Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 76

I was still fuming by the time I left for therapy the next morning. Aiden still hasn’t called, nor has he replied to my text. I had spent a better time last night tossing and turning around in bed with no idea what to do.

The least he could do was reply to my text, right? But when I awoke after a few hours of the sleep I had gotten; there was still no response from him whatsoever.

I clicked my tongue, taking long strides in the corridor that leads to Dr Lily’s office, with my phone gripped tightly in my hands.

I swear to Nyala I’m going to show that man just how much he’s messing with my heart. He should just wait! Imagine him sending Kamal to come take me to the hospital but didn’t have the decency to reply to my text? I’m here going crazy just by missing him, but I guess that’s not the case with him.

‘I hope he’s dealing with serious heart issues from missing us. Both of them!’ Erin snapped, her honeyed colored eyes ablaze with rage.

‘We’ll set him in place. First, we have to make him understand that cutting off communication with us is not the right thing to do,’ I replied, stopping outside the door of Doctor Lily’s office.

‘I trust you. Now go smack another session!’ She grinned.

My throat bubbled with laughter as I knocked on the door, turned the knob when I heard a ‘come on in’ and stepped into the office.

We exchanged quick pleasantries, as always before she beckoned me to my normal seat and settled in hers. Like she always does, she lets the silence settle between us, while she taps her fingers on the sofa she was sitting on.

“How have you been, Natasha?” Dr Lily finally asked. Today, she’s wearing a loose knee length ankara dress and leather sandals that loop around her big toes and ankles.

The usual answer slips from my lips. “The same.” But then I hesitate. “Well, not entirely.” A lot has happened in the weeks since our last appointment.

Her eyes spark with interest. “How so?”

“I met Matteo.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but it took a second before she actually spoke. “There’s a lot to unpack there.”

“Yeah,” I smile awkwardly and look down at my hands, which are clasped together on my lap as usual.

“How did you feel?” She asked.

I hesitate to answer, because this was the first time I was discussing this, or allowing myself to think of it, or feel anything regarding it after the punishment. I examined her face as I tried to determine what her opinion was on the matter.

“How do you feel, Natasha?” She asked again, putting a strong emphasis on ‘you’. “Not me. What I think about this isn’t important.”

I push a long breath out through my mouth. “Would it be weird if I told you this is the first time I’m talking about it since I saw him?”

“Well, I did think of that,” she said with a kind yet amused smile. “And no, it’s not weird. Do you want to tell me about it now?”

“I was happy and sad when he was punished,” I finally say.

The corners of her mouth droop downward, and her eyes darken with understanding. “That’s a hard one,” she murmured. “What was the strongest emotion you felt?”

“Happiness and it didn’t sit well with me. It felt weird that I was happy at someone else’s pain.”

“You were happy for a different reason. Not at his pain. You were happy because you finally felt free. All this while, you’ve held onto the knowledge that he may come for you, especially when he fought with the King a few weeks ago. You told me that you were scared he’d take you away.”

I nodded in agreement. I did, because that was how I felt. But was it true that I was happy because I felt free now? Not at his punishment?

“When you first saw him this time, how did you feel?”

“Anger.”

“And?”

“Fear,” I admitted. “I was scared.”

“And now?”

“Just nothing. I felt nothing when I saw him during the punishment.”

“Because you’ve finally let go of the fear. Something must have caused that last string to snap between you two. Do you have any idea what that might be?”

A moment of silence passed before my heart surged with something warm. “Aiden,” I said quietly, looking up from my lap while staring at Lily. “I was so focused on Aiden that I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“That must be it then,” she smiled warmly.

“It feels good,” I admitted. “It feels good not to feel anything towards him. Does that make me bad?”

“Absolutely not, Natasha,” she inched forward. “You are not bad for not feeling anything towards someone like him. You chose to focus those emotions on someone who matters the most to you right now. And that shows how much your feelings and fears towards that man have vanished, and evolved into something entirely different.” She smiled.

A small smile played on my lips, but the thought of my current situation with Aiden dimmed it. The thought that he may be going through this and blaming himself for what wasn’t his fault one bit.

“Is there something else?” Lily asked.

I shook my head, biting the insides of my mouth. This is my problem, and while she may be my therapist, I just do not wish to discuss my man with her. “Not exactly. Except that my best friend got hurt in all of this,” I waved my hand carelessly.

“And you think it is your fault,” she said. It was a statement. Not a question.

“Not anymore. But it is hard not to think that way with the way things are. I mean, Matteo came for me. So why would Aiden think of blaming himself for this?” I didn’t mean for my voice to sound this harsh, but I couldn’t help it.

Talking about this with Lily is different than talking about it with Erin. I had no plans of discussing this and yet, here I am doing it. She always finds a way to make me do that.

“Is he blocking you off?” She asked quietly.

I nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it more?”

I shook my head.

“That’s fine,” she smiled. “Do you have your journal with you?” She asked.

“I do,” I replied quietly.

“I want you to read it. Read through it like it is your first time and absorb all the feelings there. You wrote a lot about your moment with your mate, connect with those moments again and decide what you want to do next.”

I had no response. Her observation had literally left me speechless.

We got through the rest of the session, but when I stepped outside the building, I didn’t remember much. I squinted up at the blinding brightness of the sky. It’s the same sky that’s always been above me, but it feels different now. Everything feels different. The sun, the wind in the trees, the pavement beneath my shoes.

Kamal ran up to me but I waved my hand and shook my head. There’s a bench to the side. I’ve walked by it for months without once sitting on it. I sat on it now, pulled my journal from the little bag I held, tapped on my phone real quick to see no new messages or missed calls from Aiden and sighed.

I opened the journal and read. Hours passed. Clouds raced over the sun, momentarily shrouding me in darkness before passing on. In these pages, I read about my past. The pains, the suffering, the anger. I read about my current life. The happiness. Aiden. The efforts he makes for my sake. How patient he had been. The little things that matter the most, like the day he agreed for us to watch cartoons instead of the football game we were supposed to watch. Or when he ate ‘dan wake’ (bean dumplings) even though he doesn’t like them. I only found out afterwards. Moments he’ll hold me in his arms and tell me stories about his childhood.

Moments we just cuddle silently.

They all returned, giving me a fierce determination to get everything back as they were. I knew instantly that the man I was seeing now wasn’t my man. He must be going through something painful, enough to make him shut me off. While I’m mad at the way he chose to handle things, and while I’m damn sure we’ll talk about this at some point, I decided to be the Queen I am and the mate that he needs.

And if it means I should be the one fighting for us this time like he did for us in the past, then I will.

I’m getting my man back!

So, I closed the journal, shoved it into my bag and pulled my phone out and tapped on it.

My thumb hovered over his name as I chewed my bottom l*p before I finally dialed his number.

I needed to hear his voice before I lost my s.hit.

I waited with bated breath as the phone rang, nervously biting on my nails. When the click sound finally came through, an indication that he had picked up the call, I let out a loud sigh and spoke.

“Rabin Rai,” I whispered, as though afraid the sound of my voice may scare him.

A moment passed. And another. Then I heard the sharp intake of breath before he finally spoke.

“Nala.”

My world was back.