Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 91

My legs was around him when he was thrusting slow and steady making me start to dig my nails into his neck and getting the deep moan back as the reward, he liked that when I left marks on him, whether he understood it when his teeth was in my neck and just made my body start to shake, my core tensing around him when he felt it and didn't say a word, just going harder making sure that I was screaming all over the building, my a*s was going to get bruised but I didn't give a shit, I just wanted him, everything of him when I was holding on hard to his tall muscular body that I had missed so much against mine.

"Yes, that's f*****g it, scream for me Andrea!" I couldn't even speak when the last push that I needed was his dark voice in my ear making my legs start to shake and I was just letting it all out, my screams was echoing over the steel doors where I catch myself, the blurry picture of Jonah that was holding me up standing between my naked legs that was around him, holding him like my life depended on it.

I was panting hard still holding onto his shoulder and arms around his neck when my body still was trembling, everything was slightly dizzy falling back with my head in the elevator that was probably smelling so hard from s*x and just started to giggle when he was holding me still, just pressing me up against it harder, he seemed tired too, more then he used to be when I was heavier.

"Jonah... oh f**k.... Shit...." I still couldn't form words that good, I was just high on him when he was leaning against my shoulder and looked up when my eyes meet his, look at him, smiling at me, he was the most beautiful guy I had ever seen, all that warmth that just radiated from his blue green eyes onto me, I was so f*****g lucky to have met him, no matter that he was an a*****e, and stupid sometimes, he did love me, he did.

"Well f**k..." He was sweaty when I just snorted at him pulling out and helped me pick up my skirt that was on the dirty floor, well at least it was black and not the beige on that I switched between, that would have been more work to get stains of when he smirked as I was pulling it on, ignoring that we were stupid like hell, just like always and did the shit we wanted, not giving a shit about the consequences.

"Okay.... Jonah... I have exactly 9 dollar and three cents, you are f*****g paying for that pill since if you don't...." He made a face like he didn't care but I did, I loved him but this, us just fucking with him not even pulling out anymore, that was just being insane, I was broke and he was a fucking drug addict, we were not having a kid together!

"So, what else is new then...." He made a smirk like this was funny making me annoyed and happy at the same time, he was starting to act more like himself and that made me feel more relaxed, it was hard just seeing him being broken down, it was. "Yes, just like always...." I made a smirk when I knew that it was stupid, I shouldn't smile when he acted like that, just being so nonchalant about this, it was f*****g serious, and he knew that too.

"I'll pay Andrea.... don't worry..." He smiled when I made a snort but just sniggered back, oh he sure would when he was giving me a wink and pushing the button that made the elevator starting move again that I hadn't even noticed before right now. I was fixing my hair, pulling my skirt back making sure my blouse was tucked inside and just trying to not look like I just been f****d when he was leaning against the wall, just staring at me like I was the best thing in the world, worrying over the way I looked, just like I always did.

"You look great, stop doing that. I like when people can see that I just fucked you." I made another snort, of course he did, that cocky bastard, now that he finally didn't want to push me away anymore, he wanted to do everything like we did before, like nothing had happened between us, but it had and it would just be stupid to ignore it, no matter how much I wanted to do the same.

"let's just go over and buy that stupid pill and get it over with...." He stopped smiling when I didn't understand why he looked like I had offended him, he didn't want a kid either, that was the first thing ever said to me when we started this. He walked out first, and I just stared at his back not understanding what the hell he was being so upset about all the sudden, he wasn't seriously thinking that this would work? Me and him just having a kid? No way!

"Jonah! Jonah just stop!" I was running after him as fast as I could, my heels not helping when he just took longer strides over to his car and opened it when I stared at him stopping before he looked up, shit he was hurt, and I didn't understand why. "Jonah, is this about me wanting the pill? You know that just as much as me, that we can't have a kid, you don't even want one?!" he was clenching his jaw, several times and by know, I knew that whatever he wanted to tell me, he didn't want to, something stopping him when he looked like that, trust me, I knew.

I was still just staring at him, leaned over the car door and looking upset and like shit in his half up ponytail and dirty hoodie, yeah it was dirty, and he wasn't like this, he had fucking pride and wouldn't look like this before I walked away, he just wouldn't and that made me even sadder.

"No, you're right, I don't want one, but why are fucking acting like me and you having one would be the worst thing ever to happen to you?!" He had a dark voice and just made me even more confused, was he really wanting to have this conversation here, in the middle of the parking lot where people could hear us?

"You are a fucking drug addict that's why!" I hissed it back when our eyes locked, and he just made a mocking face like that was the best I got, well it wasn't! he sold them too! I know he did!

"So what? So, what if I'm a fucking addict? You think that I would be a shitty dad just because of that? f*****g stupid sentimentality...." He was mumbling the last part to himself getting even more angry when I just stood there, I didn't believe he wanted to have a kid, I didn't, but he sure was offended, that was clear as day.

"Yes." He looked up at this time, he was hurt for real, that's what I believed, I didn't want to have a life that was me always worrying about him and whether he would come home, be safe and adding a kid to that mess... well f**k me....

"This was a fucking mistake, you and me! You just want me to be fucking perfect and take care of you! like I have been doing all the fucking time, or have you forgotten that when you bleached your f*****g hair, Andrea!? I was the one that helped you with everything, not the other way around! So don't act like you are any f*****g better then me just because you lost some f*****g weight and work at some boring a*s place where people think that you are something, because I f*****g know who you are too, desperate and naïve!" my chest was hurting when he was screaming the words to me, I hated that he was right about that part, the shame was burning hard on my cheeks and in my heart. He was right. He was.

"You know what? I don't give a shit anymore, here... take this... just fucking take this and go get the fucking pill yourself!" He was digging out in his pocket and just throwing the cash on the hood of the car, making it blow all over the empty parking lot when I was holding my arms around me, trying not to start to cry, I hated at that he was angry at me, still did even when we had been apart for so long.

"Jonah stop please!" I was sniffling when he was getting inside, he was supposed to drive me too Joseph and we were having a new start together and he was going to get clean, not this! Not him leaving me with dollar bills all around me just standing in the snow and looking at him beggingly, he was right about that part too, I was f*****g lost without him.