Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 186

"No, Kira... no, stop that, don't!" I yelled over from the small hallway, pinning my hair after some stupid tutorial. I didn't like Kira walking up to Noah with a smile on her face, she was up to something even if she hadn't pounced him yet. I didn't understand why she doing these days!? She loved them and was proud, so why was she acting as if she could just wait to make them cry when I was busy for five seconds!? "I didn't do anything!?" she barked back when I sneered. My patience was thin already, having less than three hours of sleep when Sophia left last night, leaving me with three screaming children who all needed me!

"Oh yeah! what is that then, a f*****g pen!?" I was cursing again, taking the pen from her small hand, her lips forming down to a scowl when I was throwing it back where it belonged, which was f*****g nowhere in this mess that I had to live inside of! "that's a bad word, mommy!" she was screaming at me when I just clenched my jaw. I wanted to scream at her to shut the f**k up, she was acting like she was on speed and nothing was good suddenly! not drawing, watching her iPad, or the hundredths of barbies we were f*****g drowning in! Nothing!

"I know it is; now, get inside your room!" I was exhausted when she started crying, which made the choir complete. All of my children were crying, and I was late as the supervisor of the sixth floor. Great!

"I want my daddy back!" she was howling it along when I stopped and just made a sigh. Yeah, I wanted that too, and I wanted some f*****g help. That fucker she wanted so bad to come back made me pregnant and dumped me. I wished that I could kill him! "Yeah, well, if you want to, maybe you can f*****g move to him!" I heard the door slam when she didn't care what I said, stopped listening the second I screamed at her, and felt terrible I did.

She was four this year and already steamrolling me, giving me no time for anything else; believe me, I wished that Buck hadn't been a fucking dick, either. My life had sure been a lot more peaceful! "Shit... shit...... hey baby, it's okay... it's okay..." I was picking up Noah, and that was the worst part too. I couldn't really hold them both, not unless I was sitting down, and how the fuck was going to carry the other one to me, nobody, that's who! "Shit...." I was still rocking the small boy, feeling even worse; this was nothing like I had done with Kira, she and I were glued together around the clock, and here I was, ready to leave my boys again, late for work, and where the f**k was Sophia anyway!? "I'm going to kill your daddy Noah, I am..." he was starting to calm down when I was staring at the door with Kira behind it. She was not going to give up; she was just like Jonah in that way. No, she was all him! I was surprised that I even was her mother sometimes! "Kira, come out here!" I was trying to sound nice when I had to put down Noah and pick up Jamie, that was still crying; it was a never-ending story of crying!

She wasn't opening up when I was doing the same thing, the same routine, trying to get everyone to calm down, knowing that it was my fault for blowing up, but I couldn't help it. I was late, and Joseph had told me that this was a great chance for me, and I knew he was right; this wasn't me being a secretary; this was me showing what I could do in the real world.

"Kira Marybeth!" I was screaming it, going for the door; I hated that Jonah had made sure she had Fiona's name, even if I couldn't do shit about it, when my heart stopped, opening the door to the small bedroom that looked nothing like the one she had back home, her home when she was crying, and the worst part was, she had my phone!

"Please, please! Let me come home!" she was begging the man on the other side, making me stare at him, watching her from the other side, me still holding Jamie, stunned over what I was seeing. It was breaking my heart at the same time, f*****g Buck! "Please, daddy, I'll be good, I promise!" Kira was still crying when I couldn't move, couldn't say a damn word, trying not to lose my footing, hearing Buck answering her back calmly like I couldn't hear from a mile that he was about to crack, just like Kira.

"You can't. I'm sorry, princess... it's just the way it is right now, but I'm coming to see you soon, alright? You can tell me all about the big city. I bet there is so much more fun to do than here...." I swallowed when Kira still was bawling her eyes out, and I wasn't that far after; this was my worst f*****g nightmare, just staring at my daughter, breaking down and knowing that her heart was broken, and she was so young.

"NO, it's not! I hate it here!" Kira was still struggling to speak, she was so smart, and I hated that she had to go through this; this was all my fault, me and Bucks!

"Kira, please... just say goodbye to daddy and... I promise that you will see him soon, okay?" I didn't want to look at Buck, feeling his eyes burning on me from across the screen. He didn't say anything, either. He was going to call me later when she couldn't hear him, and then I was going to scream, and so would he; just like the two times we had talked over the last weeks, he had found out that Noah and James were his sons.

"Okay, you heard mommy... Listen, I'm coming next week, okay? Then we are going to have so much fun, promise..." he made a smile. I know he did when she sniffled back and made sure to make him promise to come at least two times before hanging up, to my relief.

"Kira... please... I'm sorry for yelling...." I was coming closer, still holding Jamie, when she pulled her covers over her face, leaving me wanting to cry over everything. This, me yelling at her, having no f*****g support, trying to work, and Buck that was going to scream at me, oh, and he did, he really did. He wanted to kill me for lying or not telling when he was no better!

"I want to go home.... Please, I don't want to be here... please, mommy..." the muffled voice made me sit down when I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do anymore. She hated it here, clearly. Still, I couldn't go back. I was selfish and knew it, but .... she had no idea I was trying to protect her and her younger brothers.

"I know... I know, and I don't want to be here either, but it's not forever, okay princess, just that... you know I told you so many times, daddy and I aren't married anymore and...." I had signed the papers before him, telling me some bullshit about trying again; there was nothing he could tell me that would make me take him back! he lied to me, f*****g hired by Jonah! I had no idea who he was, a f*****g mercenary and an old one at that!

"Don't go, mommy, please...." She was out of the covers when I got up and heard Sophia coming inside the door. I was so going to kill her for being late; I bet she was stuck because she had been f*****g Tom or whatever!

"I have to... you know that.... But Soph is back, and ... "I stopped staring at her face, puffy and red, her eyes were scared, and I hated that. She didn't want me to leave, and here I was already going, f**k!

"I don't want Soph!" she was making a threatening sound again, seeing Sophia walking inside the room, looking at me like she didn't understand what was happening. I knew she did; she was the one that had made me reach out to Buck, and look where the fuck had gotten me, chaos!

"Hey, I just..." she was taking air to explain when I just made a sigh, not even caring. I wasn't going to work anyway, calling in f*****g sick or whatever. How could I leave when Kira needed me so much, like my twins. Maybe I should just quit, move back to my house and never see another person again.

"You can go Sophia.... I'm staying in today...." Sophia looked like she was feeling bad when I tried not to get upset again; this wasn't her fault, she could tell me to f**k off and not care, and I was using her, I was, and that was the truth.

"No, it's fine... right princess? we can watch movies, go to the stores, or...." Kira did not have it, and I made a smile at that. She was so stubborn, just like Jonah and Buck. I had the worst taste in guys, really.

"No! I want mommy!" she was clinging to my legs when I was stroking her head. She was the best thing to ever happen to me, even if she drove me up the f*****g walls sometimes.

"You know what, that sounds great, all of that... let me just get the bag, and we can take the stroller and have a day out, okay?" I was smiling when Kira nodded. Yeah, I was not wanting to stay here either. We could do something, even if I wasn't rich; there were lots of things to do, and Sophia made a trying smile, too, when I was walking back into the kitchen, still having Kira around my leg, not letting go.

"Everyone ready?" I was checking over the bag again; it was so heavy, twice everything, and two boys were going to sleep when they were tucked inside the stroller, making me feel the slightest better as a parent. Kira walked out in a dress she hadn't worn the last time I saw her; to my smile, she looked great! Like a princess with flowy skirts and pink everywhere, she was sticking to her guns.

"Yes, ready!" Sophia seemed happier too; she felt so bad, and I hated that I wasn't helping her improve it. I wasn't her mother, and still... fuck, it was hard seeing her, just moving along in a life that I didn't wish upon her, she was going to get burned, and there was no way I could stop her, no matter if Tom loved her or not.

"Great, let's do this!" I was sounding way more excited than I was feeling when I rolled out of the stroller, Kira holding Sophia's hand, and got into the elevator. I had to close my eyes. I know it was stupid since I was the adult one. However, I still hated it, riding the damn elevators when the doors finally opened and we got out.