Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
286. Olivia - Opening up I

Tyson presses his lips to my jaw. "It's probably nothing."

I'm sure I heard something coming from outside, but I drop the issue, not wanting to get Tyson angry since he wants some pussy. This is why I'm here: to open my legs whenever one of the guys wants some release. And pop out babies for them. Thank fuck, that will never happen.

Tyson's hand slides inside my pants, his fingers brushing against my skin. My body ignites. I bite my bottom lip. I resist the urge to spread my legs for him, but all the training from the Celestial Heaven rushes to my mind, and my body takes

over.

"That's it, Little Rabbit." His finger slips between my folds. "Look how wet you are," he murmurs. "This is going to be our first time."

He's killing me with how loving he is right now. I hate how my body wants him despite everything he did to me. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to clear my head. He can fuck me since there's no way of me stopping him, but I refuse to enjoy this. I refuse to give him even more power over me.

His lips trail down my neck.

"We are not going to pretend this is our first time fucking," I say. Tyson jerks up his head. I yank his hand away from my pussy. "You already fucked me. It hurt, just like any other time I was fucked."

It might have hurt, but I wanted him. And how I wanted him. I loved him with every fiber of my body. I destroyed myself to keep him safe. All the years that I suffered, he was living his best life, not giving a shit about me. "Your first time was awful," he tries to argue with me. "I want to change that."

"Despite the pain, my first time was special because it resulted in me getting pregnant. Spencer might not mean anything to you, but he was everything to me."

Shock registers on Tyson's face. "I love Spencer. I might have just found out about him, but you don't know how much it hurts to learn that I'll never get to hold him. To be his dad. Leo and Sean mocked me, one moment claiming he was dead, the other that he was alive. I made them pay for what they did to you."

I don't believe Tyson. How could he possibly love Spencer when he came from me, a slut without morals? That's how all men see me damaged goods. Unworthy of their time and affection. Tyson doesn't have to pretend to care for me to get laid.

So when I say, "My first time with Ansel and Jasper was special. They took care of me and made me feel pleasure for the first time in my life. Ansel was the first to give me an orgasm. He was the first to make love to me. Jasper was the first to show me my kindness when I was brought here. He saw me. He saw my pain. If not for him, I would be dead right now," and I see pain in his eyes, I don't care. I'm too emotionally drained to care.

I show Tyson my right arm. "I tried to take my life several times while here because of you and Rueben. You hurt me. You broke my toes. Remember? You tortured me. If you want to fuck me, go ahead, but no, Tyson, this is not our first time." "Olivia "

I rarely get angry, but when I do, there's little I can do to control my emotions. I talk over him. "Nothing is going to be the same. Not us, not our relationship. I was raped for years while you bounced from woman to woman. The bond between us means nothing. I don't want it to mean anything." I know I shouldn't say this, but even so, the words come out. "If you would have truly loved me, Spencer would still be here. I can never trust another man with my heart because of you. You are the reason why I don't want to have more children. You have no idea how much it hurts because I wanted to be Spencer's mom so badly. I still want a large family, but I can't. The idea of being pregnant makes me psychically ill because all I think about is the life fading away from my baby's eyes, of hearing him taking his last breath. I'm happy I can't get pregnant anymore.

"I gave you everything I have my heart, my soul, my *body*, and you thought I betrayed our love. You are the one who broke us." Tears run down Tyson's cheeks. I hope he's in pain day and night, just like I am.

Words keep coming out of my mouth, sharper than daggers, cutting deep.

"I returned to this farm not for you but for Ansel, Jasper, and Mose. They might have hurt me in some way or another, but never with bad intentions. Rueben and you changed after Ansel showed you the videos. I'm scared of you. Each action, each word I might say, could be a trigger for you or Rueben. I dread that you'll take me back to the shed."

I don't even know why I'm telling him this. Maybe because I finally want him to understand what he did to me. Or maybe I want him to snap so I can prove that he doesn't love me as he claims. He is just a liar, like every other man. "I'd never do that to you again." His voice cracks.

"Why? Because you saw how many beatings I endured while in the Celestial Kingdom because I refused to let men touch me? Despite feeling you fucking other women, I still loved you. I held tight to the hope that you'll come after me. You never did. You left me there to be gang raped just because your dick wasn't the first one I sucked.

"Even when I was shown videos of you with other women, I still loved you. I loved you until I didn't. Carlos had to get me addicted to drugs so he could do to me whatever he wanted. Drugs kept me sane. Not feeling anything, remembering nothing, was Heaven."