was. I f*****g was.

I made a sigh leaning back the slightest before opening my eyes. I needed Buck, that was the goddamn truth, and I wasn't even ashamed to admit it anymore. I just couldn't handle this shit alone.

Kira was still crying, making me feel worse when I was crying too, holding my phone to my ear, trying to calm down, walking back to Kira in the car to let her out when Buck wasn't answering, making me even angry, how much f*****g time did he need to help that drunk bitch off the kitchen table and get back to me, I f*****g needed him too!

"I'm sorry, mommy! I'm so sorry. Please don't be angry at me!" Kira was stuttering her words out, scared to death over me just lashing out, making me feel even worse. I could f*****g die right here on the spot from the guilt gushing over me.

"Its okay... its okay baby.... Let's just... Fuck!" Kira was still crying, clinging to me. When I stopped my movement, the pain in my back got worse when it felt like I had peed my pants, making my heart stop. Was I going into f*****g labor or what!? "SHIT!" I was staring down, not seeing a thing because of my belly, when I looked up at my hand covered in blood from my thigh. This was not what I needed right now!

"Kira, stay in the car...." I tried to calm her down, but the pain was getting more intense when I called Buck again. He had to get her and help me. I couldn't fucking drive feeling the blood that still was gushing out of me with Kira crying her eyes out, being just as scared as I was.

"Fuck you, Buck!" I was growling it, trying to get back to the driver seat, panting from the throbbing pain that was going along my core and up towards my rib, giving me unimaginable pain still holding Kira, that was sniffling against my shoulder. This was the worst day of my life; my husband was with his ex-wife, my life was destroyed, and my babies were bleeding out on me!

"Oh god.... Oh god..." I was panting even more, my heart beating so fast when the blood didn't seem to stop, and here, I was f*****g stranded with my three-year-old unable to move when my phone finally started to vibrate, making me so fucking happy that Buck finally had called me back from taking care of his evil bitch of an ex!

"Jonah!?" I was staring at the screen when he was staring back, still pissed when I made a small laugh that didn't even sound happy. Great, and here he was to give me shit and couldn't even help me, being hundreds of miles away! "Yeah, it's me, fucking surprise, now what the hell are you doing!?" He was coming closer to the screen when he just saw my face, it was awful, and red cried, but I didn't care. My twins were about to die on me, and nobody could help!

"I'm bleeding!" I was showing my hand, trying not to cry so hard, when Kira was staring at my hand too, she didn't get it, but that didn't help me or her right now!

"I'm fucking bleeding, and my babies are dying, so fuck you, you motherfucker! I hate you and..." my voice was fading out when I made a face showing how much this was hurting, and nobody was there to help me!

"Are you fucking kidding me!? Where the fuck is that redneck, you married!?" Jonah was looking around like he was searching for Buck, ready to kill him, when I was feeling the same way. He had told me he wouldn't let me down, let me be alone, and here I was, alone!

"I don't know... I don't know... oh fuck... Kira.... Just...." This was getting worse by the second when Kira wasn't saying a damn word, just crying and staring at me guiltily, oh god, she probably thought that she did this, but she didn't. No way did she do this; it was all my fault for trusting Buck when I should have fucking learned by now that I couldn't trust anyone!

"Okay, take it fucking easy, breathe and all that shit. I'm calling an ambulance, and then I'm fucking coming over. You hear me, Andrea!? we are not done having this fucking conversation!" He was taking out another phone, making me almost laugh, look at him going all business on me. He didn't even freak out like when Kira was born.

"It's going to be okay, baby, please ...." I was stroking Kira's head, watching Jonah talk. I wasn't even surprised he was talking fast and demanding, giving the person on the other end no chance to speak back to him. He wanted something, and he got it. "There. they are on their way. Why didn't you call them!?" He was saying that I had the time to even try to handle that. My knees started to feel weaker from the blood loss, making me just do a faded smirk. He still was a cocky bastard, that was for sure. "I was comforting Kira....." He switched his eyes over to Kira, that was hiding the best should cold into my shoulder, still sniffling. Still, at least she wasn't in panic mode like I was trying so hard not to go into myself!

"Shit.... Andrea...." He was looking at me just like he was in the shower, making me want to start to cry all over again. We couldn't be together, he was still way too young, and I was married to Buck, and I beat he still had on that golden band that made me kick him out of my life three years ago.

"No... no just don't..." I was still trying not to start crying all over again when he looked lost, him and me both. I hated this. I hated that I was alone again and was scared to death that I was going to be alone, and there was nobody around to comfort Kira when they were taking me in!

"I need to sit down.... Just wait, baby...." I slopped down slowly on the ground, leaning against the car when Kira climbed down and sat beside me. She had started to cry again when I was holding the phone in my hand, but it was getting too heavy, and it felt like I was going to bleed out here and die. I didn't want that! I wanted to live and see my babies and hold my Kira; that was the only reason I had just ended it after Jonah told me he had gotten married.

"Andrea, are you just listening to me? You better not fucking pass out on me, you hear me!?" Jonah was screaming in the distance when I closed my eyes. Yeah, I heard him... don't pass out... Kira's movements felt duller, and I swear she was tugging on my arm to open my eyes, but I was too tired to even try.

"ANDREA!" I flinched, hearing the dark voice mixing with the crying from Kira, my eyes fluttering the slightest, the phone was on the ground, and there were sirens in the distance, thank god! Thank fucking god!

"Mommy, wake up!" Kira was shaking me, trying to keep me up, when I turned my head slowly, smiling at her. Look at her, so fucking brave, just like I never was, useless as her mother, always dragging her into shit that she ended up hurting for. This was all my fault. "Kira, I love you..." she was staring at my face, eyes wide in horror, still shaking me. Maybe this was for the best. I was just a useless mother, always had been, fuck, but I tried, didn't I? I always tried... Kira was hugging me now, making me hold her, she was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I hoped that the babies would make it; if I died, my kids would live, oh please god...