The Mates of Monsters
Chapter 20

I don't know what made me detest dependence. Maybe if I flipped through my life like a picture book, I could point out each moment that added a brick to the wall, but I can't. Or maybe I just don't care to know. I'm far too consumed with the fact that I can't help but be

dependent on David.

I think I would do anything for him.

"Perfect," Helena says as I slide the dressed potatoes into the oven. "Now can you watch the sauce?"

I stand over the stove and inhale the heavenly fumes of the kitchen. "I'm happy to help every night. It's not like I have anything else to do."

"David's mother did all of the cooking; seeing you in here reminds me of her."

"Oh, do you know where she is now?"

Helena slows down as she prepares the fish. "She passed two or so years ago."

"I'm sorry, David never told me. I just assumed his parents no longer live in the pack."

"Yes, well, the previous Alpha does not. Ever since his mate's passing, he has kept his distance from all of this. He made David Alpha and was off."

I stir the sauce and swallow. "And how does David feel about all of this?"

"His parents were very much in love, as mates tend to be. I'm sure it was a brutal change to endure. He does not say much on the topic, which is understandable, of course. But he has adapted well. He's a strong Alpha, just as his father." "He is a good Alpha, I mean."

"I'm sure he would tell you more if you asked," Helena says. "The man knows more about himself than I ever could."

"Of course," I murmur.

Helena takes over so I can have a shower before David comes home and we have dinner. The past few days have been back on schedule, excluding the previous arguments here and there. Yet not arguing hasn't made anything feel much better than before. Last night's dinner wasn't very intimate since Tarlo stopped by with things for David. I finished and went to bed, not hearing Tarlo leave until eleven o'clock.

I return downstairs, expecting David to get back any second. Helena has everything ready under covers, and when I enter the kitchen, she brushes her hands together and says, "David called. He's running a little late."

"I'll just wait for him," I tell her and sit at the table in front of my empty plate.

"Are you sure? Would you like me to stay?"

"No, you've done enough. He'll probably be back within the hour. Please, go home."

Helena leaves, and I continue to wait.

I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around myself while looking out the windows. The sun has nearly set, and the descending darkness dims the room. The only light comes from a single one in the kitchen, but I don't get up to turn on another.

I keep imagining the second I hear the front door push open. What is the first thing I'll say? How will I be sitting? I feel like my mother, waiting with her food for my father to come home. The last thing I wanted was to wait as our dinner cools and as my mind slowly starts to dim with the light. Maybe I would have been in Europe by now-it's the first place I wanted to go. I always pictured myself on a train, plowing through snowy mountains glittering in the daylight. My eyes close and I can nearly feel the warm cup of coffee or tea between my hands. It would have been so cold outside, yet all I could feel was the heat from the train and the thick fabrics against my skin.

Thirty minutes pass and I leave the table. I wander from the dining room to the kitchen to the living-room to the foyer and around again. Walking past the steps, I think about the master bedroom. I think about walking in and looking over everything, but it's isn't worth the risk if he comes home and I am caught. Instead, I return to the kitchen and pick at the food, taking a potato or two. Another fifteen minutes have passed-he's never been this late.

I think about other places I haven't been, and the office comes to mind. However, I don't think I would find anything interesting if I searched through all the drawers and cabinets, just pack information and historical things.

My impatience brings to reach its peak, and if David doesn't get back in a minute or two, I might just give up and go to bed. I wanted to see him badly. I wanted to talk to him and have his full attention again. If we have no time to ourselves, then how am I supposed to make more mistakes like kissing him? I would have done it again, but he isn't home. I cross my arms and clench my teeth.

Maybe I should just be cold again because I don't like this feeling that I am experiencing right now. At least then I could pretend to be unbothered.

What if something has happened?

If something went wrong, David could be in a mess of trouble, but all those guards and their training have me convinced that an attack is unlikely. Our supposed greatest enemy was just here for a dinner party, and besides Nicodra, I don't know who else would try to hurt us. So is it plain old leadership duties? The same thing that consumed my father's life for the entirety of my own. People think that Alpha's and Luna's and Beta's are free to do whatever they please, but it takes a lot of energy to provide for this many people. I'm jealous of those girls who are mated to normal men. I'm sure they never have to wait around, sitting on the edge of their seats just to eat dinner with them.

As I lap through the dining room once again, I stub my toe on the leg of a chair and crumble. I yelp, nurse my foot and fall to the floor. In an immediate breakdown, everything whirling around inside pours out of the cracks. One tear slips and then another. I sit against the wall as clench my toes in my hand, hating that I have become so fragile.

It's been an hour and twenty minutes now since Helena left. Eventually, my storm of emotion passes through and I am left in the wreckage.

I gather myself up, eat some more from the pans on the stove, put away the leftovers, then head upstairs, defeated.

I have been in bed for a while when I hear the bedroom door open and notice light shine in. I know it is David checking in on me, and when he sees me lying still in bed, he closes the door. His footsteps carry back downstairs, and I feel myself revive. He must be eating dinner. I turn to face the ceiling and wait for him to come back upstairs.

When I hear his footsteps travel down the hall to his room, I slip out the door and go up to it. His door is left somewhat open, but I knock. He must hear the sound because soon after he appears. He seems surprised to see me. Without a second thought, I ask, "Where were you?"

"I got caught up. I'm sorry," he apologizes. "It happens every now and then. Did you eat?"

I nod.

"Go on back to bed, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

Go to bed.

I want to ask him why he doesn't want to be with me, but I know he has to get up early. It's silly because I would stay up all night if he wanted me to.

My chest aches and I turn and I walk back to my room.

"Do you think I could take a visit home?" I ask Jeremy as we sit at the dining table. "There isn't anything I can't miss, right?"

"Well, not until the end of the month, but the Alpha is unable to leave at this time."

"I meant alone."

Jeremy looks up. "Alone? I don't think the Alpha will approve."

I set down my fork, abandoning the idea of eating breakfast. "Do you think you could talk to him about it?"

"I think you could talk to him about it, seeing he is your mate."

"Yeah, well, he'll say no to me."

"What makes you think I have a stronger influence over him?"

"Forget it," I mumble.

Jeremy offers, "I can see when his schedule allows for a visit. It won't be this month but maybe the next. If you are missing home, I could also arrange a visit for your family-I'm sure the Alpha would have no issue with it." I perk up. "Could my friend Lindsey visit?"

"I don't see why not if she comes within the next two weeks."

"I-I'll call her. Hopefully she's willing to be away from her mate for a few days."

"You should still ask David," Jeremy says, "even if you know he will agree. Now eat your breakfast so we can get to work. We can figure this out later."

I smile to myself and take a bite. Seeing Lindsey would be nice. Just thinking about her brings me back to the times before Luna duties and confusion and David. She'll remind me of who I really am; she'll draw the poison out of me and snap me back to reality.

Obsessing over my mate as I have been can't be good for me. I only end up feeling hurt, which is something I never wanted to be possible, not when it comes to the influence other people have over me. David was right, that fiery girl was determined-she was determined to protect herself and her hopeless heart.